Todd's Anti-Valentine's Day Playlist 2021

I hate Valentine’s Day! I bet if you are reading this, you do as well! The playlist below is my 2021 anti-Valentine’s Day List, and what follows is the story of the inspiration behind its curation. Now this is not a normal anti-Valentine’s Day story. What follows is not about long lost love or missed romantic chances; now I have those stories too, even about the time I ended a short lived rebound relationship by sending an even shorter email simply saying “we are done” on Valentine’s Day. No, this is a story about my hero and how his ever constant memory and inspiration is even stronger around Valentine’s Day.

Todd’s Anti-Valentine’s Day Playlist 2021

Cleadis R. Gragg was born on July 13, 1906 in Indian Territory. He grew up in the small town of Haileyville, Oklahoma during the time this region of Southeastern Oklahoma was becoming a coal mining center. After his father passed away Cleadis dropped out of school to help support his Mom and siblings. He went to work as a janitor at the local school. One day the Principal asked him why he never graduated. My Grandpa replied that he had to help with family expenses. The Principal was a passionate educator and knew the value of a high school diploma, so he worked out an agreement where my Grandpa would come to the school very early and get the boiler started and then clean the building before classes started and after he finished school and football or baseball practice he would finish work. Cleadis took this opportunity and completed high school. He did not stop there, he took advantage of opportunities availed to him because of his grades and ability on the football field to attend both a junior college and regional university. He played football at both schools and finished college with an education degree. He wanted to be a high school teacher and give back in ways similar to the opportunities he was provided. This was during the Dustbowl Era in Oklahoma and teaching paid very little. Given that he and his young wife (Martha Etta Gragg) wanted to start a family soon, Cleadis went to work on the railroad instead. He spent his career working as a railroad man while becoming a father to 9 children and maintaining a family farm. My Dad was the youngest child and while he was still young Cleadis retired from the railroad and opened a Texaco Station in their town. After working there a number of years he finally retired fully to the farm. His days were filled with family, building things in his barn, tending the farm, raising chickens, and if it was summer time – Harry Caray and the Chicago Cubs.

In August 1992, right before the start of my freshman year of high school, Cleadis contracted pneumonia and was hospitalized. He spent the next few months in the hospital and due to blood clotting in his leg he eventually had to have his right leg amputated just above his knee. He did come home from the hospital in early fall, though there were many changes. The woodwork in the barn ceased. The chickens were sold. The garden grew smaller. Several months later I was sitting in my Oklahoma History class when an office aide knocked on the door and told my teacher I was needed in the office. As I cautiously stepped into the hall the aide told me that my parents were there to see me. I nervously walked to the front of the school where my Dad told me my Grandmother had passed away.

This brought even more changes around my Grandparents’ house. There was brief talk of Grandpa going to a nursing home and after that was quickly shut down, my oldest uncle, who had retired early due to medical disability, said he would take care of Grandpa daily. Quickly the 8 brothers and their sister worked out a schedule of who would stay the evenings and weekends to give their older brother a break. My Dad had Monday nights and the times when he was out of town or had a late meeting I would go in his place. I also would go stay at Grandpa’s for two weeks every summer to give my Uncle time off.

These times of just me and my Grandpa at his house are some of the best moments of my life. I would help him get to the front porch in the mornings, where we would sit on the porch swing, watch the sunrise, and drink coffee; well he would drink coffee I would have Pepsi or Dr. Pepper. We watched Cubs baseball, Perry Mason, and Gunsmoke. I would occasionally push his wheelchair around the property and would help him get outside while I mowed the lawn. Mostly though, we talked.

I learned so much from my Grandpa during these times. He had a fascinating life. He had played center and defensive line in football during the days of leather helmets and no face masks. In baseball he played catcher with no mask, even continuing to play in adult leagues until almost middle age. Basically he was one tough, seasoned man. More than that though. he was also incredibly kind and absolutely brilliant. Even as talented as he was on the athletic fields, he was more known for his academic prowess during school. Specifically, he was known as an exceptionally skilled debater. He had a definite rival in his high school debate career – future United States Speaker of the House Carl Albert. My grandfather never lost a debate to Mr. Albert, however Grandpa’s small school could not afford to send their debate team to the state competitions where Mr. Albert and his much larger McAlester High School team shined. I learned all of these stories, as well as stories from the railroad and service station as we talked. Grandpa stressed the importance of education, voting for Democrats, and above all else being a responsible and kind person. It has been nearly 25 years since most of those talks yet I still reflect on them daily.

My freshman year of college my Grandfather’s health progressively worsened and in February 1997 he passed away. He died on Tuesday, February 11 and my Dad, Uncles and Aunt did not want to have his funeral service on the 13th, so his funeral service was on Valentine’s Day. The reason for avoiding February 13th was it was my Grandmother’s birthday. Every year we would have a big family party for her. For all of her grandkids she always had those little Valentine’s Day cards like you give to all your classmates in elementary school. Valentine’s Day had just not been the same for the four years since she had died; being 18 and being a pallbearer at my Grandpa’s funeral on Valentine’s Day made it worse, much worse.

This playlist reflects both missing Grandpa daily, even 24 years later, as well as life lessons from him. The song The Road You Leave Behind has long been the song that reminds me of my Grandpa and the deep wisdom he imparted. Take Me Out To the Ball Game and Go Cubs Go lead me to extremely happy memories of him; while One Sweet Day, Heaven Was Needing A Hero, Tears In Heaven, et al. take me on a roller coaster of emotions reflecting on the life of my hero.

There is one last section of songs on this playlist that at first seem out of context. This Is Me, Unstoppable, Overcomer, and the other more inspirational songs do, however, serve a definite purpose on this list. They remind me of Grandpa overcoming hardships to graduate high school and college. They make me think of how he rose above growing up in an impoverished area during a distressed time in Oklahoma. They also remind me of a specific moment of watching him triumph after losing his right leg.

It was Thanksgiving Day 1992. Grandpa had been out of the hospital about a month and almost the entire extended family gathered at my Grandparents house for Thanksgiving. It was after dinner that I found myself sitting alone in the living room watching football and sorting sports cards. I saw Grandpa wheeling himself into the living room and stopping his wheelchair right in front of his recliner. I was about to go get my Dad or an Uncle to help me get Grandpa from his wheelchair to his chair when something inside of me said to wait a moment and watch. Grandpa set the brakes on his wheelchair and stared hard at his chair. He lifted up with his arms and tried to push himself to his recliner seat. He failed. He tried and failed several more times, and I was about to stand up when he stared even harder at his goal of the recliner seat, took a deep breath and put all of his weight into his forearms and hands and lifted his body high off his wheelchair and spun around in the air and landed on his recliner. The smile on his face after accomplishing this goal is still one of the biggest smiles I have ever seen. Watching my 86 year old Grandpa do this after several months in the hospital and a rather traumatic and life changing surgery still inspires me.

This memory inspires me as I train for a marathon. You see I should not be running any distant, let alone 26 miles. In fact, I should not even be walking. When I was born I had a severe case of clubfoot. My parents were told that my life would contain great hardship, and that I would only ever walk with much difficulty, that by the age of 13 I would require a cane or walker and by 21 I would be in a wheelchair. Yet here I am at 42 years old never needing any of that and training for a marathon. This is due to medical innovation, a stubborn will to not be different, and the inspiration from my hero – Cleadis Robert Gragg, Sr.