To raise an excellent child, parents need to experience three disappointments.

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Family education platform sponsored by Qian Zhiliang, teacher of Beijing normal University. Push an original article every day from Monday to Friday, dedicated to providing parents with professional and practical parenting knowledge and ideas.

To cultivate an excellent child, parents must correct their mindset and establish a cooperative relationship with their children. Only in this way can he become a better himself.

In the process of raising children, parents will inevitably fall into the loss of hope, but there are some "disappointments" that we must experience.

In a healthy parent-child relationship, it takes at least three disappointments for the child to have the power to carry the future.

The first disappointment

The growth of children is parting from their parents again and again.

A mother once left a message:

"on the first day my son entered the garden, he didn't cry, nor did he cry for his mother like other children. I told him a few words, and he immediately left with the kindergarten teacher without looking back."

Her son's performance made her laugh and cry. She breathed a sigh of relief and seemed a little lost at the same time.

Many mothers are no stranger to this feeling.

When children no longer cling to themselves as they did in infancy, we are more or less lost and lonely, and even miss the kind of attachment our children had to us.

It turns out that we are not so eager for our children to grow up, because growing up means independence, and independence means that we are not needed by our children.

It's like a contradiction. We love our children, but in the end we have to "push" him away and let him leave us and live on his own.

As our children grow up, we have to go through this separation countless times:

Birth is a physical "separation" from the mother.

Then I left my mother's arms and became a toddler

Then start weaning and fall asleep on your own

Then, enter the garden, go to school, and gradually walk out of the house.

When they reach adulthood, children will leave their hometown to study or work far away.

One of the important tasks of being a parent is to avoid possession and control and help children achieve this separation.

A long time ago, I saw this video:

On the first day of primary school, the little girl asked her mother with tears in her eyes:

"I want my mother to go to school with me."

Her mother told her with a smile:

"you know, I can't stay with you!

Don't be afraid, you can go alone, no problem! "

After the child left, the mother stood in place for a long time and refused to leave, with relief and loneliness in her eyes.

Parents' concern for their children is a nature that is difficult to control.

But far-sighted parents know that all love in this world points to reunion, only parents' love points to parting.

In a child's life, he is the only one who bears the consequences.

Only by letting go can children fully fly out of their parents' world and build their own lives in a rapidly changing society.

The second disappointment

Parents' right to say to their children is valid.

Margaret Meade, an American anthropologist, once proposed "pre-figurative culture", which roughly means that in traditional society, parents are given irresistible authority, and younger generations need to learn from their elders.

So in the education in the past, a common saying of parents was:

"I'm your father / mother, so you have to listen to me."

But today, this sentence will often lead to fierce resistance from children.

Many children know what kind of words to use to stop their parents from preaching when they are in primary school.

What causes it?

On the one hand, today's children are demanding the right to speak.

In this era, the psychological needs of children have changed.

Psychologist Chen Mo once said:

"one of the characteristics of children now is that the right to speak is very demanding.

This is definitely a very special phenomenon that has not existed in China for thousands of years. "

Parents often complain that their children like to talk back, and this is because their children are eager to express their opinions and hope to have a voice in this way.

For example, you say to your child, "eat well and don't be picky about food!"

He can reply immediately: "aren't you and my father picky eaters, too!"

Adults immediately have a kind of embarrassment of "losing prestige".

On the other hand, in the rapid development of information today, children are exposed to a wide range of information, early found that parents are not so omnipotent and omniscient.

The younger a child is, the more convinced his parents will be and take everything they say seriously.

Young parents can realize that when we were young, our parents' words were absolutely correct.

But today, children have so many ways and speed of access to information that they can easily find the "ignorance" of adults and even question their "education".

All this makes today's parents'"words" not so good.

The change of children and the change of the times have deeply affected the "validity period" of parents' right to speak. Many children's rebellion not only comes violently, but also comes early.

The most effective period for parents to educate their childre