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To Mom: My Surrogacy Journey was to pay off my debt.

by AM about a month ago in humanity
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The car accident changed my life.

To Mom: My Surrogacy Journey was to pay off my debt.
Photo by Camylla Battani on Unsplash

Mom, when I told you I had decided to do something remarkable, you sat down to listen to me. When you first heard me say I was in the process of becoming a gestational surrogate and I was going to help a couple achieve their dream of becoming parents, you got so upset and walked away.

"How can you give up your own baby, and give the baby away?" you said.

"You are insane," you told me while shaking your head.

I have always had a big heart, and I have always wanted to help a stranger in a unique way. It took me a long time to decide that this is what I wanted, and I was glad I had the emotional support of my hubby. I started to explain to you that as a gestational surrogate I was going to be a person who carried someone else’s baby in my womb, but was not going to be biologically related to the baby. I was not going to be giving up this baby, because the baby was not mine, to begin with.

I further explained that the mother’s eggs were retrieved and fertilized, and with a lot of science, the intended parents (IPs) embryo(s) were reached. It was critical making sure the embryo(s) were alive and well, before being stored frozen until a match was found. I then told you I was their match after a long wait (a few years), and the lucky chosen little frozen embryo finally had a chance at life, only if I proceeded.

As you may recall, I began this surrogacy journey back in November of 2017. During this time, I had to stop working because you started working your dream job, and the expense of childcare was too expensive for me. Without your help anymore, I was basically done with my dream career, and that is something I have never confronted you for. This is the time I started maximizing my credit cards. Without work, and my hubby not making enough to pay for everything, I had to look for an alternative.

So, that's when I started looking for ways to help my family but also had the intention to help a stranger in a way; I found surrogacy.

I never got down to tell you the details after the brief introduction I gave you about the topic since you were somewhat mad at me. It took a lot of steps to get medically cleared and to be a qualified candidate. I had to pass a prolonged psychological test, be at a healthy stage in my life, and pass several medical exams.

I did explain to you the main reason why I wanted to do it. The main reason I told you I was doing this journey was not for the compensation reward, but because I had a huge desire to help a couple have a baby.

You were still mad at me.

I wanted you to understand and accept my decision with true meaning behind it, and just not for compensation. But I partially lied. I really needed to do it to pay off my credit card debt(s). We were at a point in our lives where we were stuck in a hole with no out, and I was desperate to do anything to help us out. That is the real truth.

You, as my mother, have always known my inner strength both mentally and physically beforehand for anything. I did not want to disappoint you, because I knew I needed you for help with necessary appointments, and for babysitting just when I needed it for my doctor visits.

After I was cleared, I began the IVF journey. I was given special medications to prepare my body before transferring the 5-day-old baby boy egg that had been frozen for over a year. I continued medications and shots until I was 10 weeks pregnant (you only helped me one time, remember)?

The dedication I put into this journey to make sure the embryo survived in me through the IVF process, and be mentally healthy to go through a process like this, was astonishing to me, but not for you. I was taking 3 medications 3 times a day, driving an hour plus to and from the clinic to attend weekly appointments for blood draws and ultrasounds, up to three times a week. None of those weeks you helped with babysitting because you were too busy working, and I understood. But I never told you it was quite disappointing to me not having your help. I partially lied to you from the beginning since I knew I would need your help, but in the end, I did not get your help. So I think I lied for nothing.

The best part about the whole experience was how it ended, mom. You knew I went into labor 2 weeks before my due date because of the car accident I was in with the kids and my hubby. The accident stress was so much for me, I was forced to have my surrogate baby earlier than expected, and the IP's were not even here in the USA. This broke my heart. I really wanted them to be there with me when I gave birth. Their trip from China was a long one, and the reason why I kept the surrogate baby with me for a few days in the hospital, until they arrived.

But now I do believe life itself had other plans for us.

My MRI at the hospital showed my back was swollen from the car accident, shortly to find out I lost amniotic fluid from the impact, and I was taken to labor and delivery. I was in no way ready for what was about to happen.

I was unable to get the epidural due to the swelling and shockingly suffered through the whole birth experience. I gave natural birth to a baby that was not mine, and I greatly experienced all the raw pain. I didn't even go through it with my own children. But the accident forever changed my life for the best. Here's why mom.

I have never told you the reason for my present success.

I hired a law firm to represent me and my family for the car accident we had. The person who caused the accident involved 5 cars, and one semi-truck. We all almost lost our lives that day. Something I wish would have never happened; I am still traumatized after the experience. But, I believe the accident happened for a reason. After two years, of filing the lawsuit against the person who caused the freeway accident, I received a big settlement amount. Just as much as I was compensated for completing my surrogacy journey.

This surrogacy journey I embarked on changed my life for the best, because I was able to pay off all my debt, plus I had more to get me to where I am now. That now is as you have seen has put my family and me in a superior lifestyle, free of debt, and worry. My family and I have never been better. The mystery you once had, is now revealed. That is why we are in the lifestyle we are in today.

My desperation to help my family rewarded me double. I feel better now telling you all this and getting it off my chest. I hope you find it in your heart that the decision I took a few years back is one to be thankful for.


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Comments (7)

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  • Zuri the Dreamer21 days ago

    Powerful! Thank you so much for sharing your journey! It's wild that something so beautiful can still be taboo. So glad you were doubly rewarded for your sacrifices and pain. Blissings!

  • What a touching story! I admire your bravery. I'm so glad that in the end you recovered physically and that the baby was unharmed. The experience must have left a mental scar, but you were indeed noble with your choice.

  • Mariann Carrollabout a month ago

    This is top story in my book. Thanks for sharing your surrogate story. Heartfelt. I am glad you are now physically ok.

  • Timothy E Jonesabout a month ago

    I agree with what you wrote, and you having a child for someone who couldn't takes a lot of courage. Goof Karma will come your way, and maybe you will be able to get to know the child as it grows up

  • Call Me Lesabout a month ago

    I think ultimately the good karma of helping someone else have their child was duely rewarded. You must have had some kind of divine intervention in all this, in whatever format you believe in. Good always comes back around. Congratulations on your new life! I hope you have a more smooth sailing experience from now on. I'll share this on Vocal Social Society's metapage and Twitter for you @vocal_chronicle. It really touched me to read this. Come find us on FB if you would like to hang out and share your vocal articles! Best wishes!

  • al woodsabout a month ago

    A wonderful piece about a rarely-examined phenomena-being a surrogate mother for another couple’s child. This is a daughter explaining why she’ opted to be a surrogate to her mother, whom she’s trying to persuade that she has done a noble thing by helping a baby-less couple achieve parenthood, otherwise unavailable to them.Shesays she needed the $butitwasn’t her main motivation for doing so.Sheconvinced me that her motives are somewhat altruistic as I think they’d have to be to endure an entire pregnancy for9 mos.& then go thru the pain of giving birth in natural fashion minus even an epidural for pain control.She presents her arguments in a direct,well-written essay based on an emotional appeal to her mother explaining her decision & commitment to seeing it through,which she does triumphantly. What a beautiful,,selfless act of kindness to virtual strangers,I.e.not blood relatives.I’ve never given any genuine thought to this matter but herein she’s opened my eyes&heartto what always seemed to me to be a crazy thing to do & not end up with your own child after all that effort-I can’t imagine a more generous act to do for another human being.I found her account quite moving.

  • Luisa Gilliesabout a month ago

    What an inspiring story. You sound like an incredible person and I really enjoyed reading this. Do you keep in touch with the baby's parents? :)

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