To Mom: I’ve learned a lot (and I am still learning!)

Filipino and Black. My mom is Filipino and my dad is Black. Growing up with a mixed background was challenging but rewarding. It’s the foundation of who I am and I have my mom to thank for the many things that I’ve learned in my 37 years of life. I’m writing this article as one way to thank you mom! I’ve learned so much but here are the top 10 things I’ve learned and I’m still learning:

10. Patience in everything

I’ve seen my mom go through so much in her life and also what she’s told me about her life in the Philippines. My mom has so much patience and even though I would like to say I have a high level of patience, I know I’m not even close to even half the patience she possesses. I know I can be overwhelming in energy and I can test anyone’s patience by being annoying, whether it’s on purpose or not. My parents still have an answer machine. Yes, I know. It’s a voicemail for landline phones, just in case you were wondering. Every time I call, they will usually let it go to the answering machine to see who is calling. What do I do to let them know it’s me on the phone? I always do my “song” calling out to their dogs in hopes that the dogs will bark and get my parents’ attention. I DO THAT EVERY TIME I CALL, but yet my mom just deals and has patience with me. LESSON: take your time and have patience.

9. Laughter and Humor

Filipinos are funny. Look at the comedian Jo Koy. When he describes his Filipino mom, that’s basically the same description for my mom! I have so many stories where I could share but the one that stands out to me was what my mom said to me when I came back from studying in Japan for a year. My family came to the airport to pick me up and I would like to believe that most moms would say, “It’s great to see you! I missed you. How was the flight?” What is the first thing my mom says to me as she grabs my arm? “You gained weight.” At the time I had the look of disbelief but now I tell that story with laughter because who says that? The great thing about my relationship with my mom is every time I see her, we laugh, whether it is something that’s on the Filipino channel, or my kids running around being hyper or even laughing at my dad’s attempt at speaking Tagalog. Laughter and humor are key and it keeps things from being too serious. LESSON: laugh and be a kid at heart, it will keep you young.

8. Find the good in everything

My mom is positive and she is always saying “Just think positive.” When I am stressed out, overwhelmed, upset, or any negative emotion you can think of, I reach out for my mom. She helps me to find the good in the situation and helps me to reframe my thinking. So, for example, this past year 2020 has been a blessing and an overwhelming year. I was blessed to be able to work from home and have both my daughters home with me instead of being at school and day care. It was overwhelming because I not only had to maintain household tasks (cooking, cleaning, raising my kids, and etc.), I also had to work, and add the role of kindergarten teacher. I broke down and cried so many times but my mom took the time away from her job, and would help me with the kids. She reminded me that it could be worse and that it’s a blessing that my husband, the kids, and I are healthy. By helping me around the house and helping with the kids, she helped me reframe my thinking that I have so many great things in my life and to be grateful. LESSON: No matter what happens, there is always good in the experience or situation to learn from.

7. Peace and Grace

My mom has a strong Catholic background which has allowed her to demonstrate a sense of peace and grace for herself and those around her. Despite having challenges growing up in the Philippines due to lack of opportunities or strong parental guidance, she is at peace with her experiences. No matter what her background and past experiences (good and bad) has been, she is graceful with her sense of purpose. LESSON: what done is done, but what you do moving forward is what will help you learn from your past.

6. Cooking and Cleaning

My mom can cook and when I have friends over, she is always catering to them to make sure they have at least 2 plated or bowl full of food. As my husband says about my mom’s house rule: “It’s a 2-bowl minimum.” As a child when my cousins would be over, instead of playing with them I was stuck in the kitchen helping out. At the time I hated doing that with a passion, but now as an adult, I do appreciate the experience because I know how to cook for my own family. I know how to whip up meals with whatever random things I have at home. My specialty is fried rice and the recipe will need to be another story. When it comes to cleaning . . . Ok, I’ll be the first to admit that cleaning is not my mom’s strong point (or maybe I just have unbelievably high standards?), but growing up I would do the cleaning and rearrange EVERYTHING. She allowed me to organize things in the house despite driving her and my dad nuts when they were trying to look for something. LESSON: learning basic household skills should be essential for everyone so they will know how to grow up and survive.

5. Love of learning

My mom would tell me stories of her growing up and how she wanted to further her education but she didn’t have the money to do so. Since I was a child, I know this fueled my love to learn things and further my education past high school. As of today, I have 2 masters degrees and a bachelor’s degree. Thanks to my mom I was able to study in Japan for a year. I’ve learned basic Italian, and French. I’m constantly reading personal development books to improve myself in various areas of my life. Because of my mom, I’m always searching for ways to be a better wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, business owner, chef, vacation coordinator, and the all the other roles I have in my life. LESSON: Never stop learning, no matter how old you get.

4. Strength and Energy

As mentioned earlier, my mom is Catholic. Her strong sense of faith is what has provided her strength and the continued energy to keep working despite the many people telling her to retire. I remember when I used to go grocery shopping with her at the military base commissary and she would ask me if I wanted her to lift up the 20-pound bag of rice on the bottom shelf! Of course, I told her no because what kind of daughter would I be if I let my 60-ish old mother do that! My mom is excellent at keeping up with both my kids. Best example was today (5/9/21) for Mother’s Day we ate at my parent’s house and what happens to me? I get the “itis” and begin to pass out on the couch. My kind hearted and understanding mom told me to go to sleep and she’ll watch the kids. Best nap in a long time! LESSON: whether it’s from your faith, or the love for your family, believe that you can push through.

3. Loyalty and Love

My mom has been married to my dad for 38 years. Their marriage has not always been perfect but look at Bill and Melinda Gates! My mom has shown me what it means to be loyal, not only to her husband but to her religion, her family, her friends, her co-workers, you name it. She loves her family openly and deeply. She loves strangers by the act of kindness and making sure they are fed. You can ask my friends who know her, have been to her house and how she insists they eat something otherwise she thinks something is wrong or they are sick. LESSON: being loyal and loving others has it rewards because it returns tenfold.

2. Ambition and Dream Big

As stated previously my mom didn’t have the financial means to further her education as far as she wanted, so that dream was instilled into me. Since I was child, I dreamed big, set goals for myself and I had and still continue to have numerous conversations with my mom explaining the excitement I have for whatever project or business product I’m working on. She always encourages me and tells me to keep pushing for my dreams. LESSON: Dream and aim for the impossible goals because you will achieve them.

1. Confidence and Resilience

This is the number one thing I’ve learned from my mom. I remember a foundation building situation that happened to me while in elementary school. I came home crying and asked my mom, “Why don’t they want to be friends with me?” There weren’t any kids like me at my school. They were typically in the one check marked box of ethnicity: White, Black/African American, Asian, Hispanic, American Indian, or etc. This is what my mom said to me (my husband laughs because he says this explains a lot with my personality), “Don’t mind them. They are just jealous of you.” Whether it was true or not, she lifted me up and fueled my confidence. I went through many more challenges later in life due to my ethnicity but because of my mom’s words and always being in my corner, I’ve developed a resiliency towards adversity. LESSON: You can do anything as long as you believe in yourself and have strong supportive people behind you.

In the end, there is so much more I’ve learned from my mom, but these are currently the top ten. I’m still learning from her and I appreciate her beyond words that I can express. Thank you, mom, for everything!!