To Leo, with Love

It was the first time Anae had been out with anyone else in years. Hell, it was the first time she’d stepped her dainty little toes outside of the house in nearly nine months. No one really prepares you for the loneliness of isolation during a global health crisis and they certainly don’t tell you how excited and absolutely terrified you’ll be when the gates finally open again.

She wasn’t afraid of covid, she just didn’t like the idea of being sick. Ever. The fact that a potentially deadly virus could enter her body didn’t frighten her nearly as much as the idea that she could pass it on to someone she loved, or someone that someone else loved and breed a fatal ending. She was all too familiar with fatal endings with the ones she loved.

She snatched up her newly bedazzled face mask that matched her ivory, rhinestone, cocktail dress, slipped into her dusty grey pumps, and took a deep breath on her way out the door.

The air was crisp and fresh, cooled by the setting sun and calmed with the lullaby of evening wildlife.

The Uber arrived, a black, sleek sedan with shiny chrome rims and dark tinted windows. She hesitated, feeling the warm, safe keep of her home drawing her with gravitational force.

Another deep breath.

The rear window of the car slid down with a soft whir.

“Hey, queen! Get in! I’ve been waiting way too long for this!” Her best friend, Tee, wore her matching, bedazzled mask with a halter topped, 50’s style dress in a beautiful baby blue that made her look soft and glowing.

The ride to the restaurant was full of giggles and quarantine stories. Tee was bubbling over someone she had met since being out again. Anae smiled as best she could, masking the bleeding laceration to her own heart.

“Oh, honey I’m so sorry. Is this upsetting you?” The concern in her eyes added a swelling sting to Anae’s already pained spirit.

“No, no! Please, I’m just so glad to see you this happy. When is your next date with Prince Charming?”

Tee hesitated but continued, each word from her lips laced with puppy love.

Anae tried to listen, but the aching in her chest pounded like a bass drum. She took a deep breathe as quietly as she could and relaxed as they arrived at the restaurant.

“Good evening! You ladies look so lovely! Is there a special occasion we’re celebrating?” The server was dressed in a white button-down, black tie, black slacks and a matching mask. Even through the cloth over his face you could see the smile rounding out his freckled cheeks.

Yes, thought Anae. She hadn’t mentioned to Tee that tonight was the anniversary of Leo’s passing. Tee had been so ecstatic for the evening; it wasn’t worth mentioning the darker side of it.

They listened to the specials and nodded politely as the server left to give them time to peruse the menu.

Anae shifted in her seat hearing the laughter in the air. A warmth settled playfully in the atmosphere and for a moment, she was taken back to her first date with Leo, in this very restaurant so many years ago.

“So,” he began awkwardly, “you look absolutely stunning in that dress.” He cleared his throat and pawed at the menu with shaky hands. An instrumental rendition of You are So Beautiful played like a cliché in the background.

A silly thing to remember, but since that night, it had always been the song that deepened her love for Leo.

“Thank you, “ Anae replied, a bit shy and a bit matter-of-factly. She brushed a black curl from her eye hoping her kinky hair wasn’t overwhelming to her date. She had always been insecure about her blackness, especially around men.

“Do you like wine?” He asked, fumbling through the wine list.

“Um, I haven’t really explored wines too much but I do like a good Merlot.”

Leo lit up like a Christmas tree.

“Merlot? I’ve got just the one. You’re going to love it.” He politely called over the server, whispered in his ear and smiled. They ordered their food and continued in their bashful conversation.

Anae tried her best to hang on to his every word, but couldn’t help but be distracted by how mesmerizing this man across from her was.

They had stumbled upon one another at a small corner bookstore. Leo had worked there part-time during the summer when he wasn’t teaching and that faded afternoon, Anae had been looking for a psychological thriller to keep her company. She’d just moved back and was barely recovering from yet another failed relationship after 5 long years of devotion. It seemed that the men she attracted into her life were always more than happy to list her at the very bottom of their priority list.

She was finally learning to love herself, for the first time in forever and was determined to ward off men as long as possible.

Enter Leo.

After a few encounters at the bookstore, mutual friends between the two decided to set them up. A risk that Anae was usually reluctant to take, but Tee had basically given a dissertation and PowerPoint presentation on all the things she’d have in common with him and how they would be so great together.

And oh they were…

For 17 brilliant years, they dazzled together in an almost supernatural sea of absolute adoration for one another.

The server came back with a slender, opened bottle and a fancy-looking glass decanter filled with cherry red liquid. He set two paper napkins down, one in front of each of them, and then set the glasses up to pour the wine.

Anae giggled.

You had me at merlot… her napkin said in bold, black ink with a smiley face.

Leo winked playfully and carefully stuffed his cloth napkin in the front of his shirt.

“What are you doing?” she giggled again while he smoothed out the napkin. Leo looked shocked.

“Um, protecting my nice suit from delicious pasta sauce I’m about to slurp.” They both laughed and the rest was history. From the moment Anae saw the silly note on the napkin and Leo decorated himself with an elegant bib, she felt that sparkly, head in the clouds feeling for him and it never left.

A few more friends joined them at the table. Tee was still starry-eyed and figuratively drooling over her chance encounter turned romance. The others were a mix of men and women. Anae knew most of them from college and a few others from work. Part of her was settled, like the heat of a warm blanket on a cloudy day, comfortable and safe in her sadness. The part of her tonight, however, was still sad but felt almost as if she had been away for a long time and had been welcomed home with a party.

She missed her friends during the quarantine. It was so nice to be in the presence of others again. Leo would have loved it. He was always the life of the party.

The server came out, with help it seemed, carrying trays of glasses and opened bottles. That same cherry red liquid bounced around in fancy decanters its aroma flooding her memories. They placed napkins down for everyone, then glasses, preparing to pour the wines.

Anae gasped. She couldn’t decide between laughter or a burst of heavy sobs.

You had me at merlot… her napkin was wrinkled and looked old like it had been left in a time capsule under the earth for decades. Her friends were all standing around the table with grins the size of a crescent moon plastered to their faces.

Music played softly in the air and everyone began to sing, “You arrreee soooo beautifulll to meeee…”

Her tears broke like an old dam.

“What-“ she couldn’t speak. She was overwhelmed.

“You didn’t think we forgot did you?” Tee was suddenly by her side, arms embracing her friend with a tender, yet firm grip.

“If anything ever happens to me, make sure that girl knows how much I love her. “ Leo’s best friend chimed in between lyrics. “He told me that every day that last year.”

The music died down as everyone finished the song.

“We all loved him so much Anae. We’ll never ever forgot how beautiful you both were.”

Anae wiped away the torrent of tears from her eyes and raised her glass high.

“To Leo, with love! You had me at Merlot.”

Everyone joined with their glasses to the sky, tears glistening in their eyes. “To Leo!”