Tightie Whites and Coco Puffs

There are dozens of times during my youth when my Dad frightened me. Some of those times were due to his showing off his driving skills. Driving down the interstate and “drafting” big rigs were the worst. He was doing 75mph on up to 85mph riding so close behind the truck that I thought we were touching bumpers. At times like that all you can do is pray.

Other times it was an emotional fright, sort of an “I wonder what he’s going to do next.” fright. The older my Dad was, the stronger his disorders were. He would act like another person and a smile would show up on his face. It was not a happy smile though. For my siblings and me it became,“Let’s get out of this room NOW.” smile.

Someone asked me recently if these were the scariest things that had ever happened to me. They were not even close. If you factor in age and environment, the stuff Dad would do was like turning the crank on a jack in the box and waiting for that clown to jump up. I still jump at that metal door popping open!

When I was a young lad, somewhere around 5 or 6 my siblings and I had a morning TV watching schedule. It was Mom approved so all that she had to do on summer mornings was fix our breakfast and plant us in front of the television. Most summer nights my brother and I slept in cut off pajamas in an attempt to fight the heat and humidity. There were a few times when sleeping attire was just our underwear . Our oldest sisters, Lynn and Sue, were mere toddlers so our underwear just stayed on through TV time and breakfast.

Our TV time included Romper Room, a children’s show that always had a pretty lady who played the role of teacher in the show. Each teacher would wind up the show by pulling out a magic mirror. In her mirror she could see boys and girls who were watching this show and she would greet them by name. It took me years to figure out that stunt and until then I was a believer. If she said that she could see her young viewers, then who was I to doubt her?

The scare of my lifetime came quickly and took me totally by surprise. My brother and I were eating our cereal in front of the television one summer day. Since it was unusually hot outside we had our underpants on. Towards the end of this show the teacher picked up her mirror, recited some mystic words and started calling out names. “I see Bobby and Theresa and Michael, good morning friends. Oh and look I see Becky and there’s Dale, hello Becky and Dale.” I’m sitting cross legged on the floor with my bowl of CocoPuffs on my lap, until I heard my name. In a split second after hearing my name I yelled, “What did she say? She sees me!” CocoPuffs and my bowl were in mid-air and the last thing that lady saw was my tighty whitey clad butt heading for the bedroom.

I was embarrassed, afraid and shaking when I dove under the blanket on my bed. A strange woman had seen me in my underwear. How was I going to explain that to Mom? Did any of my neighborhood friends know about this? Would I ever have the courage to come out from underneath my blanket? I figured that it would take about a week for the lady to forget what she saw. Just to be sure, I stayed away from that TV show for several weeks. It was trauma at its very finest moment.