Through Every Death, There Is A Begining

I had gone back to Butte, Montana in August of 2019 to do a wedding photo shoot. It was that next following weekend that I heard of my Aunt Sharon's passing away.

It was a tumultuous weekend of emotions. I know that were always meant to be sad of family passing away. I'm not numb to the effect of pain and anguish of losing someone so very special to me. Come this April 20th of 2020 It will have been 4 years since my sister passed away. She was the one special person that I couldn't bear to live life without. She was everything and meant everything to me. She was the one person I could tell anything about what was going on in my life and she wouldn't judge. Her words of wisdom echoes through my ears everyday; "Case, don't criticize, condemn or complain about others because you don't know what other people are going through". She's right. I would judge other people. Since her passing I can't say that I have gotten better. But I have gone through. Living without her is like living with an amputated limb. Even though it's not there you still feel it. You learn to live with the ghost pains of that limb. There are so many memories, good ones that I have with her that will be cherished for the rest of my life. They will also be the reminders of that pain of loss even though they are great memories. Do I choose to live with it? Do I choose to get through it? Do I choose to let the pain to continue to dictate the rest of my life?

We get home. Home to me is Gordon, Nebraska. A 12 hour trip from Butte, Montana. We start on the journey from the funeral home to my uncle Clyde's place. Calls and texts and meeting loved ones and family and friends that I don't see unless I go home for another funeral. I nourish my loss of my aunt by going to the covered wagon. One of the most fantastic places to eat at in Gordon, Nebraska.

I feel the loss of my aunt in the depth and pit of my stomach. Finally the tears come. My mind wanders back to when Kerri and I would be at our Aunt's ranch playing at the sandbar in the water. We had such a happy childhood and upbringing, Even if there were water moccasin snakes. We were always careful and loved those summers between being at our granddad's place riding horses and our Aunt's place playing in the river.

The chocolate malt soothes my achy throat as I start crying yet again for the loss of my Aunt Sharon. The humidity sticks to my skin like sweat and the crickets sing. The slap of my hand against the back of my neck from a mosquito bite as I walk by the backyard fence of my uncle's place and I see this flower. A hawaiian hibiscus. Even though it is more commonly known and grown in Hawaii. It's a flower that my uncle's girlfriend, Carol has grown in her backyard. Which just happens to be next door to my uncle's place. I'm Surrounded by it's beauty and death. I take my cell phone out and take a macro shot of this flower. It's death and it's beginning.

I did very little photo editing for this photo challenge with my cell phone. I did punch up the clarity a little bit and took the brightness down by a negative 5. To give it the clarity and preciseness of both the beauty and death of itself. There's a beauty in death as much as there is a beauty in the life. Healing only comes with going through instead of getting through. May we all go through life no matter how ugly we are turning into something beautiful in our last moment. An everlasting memory of our family etched in our hearts to never forget to never be numb. Always remember to cry, it has a replenishing effect of washing away the ugly.