This Little Girl Thinks I am Broke & Is Trying to Help… Gee Whiz…

We are Kari, Anarrah, and Menelik; Mommy, daughter of six years and son of five years. We have been on our own for just about two years now, and it has been a glorious time of reconnecting, relationship building, having authentic fun, reconstructing family, rebuilding a life, and healing.

My daughter is a true artistic creator right now; she loves to pick up her scissors, paper, drawing tools of her choice and come up with various creations we have all over the walls of our home. They both like creating, but she more so, thier creation continue to fill up the walls and other areas, because until only recently with a hard push from my mother, their ‘Nanny’ I was told to ‘get rid of some of it,’ so I have started to stop hoarding my children’s creations. I have been keeping every snippet they ever created (no exaggeration); just in case they demanded I go to the microfiche and reference some of their work, I could rush and find it for them!

So, a new trend started with my daughter’s creations that were targeted specifically towards me. I started to receive rectangular-shaped cut-outs with numbers on them, 20, 50, and 100, all with a neat trim around the edges. And they kept coming. Finally, they came with an explanation; I received a folded, gold-colored, triangled-shaped piece of Ikea origami paper with the words ‘To Mom Mony Bag’ (no typo there) printed the front of it. And when she presented me with the bag, she told me, ‘this money is for you, mommy, so you can buy more things that you need.’, it had some new rectangles in it. Many, her relatives, her peers and teachers, her brother, and others, my daughter is known to be a very kind, caring, and ‘old soul.’ So, from what she gathered in her home, she understood that some days there are struggles. For the most part, we are truly blessed; I have a job that sustains all of our basic needs: food, quality shelter, transportation when needed; my children are afforded books, toys, and access to the internet and television and live in a nice residential neighborhood with access to playgrounds and nature trails. That said, at the moment, there isn’t much extra room for extracurricular activities, and we don’t have a car, which I promised my daughter, specifically, we would have soon, but I am on my way, I am close. But as a mother to a six-year-old little girl, being given a golden money bag because she thinks your ‘not making it, or at least that how I’ve interpreted it; a huge hit to my delicate ‘single-mom ego.’

Even though she saw me get up every day and make sure she and her brother had everything they needed to have a successful day at school and prepare myself to go to work (where she has visited), transport them there, pick them up, most days have treats waiting for them at home, that I dropped off with my many bags on my commute on public transit back home from work (which she doesn’t see), make dinners for them that they, for the most part, are always to their liking; can from time to time go on short excursions to places they like to go, purchase things they like, make holidays fun, etc., etc., she still focuses on my deficiencies. The money bag makes my heart sink and feels full all at the same time. I do my best to shield them from the struggles, but I know her; I should not even question her awareness. I know she means no harm; she is kind and caring, she wishes to help when she feels helpless, and I love her bone marrow for that.

I have a modest home office and have a bulletin board beside my desk, and I have pinned the money bag to it as a reminder that I must do better, work harder, diversify and meet the goals I have set for myself, for us. Her support means the world to me, but I am the mommy, and no matter the struggles in my front, I must overcome them not just to meet our needs but to exceed them. I want to write, be a writer. Vocal has been one of the first public platforms I have found to share work. I do much writing at work, but that is not for me; my voice is heard but very much edited. I want to use this platform to learn, be critiqued, see what works, be inspired, and get better for us.