This is for the many moms in my life...

I believe we don’t have just one mother in our lives. We are surrounded by so many influential, loving, and inspirational women that I find it almost impossible to have just one singular role model, or mother, that we look up to.

China, September 1998

The first lesson I learned from my first and biological mother was bravery.

I was a day old when my biological mother gave me up. The one time I met her was on this day. In the 90’s, when China had the one-child law, the girls were far less favorable than the boys. I know my biological mother was one of the bravest women in this world, because she took a chance on letting me go. Even though I was only a day old, I feel like my biological mother’s bravery is a trait that was embedded in my being. I don’t know whether I look more like my mother or more like my father. I sometimes find myself mulling over whether I look more like my mom, and it puts my mind into a headspin of theories. I find myself wondering, too, why my mother made the decision she did to let me go; which leads into thoughts of what she is like as a person. I have many theories of why she would let me go, and what caused her to make the decision she did. These theories are completely moot in this aspect, though. I have a loving adopted mother and I have a fulfilled life in America. Many Chinese girls are less fortunate than I am, and have gone through being motherless, or have lost their lives to being abandoned.

There is an infamous photograph of young babies in a forest in China. This photograph was taken by Jeff Abelin and is titled “Abandoned Baby.” The photo haunts me to this day—at the age of twenty-two. It depicts a scene of Chinese babies abandoned in a forest. These Chinese babies were unwanted due to their gender and were left to die by their families in the forest; the babies in these forests usually weren’t found until it was too late, and the environment caused a sickness that was too late to cure. This photo sends a powerful message as a fellow Chinese adoptee, and makes me feel like one of the luckiest people on this planet. I am not sure where I would be today if I weren’t adopted—or brought to a country with endless possibilities—and given the opportunities that wouldn’t have been given to me if I were still in China.

I have never met my biological mother, but if I ever do, the first thing I will do is thank her.

America, June 1999

I have another mother, and this mother is the best mother I will ever have. My second mother is my adoptive mother, Dorothy. I was adopted in June of 1999, all the way from America. Dorothy was unable to conceive her own child by blood, and this devastated her. My mother always knew she was going to be a mother one day. After years of trying to be able to conceive and learning that she was infertile, she became my adoptive mother later in life. I can imagine my mother was completely devastated when she couldn’t conceive, but that didn’t sway her from becoming a mother.

One day she caught word of a family who adopted a Chinese baby in our town. (I personally really like this story. This story tells me how determined my mother was to become a mother no matter the circumstance she was in.) Dorothy saw a woman she had read about who had adopted a Chinese baby and followed her home from the grocery store; she was determined enough to talk to the woman in the news story she read about. My mother was very worried that the woman would call the police since a strange woman was following her home. Even with the fear of a potential police call, she still decided to follow her gut.

If she hadn’t followed this woman home, I believe I wouldn’t be here. In a parallel universe, my mother could have looked at the news story and continued on with her life, or she could have been able to have her own child with her own blood. I would rather have lived in my universe more than any other universe. The two biggest lessons my mother has taught me is perseverance and resilience.

My other mother has taught me to be kind, unique, and to not care that I am different from other people superficially. My childhood was fairly different from the childhoods of most other children. I grew up being one of the only Asians in my school district. My high school career was a tough time of my life, and I don’t have too many fond memories from that time. I endured a lot of racism from being one of the only minorities in my school. Dorothy, my mother, taught me to embrace being different on the outside; she also taught me that what only matters is what is on the inside. I won’t sugar coat the truth with my relationship with my mother. I was an angsty teenager, and I was a very moody one as well. I suffer from mental illness, and that was a huge obstacle—a fork in the road in all of my relationships. Growing up feeling alienated from the other kids in my school, I started to suffer from anxiety and depression as a result. My mother and I are very alike in some aspects when it comes to suffering from mental health.

Throughout my journey—through the twists and turns of young adulthood into actual adulthood—I learned many things from my mother. I learned how to change a pillowcase in less than thirty seconds, and how to do my own laundry with finesse. She also taught me to be strong. When I was around seventeen years old, I was admitted to a facility for my mental health for the first time. This is a pivotal reason why my high school years are not endearing or wistful memories. My visit was terrifying to me, and I felt completely lost. While I was there for two weeks, my mother and my father visited me every visitation day, and called me every moment they could. They never once gave up on me. Especially my mother. I have never felt more loved in my entire life from both of my parents; especially from my mother. I know deep down that my mother’s love could never be overshadowed by anything else in the world.

Years 2000 - Present Day

I mentioned that I have a thought—that you don’t have just one mother in your life as you grow up. I personally believe this because many women have shaped me into the woman I am today. I have learned many lessons from many different women that raised me, or helped me along the way in life. I want to start with my mother’s best friend, Kathy. I won’t mention her last name for privacy reasons.

Kathy and my mother have been best friends since they were children. Their friendship has been something that bled into my childhood. My mother served in the military for twenty years, and those twenty years involved times I needed to stay with another person. Every summer for many years, I needed to stay with Kathy. Kathy is a teacher in a middle school near where I live, and I learned many things from Kathy. She taught me how to read and to learn to love to read. I have a passionate relationship with books. I read almost constantly growing up, and I would be lost if I never picked up a book, or learned to love reading stories. I like to think that my love for reading came from Kathy. If I hadn’t loved reading, then I think I wouldn't have come to find my love for writing. Kathy showed me this love as well. She is also a prime example of feeling like there isn’t one singular mother in my life. Kathy gave me the lesson that blood doesn’t always equal family.

Another woman in my life that I consider another mother, is my best friend’s mother. I won’t name my best friend’s mother for privacy reasons. I am going to call my best friend’s mother Jane. Jane taught me how to have a sense of humor. My best friend especially taught me how to find a sense of ease, and let my hair down to have fun. Jane is one of the most influential women I have learned lessons from in my adolescence. I cherish my relationship with her and my best friend, and I believe I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for them, too.

My best friend has a step-mother that I look up to, too. Her name is Melissa, and she taught me the importance that everyone has a past. She taught me that every person has skeletons in their closet—there is no reason to be ashamed of your past, and the best thing to do in your life is to move on without looking back. This advice has kept me from not overly dwelling on my past mistakes, and has taught me that everything is a learning experience.

I am going to go back to my high school years. There are two women in those years that taught me very valuable lessons. These women are Amy, our school’s counselor, and Darla, our school’s guidance counselor. I know without a doubt in my heart that I would not have finished high school without them. I don’t even think I would have made it out of those years if it weren’t for them.

Amy, our school’s counselor, taught me how to keep my head held high and not let my mental health get the best of me. She got me through the emotional pain I felt almost constantly during my junior and senior year. I will dive into a more personal depth of those years; I was very emotionally unavailable to feel perseverance during them. I will be honest and say that I thought about giving up the most in 2015 and 2016 compared to these past few years. Amy is another woman that I would like to think of as a motherly figure in my life. She is someone that made me become the woman I am today. The woman I am today would not have kept going without her in my life during those hard years.

Darla, our school’s guidance counselor, was another influential woman that guided me into adulthood. In 2015, I would eat lunch in her office nearly every day. Both she and Amy helped me get through high school, and helped me to endure the angst-filled experiences that occurred. I learned about the art of coping through mental health. Both Amy and Darla taught me to live through the mean things people whispered or said in hallways. They taught me to attend high school and to try to work past my mental health to become successful. I was able to finish high school, and graduate with my class, because of these two strong women. I will always have fond, loving, and caring memories of these two women. Thank you, Darla and Amy, for everything you guys did for me.

When I was twelve, I went to my first therapist. I am not naming my therapists for their personal privacy especially. I have gone to three female therapists so far, and three female psychiatrists in my life. These six women taught me the lessons of human emotion, how emotions are important to feel, and how facing my problems is very important. They taught me the value of speaking my mind, what change meant, and that female empowerment is something to be proud of. These women are the life savers that kept me afloat from the age of twelve to age twenty-two. I wouldn’t have found the value of human emotion and feminism if it weren’t for them.

The last woman I’d like to mention is Becky. Becky is a woman from the church I used to attend in my adolescence. She is a social worker and works in the mental health field as her profession. Becky taught me to reach out for help, even if I wavered from fear of being a burden, and she taught me that I should never feel alone. She also taught me how to be a strong woman and how to use my voice. My anxiety made me feel very quiet and voiceless, but with the lessons she provided, I learned how to voice my feelings if something bothered me. I knew that if I ran into any trouble whatsoever, I could come to her no matter what. She is another reason why I never had the option to give up on myself. I persevered and fought for my life with the lessons she gave me.

I feel like I wouldn’t be able to write about all of the other boss moms, and influential women that shaped me into “me,” unless I wanted this to be a three-hundred page book. I am so very thankful, and grateful, for all of these women. One lesson that all of the close women in my life taught me as whole is strength and the power of not giving up. There was no option for me to give up on myself in all of these women’s lives. If I would have given up or lost myself completely, I know that the world would be a darker place for everyone around me. All of the lessons I was taught wouldn't have been for nothing, but it would have been a devastating cross to bear. If it weren’t for these women, I wouldn’t be me. I wouldn’t be the fun, generous, empathetic, and insightful person I have learned to be today.

These women are all mother figures in my life. Many of them aren’t my family from my adoptive parents, but they are all mothers that gave me reasons to live. I have grown up into a woman that has little pieces of them picked up along the way. I learned to keep my head held up high from Amy. I love reading books and getting lost in writing stories from Kathy’s lessons. I cope with my hardships of life and strive for success from Dawn. I feel free and shamelessly have fun because of Jane. I have embraced the skeletons in my closet, and moved on from my past, because of Melissa. I have a voice because of Becky. And though I have never met her, I am brave because of my biological mother. I embrace my gender and the power of my voice from my mental health providers. I persevered because of Dorothy, my adoptive mother.

I am a woman that was taught to be strong, resilient, beautiful, and brave from these different women. These are the women that taught me to know that I can have many mothers in my life, and I will learn a lesson from every woman I will meet in the future. I will forever keep these lessons in my mind, and let them be lessons for my children. I want my children to know what bravery, perseverance, love, strength, resilience, and keeping their heads held high truly means. The pieces of these women are in my personality, and I want to have the power to give these pieces to the people who will be in my future.

The only thing left I want to say is thank you to these women. You are all the boss moms in my life.