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Things You Should Never Ask a Postpartum Mom

Be aware of these terrible questions that are too often heard by new moms. These are the top ten things to never ask a postpartum mom.

By Sherry CampbellPublished 6 years ago 5 min read
Top Story - February 2018

People think that they know everything about a pregnancy, whether it be because they have their own children, or just from second-hand experiences. However, this does not mean that you know exactly what to say to a postpartum mom. And most likely, the questions you have to spark conversations are ones that you should never ask a postpartum mom.

On top of being very overheard, and lead to boring conversation, lots of these questions are downright rude and invasive. Instead of asking these questions, offer help, some positivity, or how about letting them talk? These are the top ten questions to never ask a new mom.

When are you going back to work?

The last thing on a new mom's mind is when she will be returning to work, as if staying at home is in her future plans. Often times, new moms will take their time adapting to their new child, as they should, and don't have a concrete idea of when they will go back to work. There is nothing wrong with this, but as a question you should never ask a postpartum mom. Constantly being nagged about this topic makes them feel like you're judging.

Definitely an invasive question, and one that is none of your business, stay far away from this topic. This is especially true because no matter the answer, this will likely create a comparison between when the person asking returned to work, when they think is too soon or too late, and just overall judgy remarks.

Are you going to have another one?

We're not so sure why this is such a popular question to ask new moms, but it makes absolutely no sense to bring up, especially from fellow mothers. Was that the first thing on your mind after giving birth? We think not. As one of the questions to never ask a postpartum mom, this question makes it very hard for mothers not to roll their eyes.

The answer is, they haven't thought about it. Honestly. They have already got enough on their hands, let alone making more life-changing decisions such as this. If anything, it has made having another child seem further in the distance than before.

How are they sleeping?

This is almost a back-handed question, as it's obvious they are talking about how badly we seem to be sleeping, and they are bringing it up because they can see the overwhelmingly dark circles under our eyes. The baby isn't sleeping, and when they do, we have things to get done around the house.

Also, while we're on this topic, please refrain from comparing your own baby's sleeping schedules. A new mother would rather listen to nails on a chalkboard than hear you brag about how your newborn baby slept for eight hours the first night home.

Are you pregnant?

We're unsure why we even have to talk about this terrible mistake that people still make to this day. As a question you should never ask a postpartum mom, even if you didn't know they had just recently given birth, never ask if someone is pregnant. Even if they look like they're carrying quintuplets.

Imagine the embarrassment you would bring to someone who has just been through so much during their pregnancy and now first moments with their newborn, just to hear an idiotic comment from someone who is unknowing. Let alone, the embarrassment you would feel along with heavy backpedaling and apologizing. Let's just squash that question as a whole.

Are you enjoying every moment?

It seems to be one of the most popular questions that people are unknowing of the number of times new mothers will hear, and will bite their tongue at. Though new moms are obviously very appreciative and completely in awe of the new addition to their family, they still want to respond: Every moment?

With a newborn, a lot of the time you spend with your child involves tears, poop, spit up, sleep deprivation, and frustration. Though this is still masked by our love for our children, we don't want to enjoy every moment, we would rather allow ourselves to be frustrated with the trials of motherhood.

Are you breastfeeding?

A bit invasive, don't you think? It's uncertain why asking new mothers very personal questions seems to be a trend.

As one of the top questions to never ask a postpartum mom, asking if they are breastfeeding opens a big conversation, and one that most moms would rather not talk to you about if you're not too close. Let's leave this question behind, shall we?

Do you think they look like you?

This question is basically telling new moms that you don't think their child looks like them. Though it's not as common of a question as some, this is definitely one you're going to want to stray away from completely.

Would you flat out tell someone that they look nothing like their child? Well, maybe you should if you're asking this question. But the fact is, this is completely rude and something new moms are not going to want to hear, let alone come up with a response for.

Aren't you so happy?

Though it might seem like a harmless question, you should never ask a postpartum mom anything that would assume their happiness or mental state. You truly never know how someone is reacting to this huge change in their lives, even if they post their newborn on Facebook every 30 minutes.

Postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety are very real and crippling disorders that many moms deal with. Let's leave questions assuming that they are blissful in the past.

How do you have time to work out?

Asking new mothers about their work out regimen is not a topic that they will want to get into. They know why you're asking them this question, and will automatically assume that you're interested in when they are planning on losing the weight they gained during their pregnancy.

That's really a message you're going to want to give, and is completely rude. Working out will be on the mother's time and comfort, while you should mind your business.

Want some advice?

Nope. New moms really don't want your advice, no matter how badly you want to give it. Especially coming from people who are not close to the postpartum mom, advice on how to raise children can often come across as condescending and invasive to our own methods.

As the last question to never ask a postpartum mom, try to refrain from giving advice when it is not asked for. This especially goes for comparing your own children to theirs. Telling someone how to raise their child is always a no-go and new moms are no exception to this unspoken rule.


About the Creator

Sherry Campbell

Second grade teacher by day, at home therapist for two middle school daughters by night.

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    Sherry CampbellWritten by Sherry Campbell

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