Things We Know and Things We Learn

He didn’t have much to miss about California, there wasn’t very much to remember. They left when he was very young and never had much reason to return. Her relationship with her parents was complicated and exhausting. She knew she didn’t want to have the same relationship with her children as her parents had with her. It was surprisingly easy to leave and not look back.

She didn’t speak much about her parents, she really didn’t have to. Her husbands parents were so loving and wonderful, it was easy to forget about her own. Her parents weren’t really interested in their children and so they weren’t very interested in her children. So, because they were never apart of their lives, it was difficult for their grandchildren to learn or know anything about them. He wanted to know his mother’s parents, but for some reason the subject was… or seemed… secret, private, mysterious.

Standing in His driveway brought back distant, vague memories. Memories so old and yet distinct, they must be some of his first. This was his Grandfathers house, his Mother’s childhood home, where she grew up.

It appeared to him fairly simple, one story, Spanish Colonial, probably made in the fifties and looked a hundred years old. The gravel driveway was large and circular and at the center a massive Magnolia Tree God only knows how old.

He stood for an extended moment of silence admiring the familial, ancestral hacienda. The temperature was warm but the air was cool and apparently “perfect” weather comes nearly year round. When he turned around and faced the opposite direction, the view of the San Gabriel Mountains was literally breathtaking.

Behind his Grandfathers home was an orange grove the size of a football field, or larger, it’s hard to gauge the size of something you can’t see the end of.

Reflecting on the whole scene, it made him so curious how such an idyllic place could be the home for so many bad memories.

Everyone was impatiently waiting for the Will reading but he was more interested in remembering as much as he could about this place.

Because they left California when he was so young, he never got to know any of his mother’s relatives. In the living room there were uncles, aunts, cousins he had never met, but for some reason he was more interested in his Grandfathers office. For some reason he felt drawn to it, it felt familiar. Once again he was struck by a sharp but distant memory. It was the smell: Marlboro Lights. The wood panels of the office, similar to that of a plyboard, like the interior of an office trailer on a construction site; the wood had been soaking up smoke for years. It wasn’t a pleasant odor but it was more than just a smell, it was forever linked to a unique memory.

When he first learned to walk, before his sister was born, before they moved across the country, he used to follow his grandfather around the compound, picking up the cigarette butts he flicked away.

By the end of their walk the young boy had a handful of butts to deposit into the ash bucket.

Soon the attorney arrived and everyone gathered around. The attorney announced that he had spent much time with the recently past patriarch before he died. He knew that His children had strained relationships with him and that they probably weren’t terribly sad that he was dead. That being said it wasn’t a mystery he was leaving those who survived him a small fortune. His wishes were for his assets to be divided evenly amongst the family unless, as individuals, they decided to opt for an alternative option.

This caused quite a stir and confusion and questions. Apparently, the Will came with stipulations. Individually everyone would have the option to receive a percentage of the inheritance or something of significant value to the Patriarch specifically selected for each particular person.

When it was the young man’s turn to enter the room, he was nervous, he had no idea what to expect, but was indeed curious as to what his Maternal Grandfather had left him.

He opened the door and closed it behind him. It felt odd for a second to see the Lawyer sitting behind his Grandfathers desk, but he was no more of a stranger either and the thought fleeted away. The Lawyer looked up from his work, took off his glasses, rose from his chair and walked over to the young man extending his hand.

“It’s very nice to meet you.” He gestured toward a chair in front of the desk. “Have a seat.”

“I understand you never really got to know your Grandfather.” The Lawyer said.

“No.”

“What do you know?”

The young man took deep slow breath, thinking intently.

“He’s a- sensitive subject for my Mom to talk about. All I know about Him is what my Father has told me.”

“What has he told you?”

“Not much… I think my Dad has said he liked to be called Kenny. I know he was in the Navy. Started his own business. From what I understand, He did well. I know that there were some… struggles. But it sounds like they lost everything and somehow… He started all over again and made it back. Honestly, he kinda sounds like someone I would like… but it also sounds like my Mom had good reasons to be mad at Him… Or really Her whole family out here, so I guess I just don’t ask too many questions…”

The young man pauses for a moment and chuckles.

“My Dad told me that, when he knew him… He basically used to drink a case of beer… everyday. Apparently he’d start in the morning, find a buzz then nurse it all day. I know that’s not good but he just sounds like a character to me. My Dad seems to have fond memories of him, it sounds like he had a good sense of humor… laid back… Maybe he wasn’t a good Dad or Grandfather but he sounded interesting to me, I would have liked to try to get to know him.”

The Lawyer takes a second.

“You know, in the time up until his passing, I spent quite a lot of time with Kenny. I don’t think eccentric is the right adjective to describe him but it’s something like that. He was an interesting character and he lived an interesting life. Not all of which he was proud of… When he knew he was going to die, he took a lot of time to think about the people who would be affected by his death. He wanted to finically take care of his family and as of now, dividing all his assets, every individual is looking at a figure around twenty thousand dollars, give or take. If you decide to defer your inheritance, it will be transferred to a savings bond for your children to one day inherit. In return for selecting this route you are instead rewarded something very special to Him that he specifically chose for you to have. I cannot disclose any information about anyone else, but whatever you say or do outside of this meeting is up to you. I’m not at liberty to council you, in any way about your decision, but if I may speak candidly… I believe what your Grandfather has left for you is very special. I’m not saying it’s more or less valuable than twenty thousand dollars, but to the right person, it may be… priceless.”

“I guess you can’t tell me what it is…”

“Unfortunately not… But, I do honestly believe that if actually getting to know who he was, interests you… It may answer many of your questions.”

The young man takes a deep breath and thinks intently… After several moments-

“I will… defer the inheritance.”

The Lawyer displays a warm sign of approval. He unlocks a drawer in the desk and presents the young man a little black book.

“This is a very old moleskine notebook that was given to your Grandfather by someone very special and close to him… He had never written a word in it, until the day he decided to give it to you.”

The Lawyer delicately presents the notebook to the young man. The Young man admires the old journal then opens the cover and begins to read:

Dear Son,

I hope you are reading this and are well. I’ve thought a lot about you lately. I wish that I hadn’t fucked up so bad that I don’t get to be there to watch you grow up. But that is apparently what you do when you grow old and die. You reflect on the things you wish you’d done different. Your Mom hates my guts because I wasn’t a good Dad. I burdened her with having to look after her sister when she got sick, that was something I should’ve done. I also took advantage of how smart she is. I looked at her like an accountant, instead of a Daughter and I thought she’d never leave the Company. I didn’t think she’d meet someone like your Dad, whom I think is probably the best Man I ever met. You should be real proud he’s your Father, not all of us are as good as he is, and I know without a doubt he’s going to take a lot better care of his family than me. Her meetin Him is one of the few things that gives me peace. I suppose if you’re smart like her you took the money and ran, but I’m praying you’re hearin me now. I know I can’t physically be there with you but maybe my words and my memory can be there for you if you need me. As I lay here dyin right now, I’m prayin to the Lord that you don’t go through the smallest percentage of bullshit I did. But, if you ever find yourself in a place where you aint got no one to go to, can’t find anyone with the answers, maybe, hopefully you might find some help here. I’ve taken the time to try and write down every meaningful memory I got. I done walked the Earth Son, I may not have learned nothing but it’s my story. I never told your Mother this enough, and I’ll never get to tell you as much as I wish I could right now: I Love You.

Kenny

The young man can’t hold back a tear as it trickles off his nose and lands on the page. He quickly dabs it dry so not to ruin the paper or wash the ink.

He wipes his eyes and flips through the journal, every page top to bottom filled with his tiny cursive writing…

He looks up and the Lawyer says softly:

“He didn’t waste a page.”