They Called It...

Just over three years ago I, for the 1 million-and-tenth time, had to explain to my baby girl how her daddy wasn’t actually coming to get her again. That was the day I decided enough was enough and he wasn’t going to hurt her ever again. Not if I could help it.

So I put a stop to it. He wasn’t going to be allowed to breeze in and out any more. I was told then that one day she could do what she wants and she will chose them over me. Little did I know how correct they were.

7 months later, on her 10th birthday, her father, backed by her nan and auntie, came to the house demanding that they see her.

Trying my hardest not to ruin her birthday, (they obviously didn’t care about it) I caved.

I gave in and let them see her, but I laid down some ground rules. They only see her under my roof until I feel comfortable with her not getting hurt again.

They turned up twice. The next I heard was from her nan, letting me know that her great great gran had past away and that she would let me know when the funeral was going to take place. I haven’t heard from her since that day.

Fast forward to Christmas just past. Christmas 2016. I have a message request from her dad asking what size clothes she wears? I ignored it. I had been having a hell of a time with her but I told her he had messaged and she just looked at me stupid and told me to ignore it. I must add I had taken the blame for them not seeing her so she wasn’t hurt again, so I got the brunt of all that anger on top of everything else that was inside her. A couple of months later I received a message from her auntie telling me that she was having a baby. Charlie didn’t seem to care.

Let’s jump forward again to a few weeks ago. She was talking to me about her dad, and said he didn’t care about her. I didn’t want my baby girl to be hurt also I didn’t believe that as the case. I explained of course he cared he just didn’t know how to be a parent very well, is all.

Let go to two and a half weeks ago she decided to go and see her daddy. It hurt because she hid it. It hurt because I knew what was coming and it hurt because I knew there was nothing I could do to protect her any more. But I had to deal with it. He is her dad.

Since that day she hasn’t been my baby girl any more she has been his friend/kid that hangs out in his house with her mate. He was correct that day he let her down for the 1 million-and-10th time. She would do what she wanted one day. And she has. She has turned even more against me. I took the blame for him letting her down time and time again. He has won her over by letting her break the rules. Letting her do things that can kill her and not giving her boundaries.

Now she isn’t my baby girl any more. She is my daughter and they called it the day they let her down and I took the blame. My heart, my life, my soul, and whole person is broken all because I didn’t want her hurting. Now she isn’t even here.

I have lost her because he neglected her for 13 years.