These behaviors of children are lack of love

A while ago, I brushed up on a baby mama's sunshine, saying that the child is particularly knowledgeable and has high emotional intelligence.

The child is just 3 weeks old, eating and dressing never use help, but also helps the mother mop, and choose vegetables, sanitation, and their mouth is very sweet very well say, treats people politely, even the request will be politely expressed.

Many netizens are amazed and have asked this mom for advice on how to educate herself.

The actual mother proudly replied did not do anything, is to try cold treatment, the child was distressed when let help-digestion after calm, do not spoil the child.

I can't help but feel a big question mark in my heart when I see this: Is it the so-called "high emotional intelligence" that children are afraid to even ask their parents for help?

Many parents want their children to be well-behaved, behave well, and become "little adults" with high emotional intelligence.

But, if the child is only "forced" to behave, forced to meet the parents, rather than from the heart of the independent performance, not high emotional intelligence, but "lack of love".

Not "high emotional intelligence" is "lack of love"

I remember a friend who shared this experience, as a child she was sent to her grandmother's house, from memory on very obedient and understanding, and do not dare to cry, always secretly measuring the mood of adults.

If the adults are not happy, she will work more and talk less to deliberately please them, even in their own homes to eat, if the adults do not say she can eat, she does not dare to take it.

When you think about it, this is not what some parents see as "high emotional intelligence"?

At a young age, they can read people's minds, know how to cater to the preferences of adults, get the approval of parents, always show extra understanding, and make some "high emotional intelligence" performance.

But the truth is because she grew up in a "loveless" environment, she can only deliberately disguise herself, suppressing her emotions and needs, simply lack of love and security, rather than any "high emotional intelligence" performance.

Psychologically speaking, before the age of 6, children are in the "egocentric stage", whether they think or do things or are self-centered, it is difficult to see things from the perspective of "others".

It is not until after the age of 6, as the child's brain gradually develops and begins to have "abstract concepts", that he or she can gradually understand the situation and ideas of others and slowly develop the ability to empathize with others.

Therefore, a child of only three or four years old, behaving well, understanding, and obedient, does not have high emotional intelligence, but because of the lack of love, only needs to cater to parents, in exchange for their approval.

Long-term "lack of love" can cause harm to children

Psychologist Sigmund Freud once said, "One of the two great tragedies of life is not getting what you love."

For children, what they crave most is the love, recognition, and support of their parents, and those who are in a long-term "loveless" environment are vulnerable to harm.

In real life, some people seem to be big-hearted but have very sensitive hearts, especially concerned about the evaluation and approval of others, and always want to get praise.

So in getting along with classmates, colleagues, and friends, they unconsciously put themselves in a humble position, deliberately pleasing, and over time, they develop a "pleasing personality" and become the "good old boy" in the eyes of everyone.

The reason why these people behave this way is that they did not get enough love and support from their parents in childhood, lacked security, and were always used to pleasing others, making it difficult to build healthy relationships when they grew up and were hurt by the long-term "lack of love".

Guiding children to vent their emotions correctly to develop "high emotional intelligence"

Some parents may wonder, if they don't discipline their children, do they just let them throw tantrums and make a mess of the house?

The answer is certainly not, there is nothing wrong with disciplining your child, what is wrong is to overly suppress, and blindly pursue the so-called "good behavior and understanding", so that children live in a depressing environment, and do not feel the love of their parents.

In the process of educating children, we can guide them to vent their emotions correctly, give children some freedom to vent their emotions, try to be understanding, tolerant, and gentle attitude, wait for the child to vent their emotions, can mobilize rational thinking, and then discuss education with him, can achieve twice the result with half the effort.

Due to imperfect physical development and limited cognitive ability, it is difficult for children to control their own emotions, and do not know what is "high emotional intelligence".

As a parent, do not "pull up the seedlings to help the child grow", using a strong way to make the child as required to become "obedient and understand", only to guide the child to properly vent their emotions, not to suppress themselves, to gradually build empathy, to develop The only way to build empathy and develop "high emotional intelligence" is to guide your child to vent his or her emotions correctly and not suppress them.

The child's bent towards the parents, deliberately making some pleasing behavior, is not high emotional intelligence, but the performance of "lack of love".

The fact is that you will be able to get a lot more than just a few of these.