The Way We See Things

As human beings we are naturally thoughtful. Experiences make us who we are. We get images of people in our mind and that’s how we remember them. Sometimes it creeps up on us that the person who we remember isn’t the person who is standing in front of us. It makes me think of the scene in A Christmas Story where Ralphie gets the pink bunny outfit for Christmas. Even if Ralphie was a girl he’s not a little kid anymore.

We spent some time with my mom and stepdad for Memorial Day and I had a really good conversation out by the grill with my stepdad. They had just gotten back from visiting his mom in Alabama and he said, “I just don’t think she recognizes that we’re not 30 years old anymore.”

Apparently Nita had a list of yard work chores for them to do for the week when they were visiting. It wasn’t just pulling some weeds either. I don’t consider any of my parents old but I think when you’re retired you’d like to slow down a little and not kill yourself doing yard work.

It was interesting that he brought this up because my dad just turned 70 a week ago. When we were at my dad’s house for the birthday party it was maybe the first time I looked up and noticed that he’s not as young as he used to be. I told my stepdad that there’s a picture of Dad, my brother, and me, when we were little kids where we are all wearing t-shirts and cowboy boots. Dad had a full head of dark brown hair. And that picture for the longest time was how I thought of him. But at his 70th birthday party, as the pandemic has worn on and he hasn’t made it out for his almost weekly haircut, his hair has gotten longer and he has a full head of gray hair. Suddenly, he’s not the same as I remember him. But, he’s still my dad.

I had an uncle who died of Parkinson’s a few years ago. For maybe 20 years he wouldn’t let us come visit. Maybe it was vanity but he was afraid of what we would think if we saw him and what Parkinson’s had done to him. I tried to explain to him via text that it didn’t matter to me what he looked like, I was always going to remember him as I did when I was 5 years old. I told him that one of my favorite things when I was little was when he would come over to my grandmother’s house and he would call quarters out of our here. He responded saying that he remembered I had a very prolific right here and at those were some of his fondest memories. This text conversation comes up as a Facebook memory every now on his birthday. We never did get a chance to see him. The family all got together in New Orleans to celebrate his life when the time came.

It’s good to have those memories and those associations with people but we can let them get in the way of making new memories. It’s okay to hold on to the way things were in memories, but I’d rather experience people and things the way they are in that moment. I like to remember the way things were, but I almost like making new memories from new experiences more. Getting older and changing with the times is just a part of life. It’s important to remember to make new memories with everyone for them to remember us by.