The Truth Bound in Leather

As Erin left the courthouse and walked to her car, a tempest of various emotions began to overwhelm her. It was finally over. It was the end of an era, a new beginning that was both relieving and a little scary all at once. At the same time it was heartbreaking. How could a marriage that had started so beautifully and in such a perfect way, end with such bitterness and feelings of betrayal?

Erin started her car and began her journey home. Memories of both good and bad times flooded her mind as her eyes began to well up with tears. She had received a settlement in the amount of twenty thousand dollars in the form of a check which her ex husband, Brent, wrote for her on the spot at the request of the judge. But it felt like little more than a consolation prize considering the agony she had endured over the last several months.

Brent and Erin had been married twelve years, five months, and seven days ago. That day had brought a joy to Erin that she had never known before. The first five years were like a surreal dream, although not without their share of problems, compared to the last seven. Brent's work had begun to consume him, and he became driven and withdrawn from her. He had always been introverted, but she had always been able to reach him. Then, a time came when no matter how hard she tried to make him understand the loneliness and neglect she was feeling, he just would not even make an effort to connect with her. The final straw, though was when word began to get back to her about the beautiful blonde woman he had been seen with on several occasions.

Erin never confronted Brent about his affair. It explained why he had become so distant and obsessed with his so called work. She simply filed for divorce and asked her husband to move out. She wasn't surprised when he agreed to do so; he had probably been wanting to for a long time.

Now at home, Erin proceeded to purge her home of anything and everything that would remind her of him. He had already long since taken his belongings, but at least once of a week she would notice something that he had overlooked. As she went through the house with a box in her hands, she filled it full of nearly empty bottles of body spray, long forgotten DVDs, and even a picture of him and their son. Then she entered the room that had previously been his study, for only the second time since he had moved out. She began to check the drawers in his desk, one after another. The first two were empty but the third contained a small black notebook.

A mixture of excitement and dread began to fill Erin's heart. She knew what the luxury notebook was and what the place marking ribbon attached to it could potentially reveal. It must be one of his old ones though, she thought. He couldn't get through a single day without this. Brent was very detail oriented and even a bit compulsive. Erin knew how consistently he would plan each of his days. The black notebook had once served as his day planner, work journal, and place for random notes. He had most certainly detailed his encounters with that homewrecker in this notebook or another one just like it.

Erin picked the notebook up out of the drawer and set it on the desk. She began to open it, but then her hands froze and her mind began to wander. Did she really want to know? It really wouldn't change anything. But knowing the truth could bring closure and help her to move on. What if it's worse than she ever imagined? Would she be able to cope with whatever truth was inside?

Knowing that she could live to regret the decision, Erin opened the notebook and began to examine the dates on each page. Most pages contained reminders of things she had asked him to do, haircut appointments, school events, work logs, and so on. It wasn't until she reached a page that was dated nearly two months before they separated that she saw a woman's name and phone number written on the page. At the sight of her name, Erin's body began to tense up. Her heart began to race, and the insatiable fire of jealousy burned within her once again.

As she continued to turn the pages, determined to learn more and discover the truth, Erin continued to see the woman's name written in Brent's notebook with the time and location of each of the trysts that made up their sordid affair. By now Erin was crying tears of absolute hatred, disgust, and regret. Then she turned another page to reach a date that was merely a few days before he had moved out.

The new page was not filled with a list of things to do, or appointment times. It was a full page of prose written by her husband. The words that he had written shook Erin to her very core. She began to sob and cry bitterly. The truth that was contained in this little black notebook was far worse than anything she could have ever anticipated.

Catherine has asked me to begin to keep a diary of sorts documenting our journey together. I'm not even sure of where to begin. I guess I find it strange that we always meet at the park, the lake, or other venues of nature instead of in a traditional office setting. But I don't guess the setting is of great importance as long as I am able to give Erin the one thing that I know she so longs for me to give her, which is the man she fell in love with. I don't know why I am so distant with her. I don't even know when it started. It happened so gradually. Catherine says that it is common for men to get so lost in the daily grind of life that they unintentionally overlook those closest to them. We often begin by discussing Erin and how much I love her, and by reminiscing of the happiest memories that I have of her. It's the first step necessary for me to let my guard down again, be vulnerable, and let her in completely. I never thought in a million years I would ever be in therapy. It was so hard to make myself start this, and each time Catherine asks me to talk about how I feel goes against the very grain of my being. But I have to find a way to do this. For Erin and our son. Hopefully, by this time next month, Erin and I will be on the way to a new chapter in our relationship...

As Erin came to the end of Brent's journal entry, her hands were trembling from the intensity of the revelation she had just experienced. A small card fell from beneath one of the pages that she had not yet turned to.

Catherine Althea, LPC.