"The Truth About Marriage" : Marriage is really a marriage of one person

It's just that in reality, the story of a princess and a prince living happily ever after isn't very common. Sometimes, marriage can not be a happy castle, even in the smoke, chaos, people want to escape from the siege.

Experienced people often teach us that a good marriage needs "operation". In fact, the so-called "operation" is not like doing business, fighting over every penny, but to understand the nature of marriage, understand the truth of marriage, learn to resolve conflicts.

This is the original intention of Li Zixun in writing The Truth about Marriage.

As the guest host of CCTV's "Psychological Interview" program, as a psychiatrist who has been practicing for more than 30 years, Li Zixun incarnates Mr. Zimu in the book, like a wise man with a lively voice, deepening each practical topic involving marriage into a self-healing journey in the form of 25 case dialogues. Each case the name of husband and wife to east and cc to refer to, first through the east and cc their description of contradictions, full understanding of the contradictions in the men's and women's different perspective, and then, in the "chat" link with Mrs ZiMu, separately from the different Angle of view to analyze and guide men and women, let the reader can experience in reading, How couples can turn intimacy into true intimacy and love through honest dialogue.

01 Married life requires the "mentalizing" meeting of two people

Simply put, "mentalization" means understanding and perceiving others, developing empathy, and understanding the feelings of others with compassion.

There's a question I've been thinking about lately. If I had to choose again, would I have married so early? I suddenly realized that the life after the relationship is not my own. One of my best friends is still single. She's a real single, owns her own house, drives her own car, and has had N times as many boyfriends as I do. Looking at her all day long rich and idle boast, although I often comfort myself that I have love, but I found that the love of my husband is increasingly weak after marriage, I want to quit my job, do SOHO (freelancer at home, he strongly opposed. He didn't realize that the promise he made before I got married that I would have a good life, that I would always be happy, had gone out of his mind. Now I, really a little unwilling!

This is a scene described by teacher Li Zihun in his posthumous work The Truth About Marriage. Although seemingly fictional, it really reflects the mentality of many old aunts who enter the siege city.

In THE "CHAT TOGETHER" section OF the book, Mr. Zimu, the incarnation of teacher Li Zixun, asked Dongdong why he did not approve of Xixi's resignation. Dongdong was very wronged to explain: "I think our current life is good, every family around us is like this. But she seems to have gone back to being a little girl, which seems a little childish to me. Everyone has romantic and romantic ideas, but the real life should be how to live... You can't always live in a fairy tale."

This is the "mentalization" gap between two people.

Taking responsibility is tiring and it takes a toll. East EAST AND WEST JUST GET MARRIED, EAST EAST is "PHOENIX male", OLD HOME IS IN countryside, ECONOMY IS NOT ample, the SMALL home THAT cannot give THEM PROVIDES MORE MATERIAL support. Houses, cars, relationships, daily life, all need a lot of money to support.

Dongdong is just entered the workplace, income is not high. At this time Xixi want to resign at home to do SOHO, free and happy, she did not think of themselves to do so, is the burden of supporting the family are pressed in the east East a person's shoulder.

A woman in a marriage who expects her husband to always love her needs to be mentalized and empathic.

Xu Zhiyuan said, "Empathy needs to be understood first, so that it can be truly empathic, otherwise it is not true empathy, it is a kind of hypocritical empathy."

The essence of marriage is a company

Partner, whether "companion" or "companion", the main idea is "companion".

"If you teach me how to drive again, I'll take your last name!"

Poor east east one face Meng, do not know oneself where do wrong? "Driving a car should be taken seriously, not for fun. After all, it is a matter of life safety. I wanted her to work on her driving, but she didn't like my attitude... The instructor is much harsher than I am. Why is she so obedient?"

This is another scene that Ja-hoon shows in "The Truth About Marriage."

What she wants is to be accompanied by her lover, expecting her husband to participate as much as possible in all matters of her life. Let EAST EAST TEACH ONESELF TO DRIVE, REFLECTED WEST IN SUBLIMINAL THINK EAST EAST AND SHE IS VERY INTIMATE, DESIRE TO GET THE CARE OF LOVER, CARESS AND CLOSE.

According to Yang LAN, "The bond of marriage is not about children, not about money, but about spiritual growth together. It is a partnership." In a loving relationship, people can usually feel the satisfaction of being accompanied by their lover, and thus give rise to great enthusiasm for life. Only through the precipitation of wind and rain and years together can marriage present an intoxicating fragrance.

When the passion of a marriage fades and the nature of interdependence comes to the surface, a relationship of mutual fulfillment, mutual help and mutual respect will make people happy.

Marriage is a marriage of one person

"In real life, there is no truth to marriage, only your feelings are real. If you ask me what have I gained from this marriage with my husband? The answer is the nourishment and strength of life." On the publication of The Truth About Marriage, Mr. Lee's wife, Ma Chunhui, summed up their marriage this way.

Can reap the nourishment of love and the power of life in marriage, this is the true meaning of people yearn for marriage. Life is a way of self-improvement, marriage is our practice in life.

Everyone's inner world is like a magic world with its own unique rules that others can't understand. Understanding the impossibility of communication and understanding is part of growing up in a marriage.

In the world of gray and black winter clothes, a handful of bright roses in full bloom in the subway, my heart shook with the carriage, suddenly felt very moved. Today is our fourth anniversary, if I can also receive such beautiful flowers, how wonderful. But it didn't happen to me! Out of the subway station, I saw him standing shivering in the wind, holding a big plastic bag full of books. I wonder why he bought such books today! I also called him ahead of time, asked him to accompany me shopping after work, in the heart also want to have a romantic wedding anniversary. How could he go shopping with such a heavy bag of books? Say him, he also quite injustice: "This is not you suddenly decided to go shopping, at that time I was our unit downstairs in the bookstore to read a book, a heard that you want to go shopping before dinner, I hurried over, I'm afraid of their late, make you unhappy, I also early to come over, and so on you are a few minutes!" Alas, really a kind of "summer insect cannot say ice" feeling. Why is this man so single-minded? Why don't you just take the book upstairs to the office and come back on a date? !

This is another scene reproduced by teacher Lee Zi-hoon in "The Truth About Marriage". I was reading reading, can not help laughing, feel Li teacher this is describing me?

In fact, it's not just me, as a professional psychiatrist for more than 30 years, Li Zixun teacher described the scene, should be suitable for most women. It can also be seen that men and women are really from two planets, women yearn for romance, many men do not have that tendon.

A LOT OF WOMEN CAN MAKE SIMILAR MISTAKE, THE ADVANTAGE THAT SEES HIM BEFORE MARRIAGE, STEADFAST, SEDATE, WON'T RHETORIC, SUCH A MAN LOOKS JUST TO HAVE A SENSE OF SECURITY, AFTER MARRIAGE BECAME INTOLERABLE FLAW AGAIN HOWEVER. A man who is honest and dutiful before marriage is not likely to have a smooth tongue and understand romance after marriage.

The companion is "companion", rather THAN THE asCARIS IN OUR STOMACH, so the flower in the woman's heart is around, not only can the man around dizzy, but also can put themselves around unhappy.

How do you get rid of this bad mood?

In "The Truth About Marriage", teacher Li Zixun finally gives a seven-word cure: love yourself, don't expect too much. Marriage is a person's marriage, a person's feelings in marriage completely depends on their own. Only when a person first improves himself, improves his mind and learns to empathize with others can he balance and manage the close relationship between two people, and can he get the nourishment and love of life in the benign interaction between two people.