The Things I Have Learned After 20 Years Of My Journey Of Child Loss

This for all the parents that just lost a child recently or Its been a few years. Let me start by saying I am so sorry you are having to experience this devastating pain and grief. I know personally how that pain feels. I lost my son Lucas 20 years ago this past January. I never thought I would ever experience this kind of deep pain and i wish no parent would ever have to experience it either. Not how its suppose to go, we aren't suppose to bury our children before us. That's something you cant prepare for. No matter if your child is ill or sick and doctors tell you that its coming. In my case my son died unexpectedly with no sickness or signs or hints that is was coming. He died from an AVM, i never even heard of that before back then and still dont know a whole lot now. I have researched it and stuff but still dont understand how he had it. Its like an aneurysm but his kind though was that it sent a chemical to his brain to make him go to sleep without any pain or suffering. He did say he had a headache and stomache right before he passed away. Only just a few minutes later he was gone. So he didn't suffer long thank goodness. You never know that level of pain untill it happens. Your world instantly gets crushed, your world gets turned upside down. Now what, how do i live life without my child. Its a very lonely & dark road at first, i wish i had someone like myself thst i couldve just reached out to back then. I didnt know anyone that lost a child to help me with what i was feeling or not feeling and if it was normal. That i wasnt losing my mind that it was just grief and heartbreak, your body goes through a process. Your body lets you know way before your mind does that their birthday is close or that anniversary date is coming up. It is a wild feeling. You get physically sick, upset and cry, get irritable. I have done alot of things that im not proud of to try to numb my pain and fill that void in my heart. Only untill i got tired of getting high, and still being miserable, sad,depressed and lonely that i got on my knees & begged God to help me. Cried out and surrendered my all back to him, to take my pain away & heal my heart. To help me get off drugs and stay sober. He Healed my heart and ive been clean & sober for 5 years now. I promised God I Would Live The Rest Of My Life Serving & Worshipping Him. I would make it my passion & mission to help other parents get to know Gods Love & Strength & Goodness. I wish I had a magic wand i could just wave for other parents experiencing this devastating pain. Unfortunately I dont, what I can do though is give you some hope or advice or encouragement & motivation that could ease your pain a little or help you process this whole thing with some clarity. God is the answer to all your pain and grief & worries. All you have to do is ask, he will give it to you. If want to know anything at all know that im here for you. Im on your team. We are in this journey together and while it may have been 20 years for me, I still have my good & my bad days. Think of it this way, We are just on different levels of the journey. If this resonated with you or you know someone going through this and needs a friend not a therapist or counselor you can give them my info. Reach out to me by email, [email protected].