The tattoo I never wanted

I am a lover of tattoos. I have always admired them. I dont believe I have been in a relationship with a man who didnt have tattoos. As my kids began to get older they always talked about their first tattoo, I was firm and said not until you are 18.

My son would be the first to get inked on his 18th birthday, a crazy design he drew himself on his calf. My daughter on the other hand never liked to play by the rules and at 15 cam home with a cross on her calf, I was livid to say the least.

As they continued to age they continued to get more tattoos. I myself had no tettoos. As much as I admired them I never had the desire to get one myself. Afraid of the pain I think, as both kids told me how it hurt. Yet through out the years and the more ink they got they would ask me, beg me, try to bribe me to go and get one with them but my answer was always no. I also think I never had a reason to get one. What would I get? A rose, a butterfly everyone had those and I was ok with being ink free.

My son had one arm completely sleeved and on his other arm he had my name. I always told him his first tattoo had to be mom, which he never did get one, although on his arm in one of his tats the artist wrote in small letters Ma. I was happy. My daughter continued to adorn herself also, The little mermaid and Ursla the sea which consume most of her calf.

It wasnt until May 3 2015, when I decided and I knew I would get my first tattoo. I had to wait as I needed to take care of my son and make sure he had a proper burial and headstone. Losing my son was and will always be the most devastating day of my life, a piece of me died with him and has left a void with in me.

My sons sons, sisters father, a friend to us all well not at first but in time and understanding a friendship formed asked me if he could give the tattoo he said he wanted to do it for Joey and I said yes. I knew I never wanted to get a tattoo but the time came that I found and had a reason to get one.

I choose a cross the same one that is engraved on his headstone to be put on my outer right calf along with his name. I loved it I loved the way it came out and what it meant to me. About a month afterwards my daughters tattoo guy told her to tell me he would give me a portrait for $100, I accepted and I received my 2nd tattoo on my right inner calf a portrait of my my beautiful boy.

I was 49 years old when I got inked for the first and the last time. I love and admire my 2 tats, but Lord knows I would give anything not to have them and to have my son home where he belongs with his kids and living life until a ripe old age. To say the least they have great deep meaning to me, I can see him when ever I wish to by just looking down at my leg. He will forever be a part of me in more ways then one.