The start of something.
A journey to find me
I'm not sure where exactly to begin or actually how to begin my story I am 36 years old with 3 boys and 1 beautiful lil girl. I was raised in a small town in Texas, everyone knew everyone's business. It wasn't the greatest or the worst place to grow up. My mother was in nursing school most of my teenage years, after she graduated she was always at work like seriously always. My grandparents lived next door and they watched over me as best they could. My sister was in college about 2 hours away and my father did construction work, He built my child hood home next to my grandparents when I was in second grade when we moved to the small town. He also was an alcoholic but nothing less to me always a good dad. Addiction is a disease and I stand firm on that and sadly his took his life in 1999. That's when my life turned upside down, I started acting like a complete Ass not only to my friends but my family as well and still at 36 years old I still haven't gotten it right but I can honestly say I'm learning day by day I'm learning. I have lost all contacts with all my family none of them speak to me and I have literally no friends my only motivation is the thought that one day when life decides I have had enough of the "You Get What You Give In Life" I'll finally be able to jump out of this cycle and learn to live again. I am stuck though you see in a sea of bad choices made by me. I can point fingers and blame others or people but ultimately I made my choices and that's why I am here stuck in the bermuda triangle of my life. I know it sounds crazy but it's like people I won't name any names are literally after my sanity. Making me relive my choices over and over needless to say. I have switched up and started to make new choices better ones but I assume still not the best ones being I'm back at damn near square one with an abusive boyfriend whom takes all I have and acts like I'm worthless to him. I can honestly say though that my mind set is by far better now. I refuse to let the man control my mindset although I know he isn't the greatest I wish he would go back to the fun loving man I met and not this idiot he has taken on to be it's like he has studied my past my relationships and has picked up bad habits of all of them. I know I know you get what you give in life. but I don't care who you are noone should be knocked down every time they get a shot to make it and left in the cold. And that's just the start of it, but what I'm learning is a little faith and the hope of something more in this world than and ugly black crow squaking at my head. I hold on to the belief of my guardian angels and the lord himself watching over me. That there's a purpose for all of this and if I couldn't handle it I wouldn't be given this life. I may have lost myself along the way along with everything I own and everyone I've loved but I have hit the bottom and gotten back up more times than most and my heart is stronger than ever and I can honestly say I love me I've made mistakes and I'll probably make more but I refuse to let the false gods as I call them steal my soul my beliefs and my heart it makes me who I am and I know I come from some pretty strong ladies and gentlemen and I believe in myself more than most.