The Single Mother

Every job in life comes with some kind of training and skill requirements. There's a schedule, a certain day to get paid, expectations of growing at the job for a higher position or even moving on to a career. No amount of time, knowledge, money or growth can prepare you for having a child. When a mother makes the conscious decision to have a baby, she must know that no matter the obstacles, short comings or setbacks, that will always be her first job and number one priority. When someone makes the decision to become a parent, they give up the role of responsibility for themselves only.

I remember the first time I found out I was pregnant. So many thoughts went through my head, I heard all the opinions, I felt all the emotions and I sat for days at a time thinking about my future. I couldn't see what the future held obviously, but I knew I was in for a big change and the unexpected. Out of all the talks that came after the news of my pregnancy, one speech from a mother stood out to me the most. "Do you know that when you have your baby, that is going to be your main focus and majority of the responsibility will fall on you because you are the mother. If the father decides to up and leave today or tomorrow, you still have to be that child's mother. If no one else is able to help you, then you have to figure it all out." I would be lying if I said this scared me, but it did make me wonder what my life would be like if this was the case. It also was an eye opener for me to see how hard mothers have to work. Well, little did I know this would be my very experience today.

This was 2013 when I had my first child, and today I am 28 years old with 2 kids and living as a single parent. I have a 7-year-old son and a 4-year-old daughter. My life has been nothing short of a roller coaster since I've had my kids, with all the challenges I had to face. Although I didn't think I would ever be a single mother, this has been my outcome for the past 2 years. Now this didn't all hit me at first, but once I went a couple of months without that other helping hand around and at home support, life has gotten so hard. You see, most people really don't know what it's like if they haven't been in this predicament. They might wonder what it's like, hear stories and perhaps even witness it. As I mentioned before, I was told about the responsibility that would fall on me once I decided to have kids, but I still felt good and determined to do what I needed to do.

When the father was present in the home, I was still the primary go to for my kids, just because mothers are natural nurturers and my kids took to my attentiveness. They wanted me to make all their plates, give them their baths, buy whatever toys they saw on commercials, read them stories at night and make time to play with them after work. Not that my kids didn't have the option to ask their father for all of these things, but they just always wanted to ask me. Of course, it was a little frustrating for me, because I couldn't bear to tell them no. Their father couldn't understand why this was happening, but we tried to find a number of ways to deal with it. That all felt like a piece of cake, compared to the work load that fell on me after.

When I became a single parent, I barely had time to think about what I had to do for me. It felt like I just had a set of newborn twins with no father present, and life then became really hectic and busy. Both of my kids, constantly argue and fight for my attention, they want me to do separate activities with them, they always want to go out, and they do little mischievous things to get my attention when I try to do my own thing. This is all that I'm experiencing and things that I have observed, so now I constantly worry about what goes on in their heads. That has caused me some pain, worry and anxiety, but I learned ways to cope with it all. A mother is one person that has to play many roles, including a nurse, teacher, chef, counselor, you name it. We can't wake up and say "I can't do this anymore" or "I quit." Our job is never easy, and although we don't get paid for it, we surely learn just about every skill that is required for a paying job and we ace that shit! We have to learn patience first and foremost, get up on time, make food, dress them, take care of their hygiene, communicate well enough for them to understand for their ages, be attentive enough so they don't feel neglected, help with homework(keep ourselves educated enough to understand and remember half of the teachings), make sure they have the proper daily stimulation, buy their necessities, keep up their appearance, monitor what they watch, find sitters when needed, make appointments, call out if there is certain issues and a host of other things.

When a single mother has to take on these responsibilities alone, she doesn't only neglect her own needs, but she makes all the sacrifices so that she can be strong for her kids. Most kids wouldn't understand this at a certain age, but they surely do appreciate it and they will carry that same strength with them throughout life. As single mothers, we will always have set backs (big or small), we won't be perfect or always make every decision correctly and that is okay. However, we will show up and show out when we need to. We bond with our babies before they are born, give birth to them, then we do our best once they're present with us, because "Our Best" is all that we can do. Some of us are fighting our own battles, but we find ways to push it to the side or handle it in the best way possible. Whether our kids are 4,7,24 or 47, our jobs never stop.

I happened to be raised by a single mother for the first few years of my life, and I owe her all my gratitude and admiration for the strength she has. I'm able to be the strong-willed mother I am today because I had such a great example in front of me, so "Thank you Mommy." This writing is dedicated especially to you and all the single mothers who show up daily and give their best. You are truly appreciated!

P.S. This writing isn't to discredit any fathers in the world, because you are also greatly appreciated for all that you do. I just had to shine a light on Single Mothers because I am one, and we are spectacular.