The Realities of Divorce

My parents separated when I was eight. We lived in Virginia which meant the parents had to be living separately for one year. They had to wait one full year until their divorce was final. The most fought after in court is the custody of the minor children. Parents, lawyers, judges etc consider minor children as property. In the video Voice of a child of divorce, the young boy is writing a letter to his parents, he is explaining to his parents that he has feelings, how he develops is in the hands of his parents. Parents that constantly bicker over the children, in front of the child lowers their self esteem. By putting the other spouse down in front of your child sends a signal that they aren't worthy of love or being loved.

My mother would prevent my siblings and I from seeing our father. This is called malicious mother syndrome. She would take us out of the house just minutes before he was due to arrive to pick us up for visitation. Sometime he had us for the entire weekend, other times just Sunday visitation. Kids don't need part time parents, they need full time parents. My siblings and I still suffer to this day with the effects of our mother's actions. When my father died, my brother said "it's hard to miss what you never had." No truer statement was ever spoken.

I had a boy in my Cub Scouts, his mother was denied custody but was allowed visitation. He went for visitation with his mother and she fled the state with her kids. The father through a private investigator found his kids and tracked her down in California. He went to the police and they had her surrounded in the parking lot of a grocery store. The boy saw he father and was getting out of the car when his mother floored the gas, thus throwing the boy from the vehicle, running over him in the process. The boy was pronounced dead at the scene. When parents do this type of behavior it puts on display their selfishness for their children to see. It creates more stress and tension in the children.

In 2008, my son's wife disappeared with my granddaughters. My son reported them missing. She went to the welfare office to get benefits. When social services found out about the kidnapping report they went to the address that was provided. When they arrived the family said they weren't there but was at this address. They went to six different addresses before the children were found. When my son went to court the kids were one week here and one week there. One time my son went to return the kids and no one answered the door, he called the police and they knocked on the door without success. My son took the girls back home, only for the police to come into the house with guns drawn to forcibly removed the kids. His ex said he didn't return the girls when he was supposed to. When the judge questioned the police in one county and the one in the county in which his ex lived in and his county the judge made another decision of every other month. The kids were just three and two at the time. After my son's ex was caught with a lot of drugs on her table did she say "I think it's best the girls stay with you for a while." When the divorce was finalized my son had full custody of both kids, and his ex was given supervised visitation. She hasn't seen the girls but a couple of times in the last twelve years. The impact on my granddaughters have been enormous, as both have been bullied in school so badly that they have both tried to commit suicide.

If you aren't definitely sure your marriage is rock solid, do yourself and any potential child you are going to have a favor. Don't have any children.