The Power of Unconditional Love

I always listened to my aunt; I did better than listen - I internalized what she had to say. I do remember her telling me that when I found a guy that I could go on vacation with, where we just sat around enjoying the ocean, instead of flying over it, swimming through it, or any other stresslaxing activity, then I had found the one. I think I stumbled into it with one of my best guy friends. As he was a best friend first, during our friendship, I have flourished as a writer and I've decided I'm a late bloomer - I'm coming into my own at the age of 51. I couldn't have done it without the unconditional love I received from my parents, children and friends.

However, this guy really needs to go through an emotional detox before we continue. If you don't know what its like not to be loved as a child, count yourself lucky. The man I'm dating is a "pill" baby, as he calls it. He was an accidental pregnancy and the mother didn't abort. Problem was she was a drinker and would tell him that he was unwanted child. Pretty rough stuff. If you've ever wondered if verbal abuse is abuse, I'm here to tell you that it is.

If a child is left to think he ruined his mother's life, he will take that with him into every relationship with him. He will be a project, not a partner, and that will ruin the relationship dead in its tracks. With some unconditional love from him mom, he could've reached his potential. He's operating at a "C" student life when he is "A" student material. He doesn't think he is "A" student material because of the abuse from his mother. It's tragic really. Without this love, he is experiencing a failure to thrive of sorts.

I was blessed beyond measure that my mother was never abusive to me a day in her life - not verbally, not physically. In fact, she always told me that the day I was born, was the happiest day of her life. She doted on me, made my dance costumes, and drove me to all of my lessons. She loved me unconditionally and it has made all the difference in the world. Because she loved me, I can show love in a healthy way, and then improve the quality of my relationships, and then it just spreads. And so on, and so on.

Back to the guy I'm dating - even with his baggage, I do love him unconditionally. But since he didn't have it as a child, it has left traumatic scars and well it should. Studies have shown that unloved children are sick more often, don't have healthy relationships and don't know how to manage stress. Unloved children are being set up for failure.

So what do I mean by unconditional love? You love the person, no matter what. You love your teen even if they failed the science test. You love the granddaughter even if she broke your glasses. Its a no strings attached type of love. Its a compassionate love. It right sizes your ego - and it allows your natural gifts to flourish.

What do I mean by that? I mean that if you are unloved by a person you desparately want love from, it leaves a scar. That scar can turn into a victim complex. That victim mentality will destroy everything. It will make you selfish and unlovable, so it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. But the opposite of a victim mindset, is a creator mindset. Once I stopped my victim mentality that I had after my divorce, I have been able to create books, poems, short stories, etc. And once out of the victim mindset, I'm back to healthy relationships again.

So at the age of almost 52, I have finally found someone I love unconditionally. As I said, I'm a later bloomer. I can't control him any more than I control myself. I'm hoping he thrives under this love. He really should. He can create his own work that he will love so much. Love really does make the world go round. If you're a mom that tells their child they were a mistake - please stop now - you have no idea the pain and problems are you causing. Everyone deserves love, even the child you didn't want.