The Post-Partum anxiety journey that we need to talk about

(Trigger warning: If you have Postpartum anxiety, or get anxious as a parent, read with caution and at your own risk. This story goes over my experiences and fears that I struggled with my first year as a parent, and how I have coped with them.)

I didn't know that Post-Partum Anxiety was a thing until I was six months postpartum. I was having coffee with a friend, a stay-at-home mom of three, and she mentioned that she had Postpartum Anxiety after having her first child.

I didn't even know Postpartum Anxiety was something you could have.

Everyone has heard of Postpartum Depression, and plenty of Dr.s asked me about it in the hospital and made me fill out forms saying I didn't have it.

How could I have accurately known if I did though?

This was my first birth with my first baby. I had never experienced anything like that before, and not only that, I felt like I was fighting for my life the entire 2 weeks I was in the hospital.

I originally wanted to have a homebirth, and Lord willing our next baby will be born at home. But a week before my son's due date I was diagnosed with Preeclampsia. I was sitting in the Target parking lot after getting new plates for my car when I got a call from my Midwife saying that I needed to go to the hospital and be induced.

This was one of the scariest phone calls of my life.

After my son was born, my blood pressure didn't return to normal. It stayed at 180/90, which is really high if you aren't familiar with BP numbers. The Dr.s and Nurses seemed to be trying everything to get my BP back to normal, but nothing worked. Eventually, they put me on a Magnesium drip. This forced my Blood Pressure to lower because of the constant stream of Magnesium.

When I was eventually released from the Hospital, our Midwife came to check on me and my newborn. She left us a digital Blood Pressure cuff and told us to stay in touch with my numbers.

How I knew I had PostPartum Anxiety

I'd never really struggled with anxiety before in my life. I have always been a fairly chill and easy-going person. After having our son, and dealing with all my health complications afterward, I became tense, anxious, and very emotional.

Postpartum anxiety felt like always worrying about something.

I was worried my son would roll over in his sleep and stop breathing. Anxious to leave the house, make too much noise, and anxious about my Blood Pressure (which probably didn't help my Blood Pressure).

When my son started eating more solid foods, I was always terrified he would choke and that I wouldn't be able to save him.

These feelings were taking over my life, and I knew I needed help.

Getting help

There is nothing wrong with asking for help.

I wish I would have asked for help more with how emotionally taxed I was, told people about my anxiety when I had it. I'm so glad my mom friend had brought it up that one day over coffee, or I might have never even known I was struggling with PPA.

There are some things you can get that can help you deal with Post Partum Anxiety. Getting things that help you, and asking others for help and support doesn't make you a bad mom.

It makes you a human mom.

Sometimes, items really can give you so much peace of mind, and that is worth every penny. If I would have known about these products before giving birth, I would have made sure we had them before our due date.

(These items are not sponsored, they are just products I like.)

Owlet Smart Sock

This is an incredible invention, and I will be buying one when we get pregnant again.

This small sock goes on your baby's foot while they sleep, and tracks their vitals. If something were to happen, an alarm sounds on your phone.

This would have given me more peace of mind when my son slept. I remember sneaking into his room every 15-20 minutes to check on him. And if I didn't I could feel myself start to panic.

The Owlet smart sock seems like something that would have helped my anxiety immensely and is something I'll be investing in next time.

De-Choker

This item is now stored in our hallway closet with quick, easy access and is something I am SO thankful we bought.

We have never had to use it, thank God, but if we ever need it I know where it is.

Just having the de-choker in the house has taken away my anxiety while Arthur is eating. Knowing that if anything happened, I would be able to help him makes me feel safe, and like I can keep my son safe.

You're feelings matter, Mama.

Post-Partum Anxiety awareness is half the battle.

For me, this season lasted about 8 months. But I know for some women it can be a lot longer.

If you're a mom who struggles with PPD or PPA, know that you are not alone. There are support groups for moms to help get through this season and to help us navigate these feelings.

Check on Mom is a support center for new mothers, and is designed to help them find community and support. They have resources for Maternal Wellness, inspirational content for moms, as well as systems to find support near you if you don't have close friends or family to help you.

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-Leah H.