The 'Perfect' Parent

Questions about parenthood that I frequently hear

Is there such thing as a perfect parent?

Is it ok to make mistakes when you’re a mum or dad?

How can you be yourself if you’re a mum or dad?

This wishful reasoning that a perfect parent exist is untrue. There isn’t a definitive mum or dad who grow happy, well-adjusted problem-free children. The fact is there is no perfection when your a parent and there is no perfect child. It is self-defeating to strive to be perfect or to try and raise the perfect child.

As a parent, it is essential to recognise that its normal to feel anxious, confused, irritated, guilty, overwhelmed and ineffective because of your child or children’s behaviour. If you think back to how you acted or behaved badly as a child, how did your parents deal with your behaviour and what were your feelings to how they disciplined you? I’m sure they didn’t master this but at the same time neither did anyone else. I do feel that it is easy to say, ‘I’m not going to make the same mistakes my parents did,’’ certainly, we shouldn’t be battling to be a better parent against anyone else but just doing right for our children.

Becoming a mother, I never believed my instincts. I used to look for reassurance from others around me to allow me to know if I was being a good parent. This led to a lot of tears and constant guilt that I wasn’t doing that great as a mum. Five years have gone by and I have just realised that I cannot be stressing myself out trying to be perfect. Especially as perfection doesn’t exist. I look at my daughter and see the brightest smile, this smile comes from the love and care that she receives daily. In her little world, she couldn’t want for anything more. This is my indication that I’m doing just fine. Of course, the tantrums and the not listening happens but listening to every mother say they’re kids do the same has allowed me to realise I’m not alone. Taking the challenges of motherhood personally can become an issue. Parents and children make mistakes and from those you both learn. Parenting also feels more natural when you do it your way.

Every mum and dad will have their own parenting style, appreciating that and not having an opinion on it is a must. Unless of course there is a major concern. I’ve only just learnt about various parenting styles, which one are you?

Authoritarian parents are extremely strict and controlling. If their kids don’t follow their rules, then they are punished. It has been researched that children with authoritarian parents are often timid and lack self-esteem. They constantly are reliant on the authorative voice. Authoritative parents have a balance between being strict and allowing the child to be independent. Permissive parents can be warm and have few demands on their child. Uninvolved parents demand nothing and expect nothing in return.

I’d say I’m Permissive.

Parenting is the greatest gift , however the biggest loss through parenting is sometimes ourselves. I know some mums & dads have a perfect balance and others don’t. Parents shouldn’t want to get their personal fulfilment from their children. Maintaining your self-image through self-care and self-love is important. Parents need time to themselves and are supposed to take a break from parenting responsibilities. I don’t mean forget your child but have a moment for you.

Parenting is a journey that needs a lot of patience and understanding. Anyone hurling the perfect mum or dad recipes at you, just listen but you don’t have to take it as facts. Parenting depends on you and your child.

To all my mums and dads out there continue to be:

1.Patient

2.A Good Listener

3.Understanding

4.Consistent

5.Empathetic

6.Expressive with your love

7.Flexible

8.Creative

9.Focused on you (self-care)

My journey as a parent so far has been a learning curb and also the most extraordinary thing I’ve ever done. Here’s to many more years of being a mum and hopefully many more children.

Thank you hubby, for making this parenting journey so fun, we love you. To my little girl thank you for giving my life purpose, mummy loves you always.