The Mother-hood: Angie's Story

Angie sent me a text from the road - she was running about ten minutes late for her appointment.

When she did arrive, she came bustling in and set her son's infant car seat down in the corner. The baby gazed around the room with an easy tranquility.

Angie clearly was anything but calm….she kicked off her shoes and perched on the edge of the couch, hand pressed to her stomach.

“Should I get right on the massage table?” she asked.

Before I could reply, her son started to wave his fists, making impatient noises. Angie rolled her eyes.

“I was sure he would nap during our session today. He hasn't slept yet.”

“It didn't work out for your parents to watch him?”

“Well, I had plans to take him over there, but by the time I did that I would have been running even later. And Mom said they had errands to do, so he wasn't going to get a nap. I thought at least he’d have a chance to sleep if he came with me to my appointment. He hasn’t slept much at night…”

At this point, Angie crouched down, plucked the baby up from his car seat, and began bouncing him.

“Maybe I'll just feed him a bit before we start.”

“Okay. We can talk while you do.”

Angie lifted the edge of her blouse and tucked her son in close. He squirmed and pushed against her.

“Come on,” she said, “Have a little snack for Mom. It's okay… just relax!” She continued to perch on the edge of the sofa.

“Angie,” I said, “Can I ask you a question?” She nodded, still preoccupied positioning the resistant baby.

“How relaxed are you?”

For a moment she looked up at me, surprised. And then she started to laugh.

“Not at all! I need this session so bad!”

I chuckled too. “Go ahead and take a few minutes - see if he'll eat a little. There's no hurry…and I wonder, what would it be like to trust that however your time here is spent, whether you’re on the massage table, or we're talking, or just sitting quietly so that you can nurse your baby, it’s valuable?

“What if, no matter what we do, this is a chance for you to let go of the tension of the day, be still and present with your son…let go and let it be just-right?”

Angie started to open her mouth as if to object, but then went silent, and for the first time she allowed her body to relax back into the couch. She took a deep breath and signed. I could see her son's body relax too and he began to nurse.

“In fact,” I asked, “Would it be okay if we did a little guided meditation, while you feed the baby?”

“Sure,” she said, smiling.

“Okay, get as comfortable as you can. Close your eyes…

“Notice the couch supporting your body. Feel the fabric against your arms. The weight of your son's body where he's touching your skin.

“Notice your feet on the ground, bring your awareness up through your legs. Through your pelvis, through your stomach, up through your chest. Notice your breasts - the sensation of him nursing, and the difference on the side he’s not nursing right now.

"Let your shoulders drop. Relax your arms. Notice your neck. Let your face and your mouth soften. Allow even your brain to rest.

“Now, allow your being to expand to be even bigger than your body… so your body is inside of you… let yourself get bigger than the room. Expand to fill the building. Expand even bigger than that. Become as vast and expansive as you truly are.

“And from that space, is there really anything that's required of you right now? In this ten seconds? Go ahead and notice any tension in your body when I asked that…and let it go. Let your barriers drop – let your mind go. Truth, is there anything required of you right now?”

Angie took a big deep breath.

“No,” she said.

“Cool. So stay with that. Stay with that space.

"If you notice your mind start to chatter, running, getting busy… that's not a problem. It's just a barrier. Bring your attention back to your breath, and your body, and allow yourself to expand again as big as the room, as big as the building, out into space. Be the space...of you.”

For the next while, we just sat.

Every few minutes I would remind Angie to expand.

As were sitting together, I brought my attention to her body, aware of her baby and his body, and ask a healing energy to run through them both, a beautiful energy called “Restoration of Communion with Earth” from the Access Consciousness® work.

Now the baby was sleeping. Angie’s breathing was soft and regular. Gently I said, “You can open your eyes now if you like.”

After a moment she did. For the first time since she'd walked in the door, she looked like she was actually home. Not a million miles away, out of her body, holding herself ready for flight, and going a zillion miles per hour.

And then I asked her, “What would it be like if you could be present like this with your baby whenever he nurses?”

She said, “That would be…nice.”

“What would it be like if you asked to expand like this, every time you notice that busy, overwhelmed energy? Whenever you start to rush, to contract and tighten your body? Would that make it easier to be present with yourself…and your baby?

"It doesn't mean you have to slow down - it just brings you present with what you are doing, who you are, and gives you more choice to see what is actually required."

She nodded...and smiled.

“Okay,” I said, “Do you think he’ll sleep if you put him in the carrier?” Gently she transitioned him back to his car seat.

I quietly prompted, “Keep your energy wide, keep that space. Keep your barriers down.” He nestled in.

Without any hurry, Angie settled onto the massage table. I also continued to be space. I cradled the soles of her feet with my hands. I continuing to ask that healing connected earth energy to run.

And in just a few more moments both Angie and her beautiful baby we're breathing deeply. Slowly. Resting, relaxed and asleep.

(Writer’s note: Angie is based on a number of women that I’ve known and worked with in “The Calmer Mom Project,” my business as a life coach and energy therapy practitioner. The story is fiction, but the language of the body, how changing the energy can change any situation, and the challenges of pregnancy and life in the Mother-hood are real.)