The Mommy Trap: Break Free of Working Mother's Guilt

It’s no secret that moms (and dads) often feel guilty when they’re not at home with their kids. But what about when they’re at work? Moms can feel guilty for not being able to be at home with their kids, for working long hours, or for leaving their kids with a sitter.

The increasing number of working moms presents both challenges and opportunities for businesses. On one hand, businesses need to be aware of the potential for conflict between work and family responsibilities. On the other hand, businesses can benefit from the skills and experience that moms bring to the workplace.

Background data

According to the New York Times, the United States is one of just seven nations in the world without a nationwide paid maternity leave policy. For the countries that have it, the average duration of leave is 29 weeks.

Data from the U.S. Census Bureau shows that, in 2018, there were 23.5 million working women. Of those, about two-thirds were full-time working moms with children under 18.

Moms in the workplace have grown exponentially. According to the U.S. Department of Labor, from 1975 to 2019, working women with children under the age of 18, grew from 47.4 percent to 72.4 percent.

By comparison, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, the percentage of working fathers with children under the age of 18, was 92.3 percent in a 2020 report.

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As a mom, you’re probably no stranger to juggling multiple responsibilities. And as the primary or co-primary breadwinner in your family, you know the importance of earning a paycheck. So don’t feel guilty about wanting to work.

With a little planning and cooperation from your boss, you can have the best of both worlds. Moms are known for their multitasking skills and their ability to juggle many different responsibilities simultaneously. And with the number of moms in the workforce, businesses need to be aware of the potential for conflict between work and family responsibilities. But businesses can also benefit from the skills and experience that moms bring to the workplace. So don’t be afraid to enter the workforce as a mom.

20 tips for avoiding “mom guilt” in the workplace:

Guilty feelings

• First, accept that it’s okay to feel guilty sometimes. It’s natural to feel guilty when you’re not able to be with your kids, especially if you’re used to being home with them all the time. Just remember that it’s okay to have feelings of guilt and that you’re not alone in feeling this way.

• Set boundaries. Make sure you set clear boundaries between your work life and home life. This will help to minimize the amount of guilt you feel.

Time management

• Try to keep a balance between work and home. It’s important to have time for both, so try to find a balance that works for you. Don’t overwork yourself, and make sure to set aside time to spend with your family.

• Take a break. When you need a break from work, take a few minutes to relax and de-stress. You can do this by taking a walk around the block, reading a book, or taking a nap.

Planning

• Make a plan: Before you start your workday, make a list of what you need to accomplish and try to stick to it. This will help you feel more in control and less guilty.

• Let your boss know that you will need to take some time off for family events, such as school conferences or doctor’s appointments. This will help to ensure that you do not feel guilty about taking time off for family events.

Work flex arrangements

• Talk to your boss about flexible work arrangements. If you’re feeling guilty about working long hours, talk to your boss about working from home or coming in later in the day. Many companies are willing to be flexible with their employees’ schedules, especially if they have young children.

Getting help

• Ask for help when you need it. If you’re feeling overwhelmed at work, don’t be afraid to ask your coworkers for help. They’ll likely be happy to lend a hand, and it will take some of the pressure off of you.

• Don’t be afraid to ask for help from your spouse or other family members. It can be tough trying to do it all on your own, so don’t be afraid to ask for a little assistance.

• Remember that you’re not alone. Moms everywhere feel guilty about being away from their kids, but it’s important to remember that you’re not alone. Talk to your friends and family about how you’re feeling, and they’ll likely be happy to offer their support.

Child care arrangements

• Don’t feel guilty about using childcare. You’re not a bad mom if you need to put your child in daycare or hire a babysitter. As long as you’re providing for your child’s needs, you’re doing what’s best for them.

• Stay in touch with what’s going on at home. Check-in with your partner or a nanny to see how the kids are doing. This will help you feel more connected to them and less guilty about being away.

Self-care

• Make time for yourself. Even if it’s just a few minutes each day, take some time to relax and focus on yourself. This will help you stay calm and collected when dealing with stressors at home and at work.

• Use your lunch break wisely. Don’t spend your entire break talking on the phone or checking Facebook. Use this time to take a quick walk or eat lunch. This will help to refresh you for the rest of the day.

• Make time for yourself. Take some time each day to relax and rejuvenate. This can be anything from reading a book to taking a bath. Taking some time for yourself will help you to feel refreshed and energized.

Connecting

• Keep in touch with your kids. One of the best ways to avoid mom guilt is to keep in touch with your kids while you’re at work. You can do this by calling them during your break, sending them a text message, or writing them a note.

• Talk to other moms. There is no need to feel guilty if you are struggling with guilt in the workplace. Talk to other moms who are in the same situation. They will be able to offer you some support and advice.

• Talk to your kids about what you’re doing at work. Let them know that you’re working so that you can afford to buy them new toys and take them on trips. Explain that you love them and will always be there for them, no matter what.

• Take advantage of technology. Use video chats or online messaging to stay in touch with your kids during the day. This will let you see and talk to them, even if you’re not able to be there in person.

• Make time for your kids when you’re not at work. Set aside time each day to read them a story or play with them. This will help them feel like they’re still an important part of your life.

Conclusion

Many mothers feel guilty when they are away from their children. They may feel like they are not fulfilling their role as a mother if they are not at home with their kids. However, there is no need to feel guilty about working. You can still be a great mother and have a successful career.

The future of moms in the workplace is bright. More and more moms are returning to work after having children and companies are starting to realize the benefits of having a more diverse workforce.

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