The Loneliness of being a single mother

My name is Brooke, I became a mother at 20 years old. Not only a mother but a single mother. My daughter's father didn't want anything to do with me or our child after I had found out I was pregnant, and he ran. Far and fast.

I know what most of you all are thinking, "Stop whining, and grow up!' or your going to tell me to "Just deal with it" but what most of the people that will tell me that don't understand what it's like to not have someone else to help you through this situation. It has been one of the hardest things for me to adjust to and I still haven't adjust yet. To be completely honest I don't think you ever fully adjust to being a single mother.

The biggest cause of loneliness for me is knowing that I have an innocent baby that I am now completely responsible for. All by myself. No one else would be there to help me. Also coming to the realization that I was going to be supporting this child all by myself. That one acknowledgement drove me into an vastly lone stat of mind.

The second cause of my destitute is that for the longest time the only other company I had was my newborn daughter. It wasn't well into her 2nd year that I finally went out without her (aside from work). That I actually got to be around some of my old friends again. It was the feeling of isolation that sank the solitary feeling into my head even further.

Then there was my family drama. Now this isn't the case for most single moms but, for me my own mother was a big stress factor for my lonely feeling. She was married when she had me and my 2 siblings. Her children got to grow up with 2 parents in the house. She not only got to stay with me and my siblings for several years, she also got the chance to go back to school and start a new career because she had another person there to help her reach those dreams. She has been exceedingly hard on me mainly because she doesn't understand what I am going through. We have been working on our issues though and we are getting better at communicating with one another.

Another big stress factor for my self inflicted isolation is dating. I am now 24 with a 3 year old daughter and I haven't been on a date since me and my child's father split. It would be considered an understatement if I said finding "Mr. Right" wasn't easy. There are not a lot of men that want to date a single mom, and a lot of others that can't handle that kind of commitment. For me at least the thought of never finding a life-partner, someone to be my rock, because I had a child was the cake-topper for my depression.

I have spent the past year working with my family and friends and more recently a counselor to help better myself and make myself realize that I am not actually alone. That I have actually just self isolated because I am afraid of me and my child getting abandoned once again. It has been a scary roller-coaster of emotions the past 3 years but I am slowly getting to a good place in my life and I felt like I wanted to share my insight with others and help them understand that we are doing the best we can. It's not that we aren't trying we just need a little bit of patience and understanding. One more note, to all of the single mothers out there, keep your head up. Remember you are never truly alone, and it is okay to ask for help!