The Little Black Book

Dear Diary, Beware of distractions they come so fast and between when you're so close to your goals being achieved. You can be engaged in learning the most rewarding self improvement techniques ever when Alvin comes along with his mocha smooth skin, puppy brown eyes, dreadlocks dripped hugging his tightly designed four pack and a killer smile, and takes away your attention of your growth and focus on becoming your greatest you. I’ve told myself this time I was not going to fall for another personal trainer; this time I will not gaze deeply into his eyes and see him and vision us at the altar. Besides, I don’t even know if he likes my hair in an updo or Shirley Temple’s curls with a flower gently placed behind my left ear. It must be a trend now how everyone is going out on a limb somehow to make it to the gym now. I might be on defense now that I see how Alvin’s grin shows me that he wants me in the locker room right now. Talk to you soon,

July 14, Love Me.

Dear Diary, people only want you to go as far as they expect you to excel. The moment you exceed their expectations of your success they envy you, despise your change and you become a target of their demise. When I was living in the streets begging for somewhere to sleep I couldn’t find anything that wasn’t hard for me. Staying in the streets got crazier by the weeks. Trying times in the rough places took the heart of me. Doing despicable things from the pain pushed me into a frame of mind that made me think: life is backwards. I shifted the blame. Chasing my dreams they haunted me with memes whose daughter is this? What a shame, no love, crying all the time, can’t you see this insanity. Looking in the past causes pain, fear and despair of what could have been. All I wanted was a pen to write where I began. Talk to you soon.

May 8 Love Me.

Dear Diary, she looked like a vulture when I looked into her eyes. Scavenging for gossip, none here for her foundering. We sat under the sun as it shined so dazzlingly taking the terror away as we casually counted down the number of days. Aunt Millie has been wringing her fingers and pacing the floor all afternoon in anticipation of the reading of Grandma’s will. Who would have known it would be such a juxtaposition of Grandma’s death and my family and I visiting. How could her life end so soon, she never missed an occasion to fill me in on his new adventures in her life. Every invitation he attended. Her world was in gloom. Esmeralda was her name. She tried to get Grandma to change her will to add her. Zack Jackmen read off Grandma Last Will and Testament. It was like I was running through the tall grass in the summertime. Reminiscing on how I would love to play Mother May I with her as a kid when I heard “And to my Princess you are one who will do and go live out these pages in my little black notebook I leave to you and may this $20,000 help with starting on that journey” “Penny, Penny did you hear that” said Beautiful as I snapped out of the trance. I just always thought both “ nothing is worth having if you don’t work for it” and “ you're only loved when you're here, once you're gone all memories disappear” so I have to use this $20,000 to work for me and cherish every word written in this little black notebook. Talk to you soon

September 24 Love Me.