Spill The Tea

I’m 41 and haven’t lived my life or truth yet. I have been silenced before I was able to speak up for myself. Is it frustrating? Yes. As early as I can remember my voice and opinions were slowly taken from me, slowly placing me not just in a shell, but in a spiral of hate for others and more so hate of my self. It all started when my mom’s got arrested. At the age of 9 I had to be an adult. I had no idea what the world was like; cruel and cold like the C&C sodas I grew accustomed to drinking after awhile, it was all I cold afford; that a $.25 little Debbie cake and a bag of chips back when potatoe chips was a quarter. We called them cheap and cold. It all took place after my mom and I moved into a one bedroom apartment in a townhouse complex. My moms was over protective of me so I was not allowed to play with the neighborhood kids let alone join the local boys and girls club. As the new superintendent my moms was always on call and never home, something like before we moved. After a few a year living there my mother finally allowed me to play outside with the other kids. I was eager to play with the neighbors; they ran a candy store out their house and that was so cool. Back where I was from you had to go to the cellar to buy candy or to old lady Ms Green house. Sometimes her cookies and frozen cool aid cups tasted funny but they had real candy and snacks like a real store. I guess I raved on it so much that gradually I was permitted to visit the neighbors house. Thinking back now I should have been satisfied with my moms strict rules. I persisted so much that it lead up to spending the night over. I thought it was cool to have girls to play with being as though I had no family in this new city we moved to. But that’s when all the youth got sucked out of me. I was trapped. This old lady who presented her self as the sweetest grandma alive had a deep dark hatred inside her. She had the green eyes. Little did I know it at the time, it all unraveled when her husband died.

It was an ordinary day to me, it’s been two months since I’ve seen or heard from my mother. Mrs. Carla was doing her usual, sitting in her white lawn chairs on the front porch smoking her cigarettes. She was waiting for the mail man to deliver the mail. She called for me to go check it and I did. The insurance check had arrived unbeknownst to me. “Go in the house take the chair with you and shut the door and lock it”. I did as I was told. Later that afternoon Te-Te asked me “where is grandma? I shrugged my shoulders and said “ she told me to take the chair in the house and lock the door”. It was a week before she returned. Come to find out she got the check from the insurance company after the death of her husband and went to the casino and gambled it all away. The adults in the house was talking amongst one another Rosa said “That’s fucked up she left us in this house with no food to feed these kids” Te-Te said, “ No what’s fucked up is she took uncle Fred’s insurance money to gamble knowing he is a Christian. As the conversation continued my mind wondered to the whereabouts of my mother.

“Grandma home, grandma home” is all I heard from the kids down stairs as I stared out the window looking across the yard hoping I see my mother walking up. “where is Jasmine?” I heard in a strong angry voice. “” she upstairs” replied Te-Te. “ go get her, tell I said come here”. I heard the entire conversation and by the tone of her voice it changed from the sweet and innocent voice to hatred. I came down looking for a hug but before I could show her that she was missed she proceeded to lay the law down to me. “ Y’all kids go play, not you; girl go fix me some ice water. Your mother ain’t paid me in three weeks and you can’t be staying here without any money. You need to find your mother”. I checked out right then and there. My mind went to one zillion places to look for my mom, the problem was I am 9. How on earth am I going to be able to find my mother without any help. She was still talking I didn’t know it then but she gambled over $5000 and only bought home $300.

The next week my dad came for his weekly visit to give me my allowance. My dad was aware of the situation of my mom’s losing everything. So him giving me the cash but leaving his responsibility on total strangers never was a bother to him and I never understood it. One week I asked for my allowance and my dad asked me “ what did you do with your money, I just gave you money the other day” “Daddy I don’t have any money” I replied “ why not? I give her money every week for you” he said. “ Well I don’t ever see it” I said. “ Hum, so all this time she hasn’t been giving you the money I give to her to give you.” He said “No daddy, she don’t give me any money” I replied. “ from now on I’ll give you the money” said daddy. “ No daddy she will be angry with me if you don’t give her money” I cried. “why are you crying “ said daddy. “ Daddy ever since mommy got arrested for mistaken identity and loss everything, and her husband passing away she has been mean to me “ said Jasmine wiping the tears from her face. “ Ok, this is what I’ll do, I’ll give her money and you too, don’t let no one know”.

After that visit from my dad it seemed like the days grew darker and grim. I was a modern day Cinderella. My mom’s finally called. She was back on her feet but only for her self, had no time for me. Some how Ms. Carla convinced my mom’s to let me stay there and go to the public school down the street. At the time my mother thought that was the best she could do for me or was it that I was a problem and she was glad to get me off her hands.

It was December 25, 1991 or ‘92. I was excited about Christmas like every other child. Christmas was the time when everything I hoped for came true, it’s like Santa made sure on this one day I had everything I wanted even if there wasn’t a chimney. Sure I learned Santa and the Elves was just to make me believe because my mother told me her and my dad was Santa. And at four years old I didn’t believe her, why I talked to Santa everyday on the 1- 800 NorthPole number that came on the screen. For $1.99 the first minute and $.99 cents each additional minute resulting in not having a house phone. So to prove to me Santa wasn’t real, and my mom and dad was Santa they would take me Christmas shopping to pick out everything I wanted; But that didn’t stop me from believing in Santa.

So on this one particular Christmas morning I experienced the grinch and Santa’s coal all in one. The temptations Christmas music was playing the tree was decorated beautifully with the gifts filling the most of the living room. All the children was excited and playing. I was sitting on the steps as the names was being called and the gifts was being passed out... every one was happy as everyone even the adults got gifts. Wrapping papers all over the floor as I wait to hear my name, it wasn’t till she saw me sitting quietly and patiently on the steps and said to me “ did you get your gift” I replied “No” she asked “is there anything else under the tree”? And as she handed me the one last box from under the tree I thought maybe they saved the best gift for last and it will be better than anything I could have imagined. As I tore the paper off the box to my surprise It was a 800watt Con Air blower dryer “ what is this”? I asked. “It’s a blower dryer, girl” Rosa replied. Not that I didn’t know what a blow dryer was. I was asking more so what is a blow dryer doing as my gift? “ What am I supposed to do with it”? I said. “ Don’t ask me, blow dry your hair I guess”. Rosa said.

I sat there sad and ungrateful, disappointed and furious as the talk of embarrassment of me getting a blow dryer for Christmas was the chatter among the other kids.

Most people would have turned that hurtful experience of pain and rejection to became the best beautician working hard to make lemonade out of lemons.

But that wasn’t the case. I pulled my self together and planted a smile in my heart and on my face and hoped for another day. The next morning as I lay in my top bunk bed in a pool of pee that the other girl left for me to get another whooping I hear my name being called to get get my pajamas checked to see if I wet the bed. Yamika has already changed her wet clothes and stashed it in the hamper. Thoughts of yesterday played in my head. “Girl come here and let me check you, your nasty ass probably pissed in the bed again” said Daisy as she grabbed me by the arm and swung me around to check my clothes. The back was wet but my front and panties were dry. “No ma, she didn’t piss the bed” “ Well it must have been Yamika little pissy ass” said Ms Carla. “Bring that bitch to me, I’m a fuck her up, I done told her to stop pissing in my bed”. I had a minute of relief, finally I didn’t have to get whipped for something I didn’t do. It wasn’t always such hostility at the babysitters house. It was actually kind of fun. It was the summer of 1988 when my moms got a new job and uprooted me from St. Bridgett’s. I was the teachers pet as some may call it Ms Highness was my 3 rd grade teacher she expressed to me it was sad to see me go. “Ms. Highness today is my last day here, my mom got a new job and we are moving “ I said with such grace and enthusiasm. “Good luck to you and your new school I know you will do great, I will miss you, we will miss you” said Ms. High. My mom was excited about her new job that at the time they presented her a lovely benefits package at first until she got there and the management team short changed her. Let me not move to fast. So on the day we moved in to our new apartment I saw a lot of kids playing in the back yards. We were new to the city and to the neighborhood so my mom wouldn’t allow me to go out side to play with the other kids.

Life gave me lemons and I sucked them. I lost the desire to enjoy life because of all the mishaps after another. Then a door cracked for me to re-emerge in life. Becoming a TLC independent representative gave me 26 reasons to start that journey

•Reduces Stress

•Reduces The Risk Of Cancer (I Am A Survivor)

•Prevents Cardiovascular Disease

•Combat Aging

•Aids Weight Loss

•Prevents Wrinkles

•Reduce The Risk Of Arthiritis

•Strengthens Your Bones

•Helps Lower Cholesterol

•Prevents Obesity

•Good For Reducing Diabetes

•Strengths Memory

•Mitigates HIV

•Protects Against Parkinson

•Provides Protection For Your Liver

•Prevents High Blood Pressure

•Protects Against Food Toxicity Or Poisoning

•Reduces Levels Of Sugar In The Blood

•Prevents Cold And Flu

•Aleve’s Asthma

•Combats Ear Infection

•Helps In Herpes Treatment

•Aleve’s Allergies

•Prevents Cavaties

•Stimulates Your Immune System

•Removes Intestinal Sludge

Follow My Journey

www.prettypenny1.com

Or get your tea https://linktr.ee/MrsPenny79