The Life I Choose
This is the life to which I aspire with my husband in retirement. Turns out it’s all for the future of our daughter.
The dawning light wakes me as it eases through the bedroom window of the cabin. I slowly roll myself from the bed, pulling the blankets back up to snuggle the resting form of my husband.
I quietly walk from the bedroom to the shadowy kitchen to feed the pot-belly stove and start breakfast. As I put the breakfast fixings into the sizzling cast iron skillet, the Brittany pads out to greet me and the enticing morning, hopeful for her share of bacon. “Good Morning, Girl! Don’t worry, you know the grease is yours.” She then turns, tongue lolling, to welcome my husband joining us in this serene morning hour.
I fill the coffee pot at the sink where, through the window, I see the glassy lake coming to life with the sunrise, the sun glinting off tiny ripples where the fish roll. I smile.
After breakfast, the birds are calling me outside with their twittering songs where I can enjoy my morning walk down the wooded path; savoring the peacefulness, beauty and smell of nature inspiring me before retiring to my library room for the day’s writing. After the day spent writing, and my husband’s day spent walking the woods to hunt gamebirds with the Brittany, or on the water relishing the fly-fishing, we take our evening sauna and swim, then dinner, before enjoying an after-dinner drink, and discussing the day’s happening’s.
This is the life we have worked so hard to achieve. It’s ours. It’s mine. This is my life. The life I want, the life I envision, the life I deserve.
My husband speaks quietly. “It’s a beautiful night, Babe. Let’s take our drinks outside and enjoy some time by the campfire.” We mosey out to the firepit, where hubby builds a nice fire, and I settle into my chair beside his so we can appreciate, settled in each other’s company, the twinkling stars and constellations.
Looking up, I exclaim in loud whisper “I love the stars!” They shine brightly in the dark, dark sky from other times; shining light upon us, bathing our togetherness in history. My thoughts are of my ancestors and where I came from, how I got here and where I have yet to go. What sacrifices were made for me in order to live out hopes and dreams? Maybe none. Maybe I think too much. Especially when lost in the stars and the firelight and a good glass of wine. And in the company of my Love.
What did I sacrifice to get here? A few things. I sacrificed easy comfort to find belief, and I sacrificed family to find authenticity. Then, after our child was born, and as she grows, I realized everything I have sacrificed and gained is for the benefit of her: my child. The future Mother of my grand-children, great-grandchildren and so forth for generations beyond knowing. My resolve has been about giving her the benefit of living authentically with the knowledge she is capable of doing it. She is equipped – she has the tools and support. Right now, she is nurturing a common teenage disdain for her parents, but I think that is an important part of growing up. It’s about gaining autonomy; a sense of developing individuality. See it through, my lovely daughter. One day, you will figure out how to appreciate the beauty of your own deserving life, too. The beauty of your own choices. You creating your own life, and developing your own choices is what my vision is truly about. I can give you the best of me because I’ve worked hard to find that part. For all of us.