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The Horizon

by Jessica A. Fox 6 months ago in immediate family · updated 3 months ago

By J.A.F_Jess.A.Fox

Here I am sitting in a bedroom the size of an average apartment, watching the canvas my father painted of his yacht. My father has dreams of bringing his ship to the horizon and finding treasure. My mom's a popular phycologist, has written books, and worked with famous people and almost every politician of our century. My younger sister is at Harvard studying law. My brother's a McGill and Harvard graduate. He is now a travailing DR. Then you got me, the high school dropout who hopes to one day model. My parents say they support me, regardless of my decisions, but we all know that helicopter and authoritative parents are bound to be disappointed, but they will not tell me.

My family comes from a long line of success, so the emphasis on achievement is high. Becoming a model gives me a larger sense of belonging in the family. Yes, I am an Instagram and every social media you could think model, but I have more significant goals. I want to lose more weight and became Canada's next top model. When I say this, my father says it is a good idea, but I had an eating disorder, and my mom says it is me doing everything I can to achieve a goal that is not easy. My younger sibling says it is me just being lucky and using my beauty to win my way through life. Whatever you call it, I want to model.

You likely think she is a woman with so much power behind her, and she wants to model, no please go to school, do something with yourself, and that I am. But everyone then calls my steps towards it as a disorder; whatever happened to be happy with one's image? So, what I want to be 100 pounds; What's wrong with this? It is 100 and healthy. It's like my father believes the day he reaches the horizon, he will find treasure; what is so different? We're casing something we cannot see but hope to find in the end! I worked so hard, hit the gym, and my father would wake early to hit the water.

My mom helps so many people balance and bring homeostasis in their homes but does not even have BALANCE in our own home. She seems to have hit a depression too. It's like depression can take anyone. My mom is such a successful woman, degree and bachelor's, recognized for being top of her classes in all schools she studied. Mine and my father's interest started taking a toll on her, and we were so busy focusing on yourselves we did not even realize the signs. My father was living his dream and stressing my mother as I lived mine. My younger sibling and brother are so busy my mom has become lonely. Empty nest syndrome, you can call it. I tried telling my dad that mom was falling into a low, and he told me to focus on this disorder of mine and stop trying to evaluate someone that has nothing to evaluate. My DR. father is always right, right.

A Year Later, Tyra Banks says she is coming to Montreal; when I say I got into sexy, it would be an understatement. I got on the show. It was high for my family and me, but as high as the moment felt, my mother, took it as a low. I had an hour to talk to my family after the first week; my mom seemed different. My dad says she lost interest in all her hobbies and cries herself to sleep most nights, according to our maid. My mother could have so much joy in watching her children succeed like her; therefore, I could not understand why she would hit a low. When I got to speak with my brother the following week, he explained that my father was never home since I left. My mother fears he is doing more than seeking treasure.

The reality is that my father was at sea if he wasn't in the operating room. My mother manifested a lot of self-blame for my father, never wanting to be home, saying she had no worth. She eventually got worried about her unrealistic evaluation of her value and began to see a phycologist. My family kept that part from me and said she fell ill whenever I wanted to speak with her. Everything was going great for me. I reached the top three, and my father found a treasure leading him to another. When I called to announce to the family, I made it in the top three; they explained to me that my father has not returned home for two weeks and that my mom lost her job because she was not showing up due to high usage of substance keeping her unable to function. I could no longer focus, but my siblings pushed me to push through to the end. While I was busy becoming a model, my mother reached stage 4 of alcoholism and was sent to rehab by my siblings.

At this point, furious, I paged my father. My younger sister should not have to balance the home or my brother, who is across the seas. He informed me he found pieces of an abandoned ship. The parts are not far from the volt he saw with over a million dollars. He told me, "I told you, you find my ship on the horizon, with gold at the bottom." When I told him about my mother's state, he dropped all findings and rushed home. My mother instantly revered back to her regular self. My father was her battery. He kept my mother alive.

I eventually won first place in Canada's next top model and returned home. I spoke to my father about his findings to see if he had gone back, and he said he never returned in fear of my mother's relapse. I smiled, and the phone then rang. My brother called from overseas saying he was nominated for an award on a project he was working and hoped the family could sail over on the yacht to join the celebration. My mother instantly agreed, and we then told my father to take this moment to find the remainder of his treasure. So the family packed up and hit the seas. My little sister is staying home because of her studies but was with us at heart. As we began to hit the horizon, my father yells, it is here. He got it. If you could snap a picture of the joy in my father's eyes, I began to have tears fall down my face. Finally, my father reached the goals he painted in his photo. I also became a model, and my mother is smiling again while we watch my father pulling out the treasure that the entire city called a fairy tale. The joy was remarkable, just like my brother accepting his reward. He even said you could not make your way up without knowing what it is like to be down. I told you, my family was a long line of success, right. Now it is time to see if you agree. Can a disorder and depression can take anyone?

immediate family

Jessica A. Fox

Artist and Author

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