The Holiday Season and the Pressure Moms Feel

The countdown starts around Halloween. You realize you have two months before the big guy in red shimmies down your chimney and brings joy to your family.

He also brings a headache and a mess that seems to last for days — just like that turkey smell.

The Beginning of the End

As things get cleaned up from the Halloween festivities and you start packing away the paper craft spiders, along with the recycled sheet ghosts, you’re also taking out the Christmas decorations. Some think it’s too early, but you know the sooner you start, the easier it will be.

So you tell yourself every year. And so goes every year as you put it off a few days, then it turns into weeks until you find yourself up until 1 AM a week before and you're still hanging garland.

Now, I know that’s a bit extreme, but you get the idea behind it. The beginning really starts when you buy your first gift or put up your tree; whichever comes first. Some people start in July with gift buying where others (my husband) wait until the week of Christmas to go to the mall. The people who wait until last minute don’t put less thought into gifts than those who start early. Most of the time they don’t have just that — time.

Are you hosting?

That is the biggest thing to think about. With large families, you have to have a singular place to gather with each other and trade gifts, stories, and food. If you are one of the lucky ones who have a decent size home, you get to host. Heck, even smaller houses can host, it just gets a little cozy. Hosting is an honor, but also a responsibility that has an underlying judgment from your relatives.

Feeling the pressure of hosting a family, be it large or small, roomy or not, you have a lot to think about. What meat am I serving? Do I have to worry about non-meat eaters? What time? Should I have people bring things? How many people do I have to feed? Then there is the worry about kids, which is a whole different conversation to have with yourself.

As a kid, you don’t know what goes into this day. You just know everyone is coming over and there will be lots of food and gifts. You eat all day and play with toys and cousins all night, too excited to sleep. If your parents host on Christmas Eve, you are to wired to go to sleep so you try to stay awake as you wait for Santa; you instead fall asleep on the floor and wake up in bed. Did you teleport, sleep walk or did he magically float you to bed? It’s a mystery every year.

As the responsible person in charge of hosting, once you figure out the menu, it comes time for prep and cooking.

Did you remember all the gifts?

As you shop for food and mark off the list you checked twice, you try to think of everything. Pie, salad, meat, potatoes, snacks, etc. You get everything you planned, plus extra, because everyone always does. Once home, you’re unloading the car, tallying off everything in your mind as you see it in the bag. You have a few days before the big day and you feel great.

Then you start going over the list of people you expect and the ones you don’t; you even add a few people you didn’t invite, because they show up anyways. Everything comes to a stop as you remember....you didn’t get Aunt Sue a gift!!!

You don’t expect much from her other than more of her “great garage sale finds,” but that’s not the point. She is that relative that doesn’t let things go. One year my “Aunt Sue” got in a fight with my mom over making coffee. She wanted some, but my mom didn’t want to make a whole pot because it wastes it. The coffee was made, but then “Aunt Sue” drank only half a cup!! More arguing and “why are you so worked up about this? It’s just coffee.”

Sorry, I digress.

I am the (un)fortunate type of person that has to find the perfect gift for everyone. I will hunt for days until I find the exact thing I want to get them. Forgetting Aunt Sue is not an option. The other stress is, do you get a gift for everyone? Those cousins you see once a year? Their kids? How do you juggle the gift receivers arriving before the others?

That brings us to the next issue we moms stress about.

There is a time and place for everything.

You scramble to get the meat started on time and realize you don't have a clean pan for your potatoes. You finish boiling the eggs for deviled eggs to see you don’t have enough paprika. With no time to go to the store you think to leave it out or to just go light.

Timing is everything when hosting dinner.

You never have enough when you need it and it never goes fast enough when you have too much. Knowing when to start and stop each thing and how to prep and wrap gifts and hang the stockings with care takes serious skills this mom doesn’t have. Lucky for me, my husband is amazing and helps where I let him.

It’s OK if things don’t go as planned and the turkey is a little dry. You have gravy for that! Extra people at the table just means less food you get stuck with at the end. The first time we hosted thanksgiving for four people (counting us!) it was not pretty. The homemade gravy was thick and salty and the turkey wasn’t done on time. I think I cried, but I don’t remember; I blocked it out.

Moral of the story is you’re gonna stress, but relax.

We stress about the perfect day for our kids, the wrapping of gifts and the food so much a lot of us have lost sight as to what the day is supposed to be.

It’s about family and giving love to one another. It’s about celebrating those around us and remembering those that are no longer. In the end, it doesn’t matter if that sweater was the wrong size or if you ran out of glasses so you drink wine from a solo cup.

What matters is family and love. Giving to those you care about and not expecting anything in return. Helping those in need (if you can) and bringing joy to those around you.

I hope you all have a wonderful holiday and give thanks for what you have and who you get to share it with.

Merry Christmas