The Gut Feeling I Couldn't Ignore

I had a lot of ear infections as a child.

I still remember that awful feeling. A deep throbbing that you can actually hear, and an ear so blocked you almost feel like you’re separated from the rest of the world.

Trapped in your own little bubble of pain.

I was always on antibiotics, sometimes two at a time.

They were the liquid kind, thick and syrupy, and always disguised behind a flavour that sounded delicious, like peach or strawberry. But they never tasted anything like they were supposed to.

I have a memory of standing at the bathroom sink, with a cup full of the disgusting liquid, taking deep breaths to brace myself before swallowing. I then followed it with a huge chaser of water, and took some more deep breaths while the urge to throw it all back up slowly passed.

One night, it was all too much, and I was almost in tears while standing at that bathroom sink. I was taking these foul-tasting medicines three times a day, and they made me feel so sick.

No one was around, so just that one time, I poured it down the sink.

Of course, later down the track, I would blame everything on that moment.

One of my final ear infections occurred on a school day. I’d been at school all day, trapped in my bubble of pain. I was miserable, but I didn’t say anything. I always had ear infections, so what was there to say? Also, they would just take me to the doctor again, and I’d be taking more of that awful medicine.

I’d made it through almost the entire day, but late in the afternoon, I was walking back from the toilet block, and someone saw me. I obviously looked distressed, because they asked me if I was okay, and I just broke down in tears.

They took me to the principal's office, and my mother was called to come and pick me up.

When she arrived, the principal stepped outside for a minute to talk to her privately.

I later found out that he was concerned I was faking it. He said, as he picked up the phone to call her, a tiny smile crept onto my face.

No, I wasn’t faking it. I’d just had an awful day; I felt so alone, and finally, my Mum was coming to get me.

That’s the last ear infection I remember before I had myringotomy surgery for my “fake” problem.

The surgery involves creating a tiny incision in the eardrum and inserting ventilation tubes to help drain fluid from the ear and prevent future ear infections.

For about a year now, I’ve had my suspicions that something is wrong with my son’s ears.

Every time I see him pull at his ear, every time he wakes up with new scabs from scratching his own ears, I start to wonder if he might be having similar problems to mine.

Or am I just being paranoid because of my own experiences?

I've taken him to doctors and been told he has a slight ear infection that will heal on its own. On other occasions, he's been prescribed ear drops, but no one has suggested bringing him back for a recheck.

At times, I’ve felt like my concerns have been dismissed and that I’m just overreacting.

I’m sure he’s probably not in severe pain because I know the pain of an ear infection, and I don’t believe my little boy would be my smiley, happy boy if he were feeling that kind of pain.

But it still felt like something wasn’t right.

I remember the day I left the hospital with my newborn son. My obstetrician gave me the advice never to take any diagnosis from the child health care nurses too seriously, as they tend to be a little bit dramatic with their diagnoses.

When he turned two, he was due for another free check from our child health care nurse, and because of the stigma placed on these nurses, I wasn’t really in any rush to book his appointment.

I finally got around to it the other week.

All it took was for me to say I had a gut feeling that something wasn’t right, and she immediately left the room. She quickly returned with a tympanometer and performed a tympanometry test, which assesses the movement of the eardrums.

And just like that, she was able to confirm that he might be having some hearing issues.

We've since had a series of appointments with an audiologist and an ENT specialist, which confirmed he has fluid in his ears that's affecting his hearing.

Yesterday, as I booked my two-year-old boy in for the same surgery I had as an eight-year-old, I was so grateful to my child health nurse for picking up on something I had seen multiple doctors about.

I'm so relieved I didn't give up on this feeling I had.

I think one of the biggest lessons I've learned since becoming a mum is to trust your gut instinct and be your child's advocate.