The Evolution Of The Slurpee Cup

Do you remember your very first Slurpee? Probably not. But, I do. I recall it like yesterday…

It’s quite remarkable the things you remember growing up. Even if it’s been years — the great memories always stick. You want to keep those alive and sort of treasure them. Especially if you’ve lived abroad for a few years, where they don’t have any Slurpee machines, and so you’ve got to settle for something like a Gelato to curb your cravings — not to say that those aren’t any good; but, let's be honest, a Gelato is not the same as a Slurpee. If you've ever lived abroad, you'll likely know what I'm talking about. It’s like when you get a craving for a cheeseburger. Yes, it's a real thing, trust me. And though most places in Europe have McDonald's now, they still don't have any Slurpee machines...

As I type this I'm sipping on a Slurpee. Don’t pretend you can read a whole article on the topic and then fail to get one yourself. As for me, I didn't even finish writing this article. Just pretend it goes against... community standards… and go get one. Be a rebel.

At any rate, the incident occurred during a stopover — on our way down to the wine valley for a holiday — that's when I first caught sight of those marvellous Slurpee machines. I swear it was my mother who had conjured up the brilliant plan (in order to shut us all up in the back seat), at least for part of the twelve-hour trip through the mountains (we would've needed plenty of bathroom breaks). The Mac's Convenience Store that carried the liquid sugar (which I can still remember stirring wonderfully behind those circular glass handles), had these giant green 7UP cups, with proper plastic straws that were thick like a garden hose and were placed on a rack next to the machines. At some point, I made it a mission to chew through the straw just to see if I could — it must’ve taken me a month or so, with plenty of Slurpee refills in between, before I finally chewed through that sucker — it was like one of those jawbreakers... the candy. I swear they don’t make the damn Slurpee cups like they used to. I tell you the evolution of the cup has gone downhill since I was a kid. It’s like a Shakespearean tragedy. I know, we’re all supposed to be… what’s the word for it again? Oh yeah… 'environmentally conscious'. BUT those darn biodegradable straws that they have now — they’rrre useless! They get wet like cardboard and fall apart in your mouth before you can make a dent in the cup.

Anyway, so there I was, in the store — I probably didn’t even weigh a buck at the time — and I got this giant green 7UP cup in my hand (from the rack next to the Slurpee machines). The darn thing nearly outweighed me when it was topped to the brim with slush. But that made it even more special. I can't say I remember the flavours, apart from 7UP itself; but I made sure I had Pepsi Cola in there at the bottom. I still do that — it's like my go-to flavour, and back then the convenience stores didn’t have too many flavours.

So, I’m sucking this “thing” back, and it’s taking me straight to heaven — you should’ve seen my smile; I probably would've punched myself straight in the face ... Anyway, by the time I got a third of the way through it, I got this thing called a Brain Freeze — and I hadn't even walked out of the damn store yet. I'm serious. Boy did it hurt right above the supraorbital foramen, but I was a happy kid that day! You can bet a nickel I didn’t nag for a bathroom break even though my bladder was soon stretched way beyond its acceptable range … In the back seat, I was a Saint, together with my siblings. They also got the monster 7UP cups. It was like going to Sunday Mass — all of us together in the back seat — that's how well-behaved we were.

Of course, when we did get out of the car to stretch our legs before we even hit the 100-mile marker, I couldn’t walk; I had to go to the bathroom that bad. So I'll never forget what it felt like to have the worst bladder pain of my life, at age 7, either; but I was a champ. I didn’t even whimper…

So, heck, I just thought I'd help you out if you've got kids of your own and you're fresh out of ideas to keep sane ... on one of those long road trips.