The essence of all relationship problems is that we don't understand ourselves and others

There are many different patterns of interpersonal relationships, for example, in mother-child relationships, some mothers are prone to blame their fathers, there is a child, the teacher is prone to make the student this is blame type, makes people very annoying.

If we grow up in a blame-based interpersonal relationship, when we grow up when we have a spouse or child, we inherit the pattern of blame from mom and dad, we start to them, even to your pain, a freshman came to me for counseling, the teacher can you give me counselor to talk to me about transferring dormitory ah? Did I say why ah? He said three of the four people in our dorm are too annoying, how do I hate it? He said, "One person only knows how to study and never talks, so I don't even agree to talk to him.

I said if you want to change dorms, you'll meet three other annoying people, and you know why? Because you do not accept people who are different from you, you do not allow others to be different from you, when others are different from you, they will accuse each other, hoping that the other party can change and become what you expect, each person the path he chooses is different, so a person living in the middle of the accusation, must be no friends, so we have to put the hand of blame, then when you like to be quiet, the other party to talk, you are not? So I do not like myself and am going to see a person who does not like me. Those who do not accept others and accuse others are because they do not accept that look in themselves.

Because of the unbalanced nature of human interaction, there will be two kinds of interpersonal relationships, the first is I demean you, for example, my husband and I, I'm good he's not good, I'm not good when he's good, I'll always pick his fault, you see so that people will earn money right? But I will pick on him for what? To have a balance in my heart, then I said he is not good again, I am not good I will balance with him, will find each other's problems.

The second is to elevate themselves, you will do if I will, I hope and the other party can balance, to interact.

So what is a failed interpersonal relationship?

I am not good and you are not the same, you look down on me, so I do not go out with you, this time it will put themselves lower and others higher, so it is a state of division, it is impossible to interact, the relationship will fail.

How can I balance this relationship between good and bad? The first one is to look at each other's strengths, magnify each other's strengths, and actively expose their weaknesses.

You see I study well, but I can sometimes be lazy, as long as the other party is psychologically balanced, it is easy to interact with you.

The second is to encourage each other, look at each other's merits, and mutual appreciation, the same disease interaction is that I am not good you are not good, I failed you also failed, I am not successful you are not successful, I have no money you also have no money, these two people, because together he has no comparison because you and I the same, it is easy, to be frank;

The third point, is mutual praise, you praise my merits, I praise your merits, you see my strengths, I see your strengths so that you can go more because the same disease will not last long, only temporary friends in distress, very rare, but to go long term rarely have to encourage each other, see each other's strengths.

This is a positive interpersonal relationship, appreciating yourself and others, thinking positively about the relationship, seeing each other's strengths, being happy and rejoicing in your heart, and sharing the benefits you have, we are looking for positive interpersonal relationships, should we first make ourselves better?

How do we make ourselves better? Not what you learn, not how beautiful you look, is to change your inner beliefs, I think I'm pretty good when I think I'm good no matter what, you will attract better classmates, and better friends to interact with you, see the pattern of interpersonal relationships, to actively change themselves, change their mode of interaction to get a wider range of friendships.