The Elsa Dress

To give a little context I’m compiling a series of stories over the past seven years.

One Friday afternoon in April 2013 with only a few hours-notice we began to care for my partners two nephews full-time. No notice, no preparation and no hand-book.

My partner and I are a gay couple, we’d been together four years at the point our lives were turned upside down. By no means did we have a perfect relationship however, we were reliable enough to be trusted with two children and were able to provide them with an environment that was loving, and supportive. We would learn over the years some valuable lessons that I wanted to document, these could also potentially be lessons that other new parents could learn from. These short stories are all true and I hope you find solace in them, I could be biased but they are fulfilling, entertaining stories full of love and heart.

This is one of those stories…

So what do you do when your 13 year old boy would like an Elsa dress?

Our immediate concern was how we would find one in his size. Our concern later on down the line was the trail of glitter it left behind.

We would learn very quickly that we would be faced with these dilemmas regularly, and our decisions would impact the way these boys saw the world. This became our responsibility to shape them as people, they were at a crucial time in their lives, and these years would define them.

Dean was born and raised in a northern working class city, he grew up in a dire time for queer people. He was no stranger, or on that note, victim to homophobic abuse. However Dean is smart, streetwise and can hold himself in a ruckus.

I grew up in a small town in the midlands and from a young age knew that if I wanted to live my life authentically and true then I need to head to London. I moved to the big smoke at the age of eighteen, but after four years of being there, I wanted to experience something new and different. After making the decision I was going to move to Liverpool, I did within one week, not knowing a soul, until the following day when I met Dean.

Despite growing up almost a generation apart, we had similar experiences. Being queer often made us a target for abuse. However we did not want to allow our past experiences to cloud our vision of what the future could hold for the next generation. I’m sure every queer person is looking to live in a world that is free of judgement, we’ve dealt with it our entire lives.

So the Elsa dress was a defining moment in our parenting style, we talked a little about it, but quickly came to the conclusion we would get him what he asked. Who were we to question it…

Both of us were guilty of playing with dolls, and girls clothes, who are we to judge him. So we took to the internet to search for one in his size, we laughed at the fact we didn’t want a cheap looking one, we wanted one of quality.

As I search between sites, I couldn’t help think how I would have been treated if I’d asked for such a thing at his aged, but what’s the point in theorising, I’m not 13 and we are not in the year 2000. So move on, get over it, and make your kids happy.

The more your parents tried to deter you from your urges the more inclined you were to rebel. Am I right.

We did talk briefly to him about his motives for wanting one, and on deeper investigation he was just rather taken with women in fabulous, sparkly dresses… I mean who isn’t.

It’s been many years since we bought him the Elsa dress, he’s wore it a handful of times, and it still hangs amongst his ‘everyday’ clothes…I like it there.

His sexuality, gender or preferences are irrelevant in this situation.

The lesson here is to trust, love, and support your child.