The Day My Heart Stood Still

Most of my memories are fleeting at best. As soon as time starts stretching the distance from that memory, details drift away like the seeds of a dandelion caught in a puff of wind. There are few memories, however, that stick with you forever. This is one of those memories.

I stood in the hallway, anxiety filling me. But it was the good kind of anxiety. The anxiety of excitement. After over 35 years, my life was about to change forever. I stood in that hallway, dressed in scrubs from head to toe. My only company was my thoughts, including my hopes and fears, as I stood there, waiting for the door to open. When it finally did, I paused to take in the site before me. I heard a voice telling me that I could come in now. I walked through the doors...

Up to this point, my fiancée and I had been together for 3 years. We had our ups and downs during that time. It was earlier in that year that we found out that she was pregnant. We were actually working together at a restaurant when we learned the news. It wasn't very busy that evening and after hearing the symptoms that my fiancée, Lexy, was experiencing, my boss "ordered" me to run over to the Walgreens across the street and pick up a pregnancy test.

I did and we waited for the results. When the plus sign appeared on the stick, I was in shock. Only for a moment, however, than emotion overtook me. My whole life I was a bit shy but wanted nothing more than to have a family of my own. Now, that moment was finally here.

That spring and summer, I worked as a cab driver and began the process of attending college in the fall utilizing my G.I. Bill. I knew that I had to make some changes in my life. I told my father about the pregnancy. He worked as security at the hospital that we would be attending for the pregnancy. He was the first of our family and friends to "see" my daughter when he was in with us during the ultrasound. That, by the way, was the second time since learning of the pregnancy, that it hit me that I was going to be a father. Naturally, tears ensued.

Fast forward to the morning of her birth, we rode with him to the hospital and proceeded to Labor and Delivery department. We were set up in the room where Lexy's vitals were taken and she was gowned up and made ready for delivery. The doctor came in and examined her, confirming that she was breach. After an attempt to turn our daughter externally (a painful experience according to the Lexy's reaction), they determined that they would have to proceed with a C-Section. By this time, Lexy's mother was at the hospital and my father was coming in to check on us. The nurses gave me the scrubs, instructed me on how to don them, then showed me to the hallway outside of the OR.

When I finally entered the operating room after my eternal wait in the hallway, I took in the sights. First I saw the equipment throughout the room like out of some science fiction scene. I saw the doctors and nurses and techs decked out in their scrubs (I couldn't really tell who was who). Then I saw Lexy laying on the table, a sheet hanging across her belly. By this time, she was calmly waiting there for me to join her. She had the epi.

My mind was in a fog, yet at the same time, I was conscious of what was going on around me. I was instructed to the stool by Lexy's head. I took a look over the curtain before sitting down and holding Lexy. Time was going by and I could hear the noises from behind the curtain. My anxiety was raising again and I was curious. I began to stand, but Lexy stopped me. At first, I thought it was because I wasn't allowed to, but it turned out that she was afraid that I wouldn't be able to handle the sight and would get sick on her.

Another eternity went by and I couldn't resist anymore. I stood up and looked over the curtain. That is when I saw her... my baby daughter was in the hand of one of the nurses. I watched them clean her up and take her to the scale. I was nervous, I didn't hear any crying. They put her on the scale and got her ready. Relief filled me as I heard little grunts from my daughter.

There was my little girl. That day was the happiest day of my life, there can be no dispute. Since that day in September of 2015, I have watched Savannah grow. She's gotten taller, gotten a bit sassier, and has the sweetest heart. Never had I known a person that could drive me absolutely crazy and melt my heart at nearly the same time. Savannah is my world and my everything, and I am thankful to have her in my life.