The Dark Years

Not everyone is as dynamic of a character as I have been my entire life. I have an obsessive personality type, so I’ll obsess over something for an amount of time, sometimes a short period and sometimes a long period. But whenever I find something new to obsess over, I’m done with the previous thing without even making a conscious decision about it. I’ve obsessed over things like drawing, reading, writing, cars, music, video games, languages, board and card games, tv shows, musical instruments, food, videos, learning, etc.

My family, however, is mostly built of static character types. My mom is basically the same person now as she was ten years ago, or even twenty years ago. My dad is the same way, just different from her, which is why my parents got divorced when I was only a small child.

This caused a lot of problems in my family growing up, and it still has effects on me and my siblings to this day. We’ve all managed to get through it, but there’s some things that it caused that I wish had never happened.

When I was 16 years old, I was kicked out of my mom’s house for owning a phone behind her back. I was grounded so she took my phone, but I worked a job and bought a new one that I hid from everyone. When I moved in with my dad, I was extremely stressed out. So stressed out, depressed, and anxious that I didn’t start my new school for over a month.

When I did finally start school, it was bittersweet. There were a few people that I already knew there, but I didn’t really make friends because I isolated myself from everybody if I had the option because I never really felt at home there because I missed all my friends and my old school.

After about a year and a half, I graduated from the new school and started working full time. I had got a job about six months after moving in with my dad, and by this time, I moved up to a management position (after I turned 18). It took me a long time to feel comfortable working there because I went almost two full years without friends. I almost forgot how to make friends and how it felt to have them.

Shortly after taking the position, my dad lost his job and became extremely stressed out about how to pay the bills just on my step-mom’s check. I started paying a small amount for rent because I still lived there and I didn’t mind helping. But every time I paid my rent, he always said I was short on paying and that I owed him. I didn’t know where that was coming from because I knew I paid him the right amount, so I just shrugged it off and left it alone because I knew he was stressed out and I didn’t want to make it worse. I worked in fast food, so I didn’t have a whole lot of money, and I still wanted to have money for myself too.

One day after coming home from work, I was packing a bag to stay the night at a friend’s house. It was the first time I was going to do something with a friend since I lived with my mom, over two years ago. When I was packing, my dad asked where I was going and why I haven’t paid my rent. I told him that I did pay my rent but I was going to stay the night with a friend. He said I owed him an extremely large amount of money, more than triple what my rent was, and that I wasn’t leaving until I paid him what I “owed.”

I worked in fast food, and even being a manager, there were places starting out higher than what I was making. I didn’t have that kind of money. So I told him that I was leaving and I’d pay him later. That didn’t work, and it triggered an anger in him that I hadn’t seen before. It was scary.

I walked outside with my packed bag and put it in my friend’s car. I headed back in to grab my phone charger and the door was locked. So, I walked around to the other door and walked inside and through the house to my room. My exterior door had a block of wood nailed into the floor so that the door couldn’t be opened. My dad came in there and asked why I was here because I didn’t live here anymore.

I was shocked and then answered “I’m just going to spend the night with a friend. I’ll be back tomorrow.” He said that I’m not allowed back here and I needed to leave. So I starting packing the rest of my stuff and he tried stopping me…physically. By this time, my adrenaline was already pumping nitrous through my veins like it does and we started arguing. I told him I was going to get my things and leave since he didn’t want me there anymore, and he said that I wasn’t allowed to have my things until I paid him the ridiculous amount of money he claimed that I owed (which I didn’t have at the time, even if I wanted to give it to him).

After that, all I remember is him hitting me, so I hit him back, and then fighting him. After we both got to the floor, I got him away from me. I then ran to the door, used just my bare hands to rip the nailed-down wood block out of the floor, and ran outside. My friend then noticed marks on me and called the police.

When they arrived, there was two officers that got out of the car. They settled the “feud” between me and my dad. They said we both had marks on us so they weren’t going to do anything about the fight since no one else saw it, but they said I was able to get my things.

An hour later, I left in my friend’s car with all my things. I was lucky enough to have a coworker at the time that was looking for a roommate. I moved in with her the next day.

After leaving my dad’s and moving in with someone that, although she was really cool, I didn’t know all that long. I felt lost in my life. First, I got kicked out of my mom’s house and went over a year without talking to her because of my teenager anger. My siblings stayed with her and never really talked to me. Then, once I’m finally making progress on being in a new area and making friends, I get thrown to the wolves.

Years later, modern day: things have gotten better. I still live in the same area, although my job takes me other places. My dad has a new job and supports himself, alone now; divorced again. My mom moved about six hours away but I talk to her now. The anger between me and my dad has disappeared. I talk to my siblings more. I have plenty of friends now. I have a direction in my life that I have my focus on, and I don’t feel nearly as lost.

[Feeling lost is normal. Sometimes it only lasts for a moment; other times it doesn’t leave for months or even years. But being lost and figuring things out helps you grow as an individual, so don’t give up. Everyone grows from their past in order to build a better future. It’s like that famous quote “every expert once started as a beginner.” The more you go through, the more you learn, and the further you can go.]