The Biggest Mistakes Parents Make During Summer Break

While my girls were young, I worked during the summers, so they were in daycare. And summers in daycare were full of scheduled activities to keep the kids busy and engaged all day long.

Watching those perfectly scheduled daycare summers made it easy to believe my kids needed nonstop activities at home, too. They didn’t.

But many parents stay home with their kids during the summer and work hard to make it fun and stimulating. But for those of you who do this, you’ve got to remember:

The first mistake you can make is starting the summer with big dreams and plans.

You expect to do all these wonderful things all summer long. But you don’t have to make summer “special” each and every day.

Your kids will get bored. They’ll be hungry at the oddest times. They’ll fight with their siblings over the dumbest things (or over nothing at all). They’ll forget the sunscreen or fight you when you put it on. They’ll get bored and not want to do that activity you spent hours preparing.

At times like these, you’ll feel like a failure. Just remember. You’re not.

You want your kids to have happy memories of summers at home with you because you remember your own summers. Plus, you don’t want them sitting around staring at screens all day.

So, what do you do? You apply pressure to yourself and plan things. Outings, crafts, camps, pools, playdates, vacations, and all sorts of things to make the summer memorable.

In reality, this means that you’re always busy, packing, cleaning, driving and organizing.

Do you know why it backfires? Activities don’t necessarily mean happiness. An exciting trip today gets tiring time after time.

The second mistake is over-scheduling everything.

Kids need ordinary days. Heck, you need ordinary days. If your summer is planned every day, that’s a ‘full-time’ job for you, and you’ve still got to do laundry, clean, cook, and all the other stuff you do. You’re putting too much pressure on yourself trying to make every day of the summer magical.

And for all your planning, you’re going to hear the dreaded, “I’m bored!” You’ve got to remember that ordinary days with nothing planned can be fun too. Let them get bored.

The third mistake is forgetting that boredom isn’t an emergency.

This goes right along with the overscheduling things. When you hear “I’m bored!” you panic.

Don’t.

Remember, boredom lets kids become creative, use their imagination, solve their own problems, and become more independent.

Just watch: your kids will complain that they’re bored for a full twenty minutes and then find or invent a game that they’ll play for two hours straight and be happy.

The fourth mistake is throwing every routine out the window.

Please don’t do that.

Just because summer feels like freedom, doesn’t mean that bedtimes should disappear and all the meals become random. If you do that, everyone gets really cranky, really fast.

What you can do is loosen the schedules some.

Have similar wake-up times.

Have predictable meals.

Have bedtimes that are a little later, but not too late (maybe occasionally really late).

Why? Because kids thrive on structure. If there is no structure, their lives feel unpredictable, unstable, and scary. They feel lost, anxious, and out of control.

If the structure is gone, your kids will have more meltdowns, more trouble calming down, get angry over small things, and be more irritable or tearful. (The older kids won’t let you see the crying, but the irritability and anger will definitely show up.)

The fifth mistake is feeling guilty about screen time.

Whether it’s a tablet, computer monitor, or TV, a screen is a screen and it’s not “enriching.”

Kids don’t need to be enriched every minute of every day. They also don’t need constant entertainment. Sometimes ‘screen time’ is just them enjoying themselves. Having a movie marathon day won’t corrupt them. Even movie afternoons (or twice-a-week movie afternoons) won’t hurt them.

But, you’ve got to remember: you need breaks too. And balancing screen time with other things gives you the break you need to survive parenting during the summer.

Just remember: balance.

The sixth mistake is expecting siblings to enjoy each other every minute.

Depending on the siblings' ages, that might not even be possible, but even if they’re close in age, siblings just don’t always get along.

You’ve heard them all: arguments over board games (someone’s cheating or not playing right), snacks (one kid wants one snack and the other doesn’t), whose turn it is, and the ageless complaint: “They looked at me the ‘wrong’ way.”

Yes, it’s a fantasy we all have, but reality rears its ugly head every day when an argument breaks out.

The seventh mistake is comparing your summer to everyone else’s.

Social media lies.

No one will record their kid whining that they’re bored and then post it. They’re not going to show the wet towels on the floor or the sibling fights.

People only show the best things: beach vacations, matching outfits, and happy smiles.

Just remember: real life is the good and the bad. You’ll have complaints and the whining, but you’ll also have the giggles and smiles.

The eighth mistake is trying to create picture-perfect memories.

There’s no way you’re going to be able to predict what your kid will remember and what they won’t. If you’re thinking that expensive vacations, elaborate crafts, or huge events will stamp a memory forever, you’re forgetting about your own memories.

Sure, you remember some of the big things. But what about the smell of those cookies baking and biting into that hot, warm cookie? Or how about remembering your mother singing as she folded the clothes? Or what about the time you made bracelets out of dandelions? Or running through the sprinkler on a hot day? Were those memories planned?

Your kids will remember making mud pies in the yard, staying up late, watching a movie curled close to you, reading together, or eating popsicles after dinner, dripping everywhere.

You can’t make memories but you can spend quality time with your kid. That’s what will make memories.

The ninth mistake is that you forget that you need fun too.

Didn’t see that coming?

Well, you deserve summer memories too. Memories with your kids, your partner or your friends.

This can take the form of doing things with your kids, working on your hobby, being with friends, or just being quiet or resting. It can also be as simple as finding joy in everyday things.

Happy parents create happy homes.

The tenth and last mistake you’ll make is believing that summer and childhood have to be magical.

Sorry, but childhood isn’t all magical. I get that “they’re only little once”, and “every summer should be magical”, and “we have to make good memories”.

But that’s a lot of pressure on yourself and your kids.

Like I said before, you never know what will turn into one of your kid’s memories when they’re an adult.

Sometimes, I catch a whiff of something that reminds me of summer playing in the woods, or when I bite into a melty chocolate chip cookie fresh out of the oven, I remember my mom and me baking together and eating cookies with a big glass of cold milk.

Plan some things. Make some crafts. Make a tent with the kitchen chairs and take all the cushions off the sofa and put them in the tent. Then get all the pillows and favorite blankets off the beds and cuddle in the tent with the TV or tablet and have a movie marathon with popcorn and snacks. Why not take a nap together in there or let the kids spend the night in there?

Try to keep these things in mind all year long, and your kid will have a good childhood and a good summer.

• Feeling safe.

• Laughing.

• Being bored.

• Connection with you.

• Having ordinary routines.

• Having parents who aren't exhausted.

• Throwing water balloons at mom and dad.

• Laughing at the dinner table.

• Bedtime stories together.

Probably, years from now, your kids won't remember whether every day of the summer was exciting.

They won't remember whether or not you planned enough activities.

They won't remember how many crafts you made or how many places you visited.

Summer is supposed to be about life. Living it.

And life, even when it's ordinary, can turn out to be pretty magical.

If this helped you breathe a little easier about summer, let me know.

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