The Big Image Divide

I've read tons of articles about how mothers need to be careful about how they refer to themselves and their bodies in front of their children, namely their little girls. The logic behind this is pretty solid; little boys and girls that grow up hearing their mothers constantly saying negative things about themselves can potentially develop these tendencies too! I still struggle to be kind to myself, its difficult to learn to be confident when you have never had that before! Still, I find that there's something missing from this argument: Dads. A few days ago my very own husband made a comment about his weight and feeling "fat." The kind of comment he has made about himself many many times before. "Oh stop, you're fine. I love you no matter what, and I think you look great," is my usual reply. This time, on the other hand, hearing him speak about himself, and his body, in such a way sent chills up my spine. If I can't express all of my negative feelings about myself, for fear of my child ending up just as insecure and damaged as I am, then why is it okay to hear our partners express that they feel this way? Obviously, these feelings shouldn't be hidden or dismissed, but I can definitely recognize the importance of being KIND to ourselves! This particular time, I watched my son look up at his dad, watching his daddy look down at himself in disgust. Something I've done a million times over. I saw my son listening to those words, taking them in, and learning from them, and I realized that we need to do better. We ALL need to do better. My husband does such a great job of making me feel beautiful as often as he can, and I've realized I don't really know how to help him feel better. I don't think I compliment him nearly enough, and I don't think I show my appreciation for all of the things he does and sacrifices he makes for me. We all deserve to feel comfortable in our own skin. My hardworking husband, who is exhausted from working long hours so that I can stay home with our toddler, but still comes home to cook dinner and play and take care of us, is not any less deserving of loving words and a reminder of how amazing I think he is and looks, than I am. Why is he the only one bringing home flowers or a surprise chocolate bar just to remind me he loves me? Why do I find myself telling my son how cute and handsome he is a gazillion times throughout the day, but can't really remember the last time I said that to my husband? These men that we picked to be our partners in this new journey that is parenthood deserve to be validated too! They deserve to feel good about themselves when they leave us, and they deserve to be confident enough to be the role models that our sons need and that our daughters learn love from. Trust me, I understand how hard it is to feel less than and unhappy with the person staring back at me from the mirror, and that's exactly why this topic feels so important to me and to my heart. Men don't seem to focus on self-care as much as I've seen women focus on and care about learning to love ourselves. Why not take the time to show them how much they mean to us? If not for their well being, but for our children's. Let's continue to nurture ourselves, and make sure to nourish them too!