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That's Not Neglect

Stop Giving Yourself Nasty Labels

By Brynne NelsonPublished 6 years ago 3 min read
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First, let me tell you how the rest of my day went.

I got up and got my oldest (age three) ready for school. While I was preparing other things, I got a good breakfast into all three of my girls, and they had some playtime because I’d planned well. While Sugar Bean (the three year old) was at school, I took Gummy Bear (age two) and Sunshine (age two months) shopping. Gummy Bear got treats for being good, plus a lot of verbal positive reinforcement. I kept Sunshine calm and content, and got everybody’s Halloween costume supplies more than a month early. I picked up Sugar Bean from school on time, and then all three girls got to play with me AND their grandma. I put them down for naps after a good lunch. When Sugar Bean refused to nap, I let her have quiet time instead of leaving her to cry it out excessively.

After making the hat for Gummy Bear's costume, I brokered peace between my two older girls in that I actually got them to take turns nicely. Sunshine stayed fed and rested. I was calm and gentle with potty accidents. I made dinner and tidied up, all while answering every "why, Mommy?" and "help please!" I got dinner into them. I packed the girls in the car to pick up Daddy, and I didn't even force Sugar Bean to wear pants, since she hates them and no one was going to see her anyway. I played with the girls while Husband and I ate, and was calm when they resisted having scheduled family time. We sang songs together. At no point during the day did I yell at any of my children.

And yet, when we ran out as a family for a quick trip to Goodwill, I forgot to bring a bottle for Sunshine. I had fed her recently, so I didn't realize that it was the time of day when she "tanks up" (eats a ton) before bed time. Inevitably, she started screaming in Goodwill. I didn't even bother to get the jeans I desperately need; we bought what we'd already found and rushed home amidst shrieks.

"I'm sorry," I told Husband. He looked at me.

"For what?" he asked.

"For being a neglectful mother," I almost replied— but then, something stopped me.

That is not neglect, my friends. Neglect isn't children who squeal with joy when you pick them up from school. It's not full bellies and shod feet. More importantly, neglect isn't the occasional mistake that makes life minorly unpleasant for our kids. That's just being human.

This is a mistake I make all the time. I criticize myself into being ashamed, and those two paragraphs of good parenting? I forget all about them.

Why is this so important?

I have a friend who's a shrink, and he has told me about studies where addicts (or, rather people who think they are addicts,) have a much harder time breaking out of their cycles when they use the word "addict." I, for one, am not surprised by this. Words have power.

So, moms and dads, make yourself a promise today. Promise you'll stop overdramatizing your mistakes. Promise you won't label yourself a "bad parent" when you're doing the best that you can. If you love them, and you do everything you know how to show it—even if you forget a bottle or shout or get so frustrated that you can't look at them for an hour or complain to your friends about them--then you're doing your best. And that's all any of us can really ask for.

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About the Creator

Brynne Nelson

I'm a wife, mother, and writer. I have a passion for crafting stories and poems and posts. Please check out my work; I hope you enjoy it! If you do, feel free to leave a tip so that I can keep generating cool content!

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