Ten Quotes From My Caribbean Mom That Might Change Your Life

I don't know if I was particularly close to my mom as a child, but somewhere in between my late teens and early twenties, she became one of my best friends. When I lived stateside, we'd sit with a bottle of wine and talk about any and everything. Our bond has only gotten stronger as I've become a mother despite the fact that I live in the Caribbean and she still lives in New York. It's almost ironic that both me and my sister have chosen to live/ raise families in our cultural home of Trinidad and Tobago—the place my mom fled in hopes of forging a better future for us in America.

Now, I realize how difficult raising three children in a foreign country must have been for her. At my current age (36), she had a 17 year-old boy and 11 year-old twin girls. I'm pulling my hair out with one rambunctious six year-old girl—I cannot imagine the stress we put my mother under. However, she was always there with a wise word or two even if they made absolutely no sense to us at the time. Perhaps, like most moms, the beauty of her words is that they have stood the test of time and seen us through many challenges. If it's true that your parents' voices are your conscience, then these quotes from my mom make up a large percentage of what has guided me throughout my adulthood...

1) “Drunk or sober, mind your business!”

I don’t actually know any Caribbean moms, Trini or otherwise that do not say this.

Meaning: Avoid distractions. Don’t get caught up in other people’s drama. Focus on yourself!

Scenario(appropriate use): Your good friend calls you up and asks you to go out but you’ve got a huge presentation at work the next day:

You: “aye aye, what’s up?”

Her: “we limin’ (hanging out) at Jamie’s house tonight.”

You: “not tonight, I’m preparing for this presentation at work.”

Her: “I hear ya. Drunk or Sober, mind yuh business!”

You: I have to!

2) “If you find a jackass, ride it!”

This little ditty was a favorite of my dearly departed granny.

Meaning: Take advantage of any and every opportunity that comes your way.

Scenario(appropriate use): Two people are dating. One is obviously more into the other and bends over backward to accommodate them. Despite, verbal and written warnings or cues that the feeling is unrequited.

“If you find a jackass, ride it!”

3) “Don’t let your mouth write checks, that your ass can’t cash.”

This one is more universal. Like colonialism and imperialism, it sailed the seven seas. Every Black mother everywhere has said this at least once.

Meaning: stop talking slick, being rude — or confrontational — if you are not prepared to deal with the consequences.

Scenario(appropriate use): A child is in a public space with a parent. The child wanders off, parent calls out and child answers, “WHAT?!” If the parent has the patience of Job or doesn’t want to make a scene, they whisper: “Don’t let your mouth write checks that your ass can’t cash”

-OR-

Equally as effective in a bar fight with a slick-talking stranger that you think you can physically take down.

4) ”Are you an ass or special police?”

I’m almost entirely convinced this is an original quote of my mother…because who else would say this with a straight face?! Warning: I accept no liability if you say this and get beat down in public.

Meaning: I’m not entirely sure, it can be situational. My best estimation “are you dumb?”

Scenario(appropriate use): A person hits your parked car, your first question at the scene: “Are you an ass or special police?!”

You are clearly standing in line at the grocery store, a person comes out of nowhere and positions themselves in front of you. You tap them on the shoulder: “Are you an ass or special police?!”

5) ”You look like who lost, I found, where shall I shit next!”

Not for the faint of heart. Say this only to people that absolutely love you and can take criticism easily.

Meaning: Go change, you look like crap. Take a rest, you look like crap. What the hell happened to you?! you look like crap.

Scenario(appropriate use): A child wanders downstairs looking unwashed and unkempt but prepared to leave the house.

Parent: “You look like who lost, I found, where shall I shit next…back upstairs!”

A friend turns up at your place half -drunk and disheveled: “You look like who lost, I found, where shall I shit next…”

6) “I’m not too tired, I’m six tired.”

A mantra for me as I get older and well, you know, live this life thing…especially as a parent.

Meaning: I’m exhausted.

Scenario(appropriate use): You’ve just come in from work and anyone asks you anything in the first ten minutes: “I’m not too tired, I’m six tired”

Note: the number can change based on how tired you actually are for emphasis…it’s a personal preference.

7) “Monkey know which tree to climb.”

The Jamaican version of this is “Duppy know who fi frighten.” I think most Caribbean people have some semblance of this quote in their lexicon.

Meaning: They/He/She/whoever would never try that foolishness with me[you]. Usually used after hearing about or witnessing someone committing a disrespectful act against another person.

Scenario(appropriate use): Your boss stands up in the middle of the office and berates a colleague in front of the entire staff.

You: “Monkey know which tree to climb!”

8) “Who don’t hear does feel.”

Although some of us that survived Caribbean upbringings see this as a warning of pending licks (spanking) if you didn’t start listening — which was once its popular use—it is also useful in other contexts.

Meaning: If you don’t hear or listen to me now, you’ll feel the consequences of ignoring me later.

Scenario(appropriate use): You are dating someone and all of your family and friends warn you that they are sketchy but you ignore them. You wind up getting your identity stolen by said person.

“Who don’t hear does feel!”

You are sniffling and decide to go skinny dipping. A good friend says that’s not a good move. You do it anyway and wind up sick! General consensus: “Who don’t hear does feel!”

9) “Marriage is not good to eat with food.”

One of my personal faves that I trot out every single time I’m asked why I’m not married.

Meaning: Marriage is not the holy grail or everyone’s brass ring. It’s not a fairytale that should be stepped into lightly.

Scenario(appropriate use):

Random person: why won’t you get married?

Me: “Marriage is not good to eat with food”

Them: 😯

Me: *walks away*

10) “Let’s have a conversation, why are you talking?!”

I struggled with this one as a child, but as a parent, it is totally useful when your child is acting up! Also, pretty sure parents of all cultures have used this one.

Meaning: when I say “conversation” I mean I talk and you listen. What do you not understand about this concept?! That and every other question I ask is rhetorical unless followed by “answer me!” And even in that instance, this is a lose-lose situation for you. Just say nothing because whatever you do, will be used to further demonstrate my need to utterly frustrate you the way your behavior up until this point has frustrated me.

Scenario(appropriate use): Your toddler has written on the walls for the third time in one day. The first two times you explained why that should not be done. You gave alternative surfaces for them to write on, but they persist.

You: “ Listen, let’s have a conversation."

Them: “Mommy/daddy”

You: Why are you talking?!

Them: *as it sinks in that shit just got real* “umm” 👀

It's not lost on me that my mom is hilarious— without even trying— and that with her voice as my conscience, many of my life experiences are colored by laughter and that is the best way to live!