Survival talk

Perhaps you are wondering what talk I am referring to? What talk? Is it the sex talk perhaps in which we educate our children? Or is it the talk in which people of color give to their children on a daily basis? The talk is a discussion in which African American parents ( and other people of color) sit down with their children and explain to them how to survive. My parents told me ( a young black female) when going into a store don’t touch because people might think you are stealing. I was also told to be polite to police officers and never mouth off. There were other things as well that were taught but some I learned without my parents guidance. I learned from watching their ( rare) interactions with police.

I remember an incident when I was a teenager. I was in the car with my dad, and two of my cousins as he was driving home from getting dinner for everybody. A police car pulled in behind us, lights flashing so my dad pulled over. I sat up and whispered “ daddy, why are we being stopped?” My dad looked over at our cousin and then back at us kids ( me and my cousin's daughter) before shaking his head telling both of us to be quiet. I looked over at my cousin A and she just said the same thing for us to be quiet. I sat scared and wondered why my daddy had been pulled over but said nothing. All four of us ( three females and one male) sat quietly waiting for the cop to walk up to the driver’s side window. Flashlight beam wandered up the car from the back to the front as he walked before stopping and shining the beam inside the car over our faces.

When the light lingered last on my face ( the lightest of the four of us) and then flicked back to my dad before shining over our BMW with a look of distrust. “License and registration please” he said then snatched it from my daddy who already knew what was coming I suspect. Walking away back to his car with them as I leaned forward again to ask but my cousin just squeezed my hand and said ssh. A few minutes later again shining the flashlight over our BMW before flicking it over each of our faces before finally handing my dad his documents back with a terse “here” My dad then asked this so-called good cop to explain to his child( me) why we had been pulled over. The cop’s response “you looked like the suspect” before saying we were free to go and walked back to his car. My dad waited till that cop was gone before starting the car to drive home. That night my dad hugged me tight and said he wished that he could have stopped my fear.

Fast forward 28 years

Time has flown and now I find myself having to give each of my children that talk but in reverse. I found that when I married and became the parent of biracial children that they and myself would be looked at with a double standard. When my children were babies I was often asked if I was the nanny because I couldn't possibly be the parent. As they are growing up I have to explain to them that when they go out into the world people would look at them differently because they have the appearance of “white privilege.”

My oldest once told me that she had a teacher that didn’t believe she was biracial because of her white appearance. The middle child often asks why I tell her that she and her siblings would have it easier than her cousins on my side. My son, who is the youngest, he loves His *grapa and his *yaya who are brown and his other *yaya phyllis who is white. He knows that some of his family is brown and that others are white but he says that he is purple. As a black mom I fear for my interracial children and have had to prepare them for the responsibilities that can come with so called white privilege that others might try to pin on them. I teach them to make sure that they are respectful to all despite race and that skin color is not important in the scheme of things. What is more important is how they treat others and making sure that they speak up for those that are without a voice.

My children are descended from a black mother…….

So yes Black Lives Matter

My children are children of “God” as is most of the human race …..

So All Lives Matter

If you are someone that thinks this should be debated and fought saying those two should not be stated in the same sentence……

Quit being a Karen or a Chad