Suicide

Death is painful, period. But suicide, it's different. Suicide leaves individuals with this void, this emptiness. With death, whatever the cause, it hurts; but for many, they have answers, maybe even a little more time with that certain someone. With suicide you literally wake up one day, everything's good, then the next your world was ripped out from under you. You don't know which way is up, down, left, or right. The amount of questions running through your head is enough to make a person snap. Why? How? Was there a note? When? Were they alone? Did they suffer? How is so and so? Could I have done more? Did I do enough? Why didn't they reach out? Did I miss something? A sign? The list is endless. To continue to function, you rely on medications: one, two, maybe even three different kinds including sleeping meds. Months/years later, you'll find yourself still asking questions, some the same some new. Suicide in my personal opinion and personal experience is a very different kind of death. It doesn't take that person's pain away, it's takes that person away and gives their pain to many others. August 25 used to be just another ordinary day, that is until four years ago. Four years ago my life changed. Four years ago my then 17-year-old niece committed suicide. August 25, 2013 is just as vivid in my mind as if it were yesterday. Still to this day I can hear my scream when my sister phoned us with the news. My fiancé grabbed me and my phone before we both hit the floor. You learn to mask the pain, hide it, function because you knew you had to. The anger, that's what had me; still to this day I'm pissed. I was only depressed oddly for a short period; thus I swore was because I was at peace with her passing. I carried no guilt, no regrets. She and I were close. Sisterly close. She confided in me, trusted me as I did her. When she died, I knew she was finally at peace. She wasn't hurt, angry, disappointed, bullied, pressured, hated, mislead, forced, these are a few of her feelings before she died. My anger towards her is still to this day my biggest battle. Because we had such a special bond. Because we told each other everything good or bad. Because we never judged and always loved. Because she knew I would have done any and everything to stop her and that's why she never reached out to me; she didn't want me to stop her. Because facing these harsh realities has nearly killed me. Because I'm pissed she felt taking her life was a better option than asking for help. Because on August 25, 2013 she died. A piece of myself died, as did piece of every single person in our family. Our family is not, nor will ever be, the same. I'm sure they'd all agree. Suicide IS NOT THE ANSWER. This is for anyone who thinks taking their life is the only option. Or taking their life will make everyone "happier." This is the side suicide doesn't see. This is the aftermath of suicide, the effect it has on its victims family and friends. Suicide is 100% preventable. Speak out, ask for help. Educate your minds, know the signs, know what to look for. Speak to your loved ones, ask questions, and never assume; looks are very deceiving. #suicideispreventable