STEPMOM

I remember it like it was yesterday, my mother telling me "Do not marry a man with a whole bunch of kids". I knew what she was trying to say, I had watched her over the years having to deal with so much. My Dad had 10 kids that called my Mom their Stepmother. It seemed like every month we had a new edition to the household. They would come and go like there was a revolving door and with opened arms she would accept them, she loved them all.

I remember the phone calls in the middle of the night, the Mothers asking for the most ridiculous things, and knowing that they were being real disrespectful, but they did not care.....things like "He needs to see a dentist", "He needs some tennis shoes", "Did he leave his toothbrush at your house", "He left his coat at your house and he needs it" I mean crazy shit, and my mom would just take it and smile.

I can still remember my mom packing food for a family picnic, making all those peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, and slicing them in half so there would be enough to go around. Sure my Dad would take us down by the lake and fish with us, he would even get down on his knees and shoot marbles with us, but everything else was on mom. Cooking, Cleaning, Bathing, Ironing, Shopping, Dressing, even hair styling she was a SUPERWOMAN.

As I got older I dated men with no kids or one kid, what I am saying is I did have a choice, but before I knew it the King of the jungle had captured my heart, and in his pride he had five. My mother’s words echoed, day in a day out the idea that I was headed toward the same position my Mom held many, many years ago constantly ran through my mind. Was I ready? I was not sure, but I knew that with this person is where I wanted to be, so headfirst I dived in.

I thought, it could not be that bad, they lived over 50 miles away, it would be fine every other weekend, maybe a few holidays even some summers. Well that is not how it went, after we decided to move in together two of them decided they wanted to live with Dad, what could I say it was a package deal, oh and if I did not mention I had two in my package also. So overnight I became Mom to four without even thinking about it, without ever really meeting their biological mom. We had talked on the phone a few times, and those few times let me know she was not real fond of me. I felt that she sent the two to my house just to ruin my relationship, I could be wrong but that is how I felt.

As I said I just dived in, I gave his kids everything I gave my kids, took them wherever they needed to go, Doctor appointments I did that, Parent Conferences, I did that, School shopping I had it all covered only to have the youngest one tell me “I really wish you would disappear” WHAT? He said, “I really like you, but I want my parents to get back together, and with you in the way that will never happen”. I was speechless, I mean what was I supposed to say? Remember I said I gave them everything I gave my kids, and I gave my kids a lot, to be told to disappear by someone you are trying so hard to love, I was heartbroken.

I found myself in tears but I took it in stride and continued to try to be the best mom I could be, even the ones that did not live with us, my house was still their home. As time went on one issue after another began to show up and their mom began to play the kids against us, every time they went to visit her the Tasmania Devils would return. When something would not go their way they wanted to move back with their mom, and no matter how I felt about this back and forth movement I was just a stepmom and had no real power, and their mom showed me over and over again who was in charge and how much power she had over the man that I loved.

I do not blame him for giving her that power, he was new to this situation also. He loved his kids and wanted everyone to just get along. He always found himself in the middle of every disagreement and feeling no matter which way he went someone was going to feel betrayed. I found myself giving in more often then I should have, but keeping everyone happy was MY job, right?

Eventually one more would join our domain, this one would become my favorite he looked just like my husband, Oh sorry I skipped that, we did get married while all this Hell was going on, but back to my favorite, this one was very special to me we were really inseparable, we did everything together, we talked about everything, we had no secrets. I loved him and I was sure he loved me, I had finally reached one and I was finally a proud stepmom.

One by one all of my stepchildren would spend some time incarcerated and as they came home I would always be the one to go get them, and as I got out the car to welcome them home, to my surprise each one of them had their Mom’s name tattooed on their neck, not just one of them, all of them one more dagger in my heart, even my favorite, again what was I to say she was their Mom, I was just the person who took care of them damn near all of their lives.

I do not remember one Birthday card, one Christmas gift, one Mother’s Day card not from any of them that I raised. The one that never lived with us I really barely knew; I might had seen him once or twice, he had got into some real trouble and caught a life sentence at an incredibly young age, and he had fathered a set a of twins that I would later raise from three years old to 20 years old. He did send me thank you cards for raising his daughters, and a Mother’s day card or two which I did truly appreciate.

I have always said being a Stepmom has to be most thankless job in the universe, this is how my story ends:

1. The twins are gone they do not call, they run around telling the most vicious lies you can imagine.

2. The twins father does not call anymore I guess because the twins do not live here anymore.

3. My favorite does not call me anymore because he too fathered a set of twins that I adore and I get along with their mother and he does not like that at all.

4. The oldest son I do believe we have turned the corner and are closer than ever, I sure remember the days when he really could careless if I stayed or If I left.

5. The youngest one we are cool he has a son that loves his grandma and I love him too.

I know I said five, he has a daughter whose mother continued to love him, and really did not wanted me around her daughter, she would let her come sporadically when she was little but she could not stay long, and never could she spend the night. She told her daughter all kinds a lies and the daughter does not want anything to do with either of us....sad huh?

My stepchildren, at least four of them I believe love me in their own way, but me coming into their father’s life was not what any of them wanted. Over the years their mom and I dealt with each other as kind as we could but she has never accepted me even today I still hear ratchet things that she says about me but it’s cool, it does not bother anymore. None of them can hurt me today…..Oh me and him we survived, 30 years November 22, 2020 and I guess I have earned the right to be called mom, because they all refer to me as such, took a minute but yes we have arrived.

Some time I catch myself going down memory lane, back to the moment my Mom said do not marry a man with whole bunch of children and I wonder, why girls never listen to their Mom. I have a grown daughter now, and I fight myself all the time when it comes to giving her advice because I know I am just wasting my words, she is not listening and why should she, I DIDN’T.