step parent to be

There are many things you need to consider when it comes to choosing whether you are right to date someone with a child.

Being a parent is a full time job and whether that child is yours or not, when you step into that picture you are the step parent to the child even if you are not married, you picture a future with this person but it is not just them you have to picture.

i have my own 3 year old child and i started dating my partner a year ago while he was fighting to see his son, who is now 18 months old. Because his son was not really in the picture when we met it didn't really occur to me how big of a role i was taking on.

A year on and my partner and i have his son multiple times a week and it has on more than one occasion put a strain on our relationship as we adjusted, his child is now nearly 2 years old and only now am i starting to realise that not only have i taken him and his son into my life but also his ex girlfriend.

I sometimes have to handle drop offs and picks ups, sometimes we all go on family visits places and it makes our relationship hard because we are seperate families, he will go watch his child with of course the child's mum, while i would fall behind with my child and even though they are long over there is always that doubt that i cant compete.

One thing that i can 100% agree to is that if you are anything like me, chronic over thinker, insecure and always scared there are better than me it will be hard to date a parent, i always compare myself to his child's mum and wonder if after time will he go back, have his family back with her instead and even though you do get over the fear it never really leaves.

Being with a parent is the hardest and most challenging thing you could do, you are now a second parent to your partners child, you cant be biased, you can't take sides between biological and non biological children and that is he hardest thing to get used to.

My partner and i hit a learning curve when it came to our children, he would tell my child off for things his child would get away with and it put a wedge between us for a while, but don't worry no one learns right away but you are always more inclined to let your own child get away with murder.

For example one day my child took his child's toy while they were playing and my partner told her off, but when his child would take something from my daughter she would be told to let his child have the toy, its a very fine line and sometimes he doesn't even notice hes treating the children differently. It takes him time to realise that its unfair on both children, his child would learn taking things is okay and that everything is allowed whereas my child is being taught to give people whatever they want.

Here are some questions to ask yourself before dating a parent.

1- Do they have room for a partner?

A parent will always put their children first but there are going to be times when they will have to put you first, Are they ready to do that?

2- What responsibilities does your partner want you to have in their child's life?

Problems are more likely going to arise if you both have different views on the role you are to play in that child's life. In other words be clear what they expect.

3- What are both of your expectations on the amount of time you will spend together?

A single parent more than half of the time will have shared custody of their child so limits need to be set on when you both expect to see each other.

4- How do you handle jealousy?

As i mentioned earlier in my post jealousy is one of the hardest parts of dating a single parent, there will be times when it will just be your partner their ex and the child without you and that has to be something you need to learn to be okay with, whether its family meals, the child's birthday or even a family day out.

5- If your partner only has their child a few days a week, could you handle it if it turned into full time?

This question only recently crossed my mind after a recent issue with my partners ex, i never thought of taking on his child full time until it became a possibility, i know it would be hard for us both and a big change but in this case the children are priority.