Spousal Pearls

Have you ever heard the phrase "the world is your oyster"? Often used to describe the numerous opportunities that are available to us in life this phrase came to mean something different to me several years ago when I was on vacation in French Polynesia. Like many tourists I went to a couple pearl farms, the Robert WAN Pearl Museum in Papeete, and several shops as part of my trip. In French Polynesia pearls are produced by the Pinctada margaritifera oyster or the "black-lip pearl oyster". Originally pearls were harvested from the wild and were produced naturally as a result of an irritant getting stuck in the oyster. This irritant causes harm to the oyster which protects itself by excreting nacre on it to soften the sharp edges. The result is a shiny, smooth bead which can be used for many purposes including decoration or jewelry. Highly valuable due their beauty and rarity natural pearls were prized by many for centuries. Today's pearls are cultivated using perfectly round nucleuses (aka seeds) inserted into the oyster. The nucleuses give the oyster a head start as they determine the minimum size of the pearl produced and influences its final shape.

After 12 to 24 months the oysters are harvested and the value of their pearls is determined. As with all precious things, the value of a pearl is determined by a classification system that has been set up based on certain industry standards. Four of the characteristics used to determine a pearl's value (size, shape, surface, and lustre) have a measurable scale while the 5th - colour - is more about personal preference and is thus more subjective.

Valuation Scale1

1. Size: At the first pearl farm I went to the guide explained the basics of pearl culture including how the oysters are seeded, how long they are allowed to grow before harvested, and the process of getting the most colourful pearls. At harvest the oysters are collected from their growing beds and the pearl is examined to determine its quality. The oysters which produce the best quality pearls may then be reseeded with a larger nucleus and allowed to produce another pearl. This process is repeated up to three times allowing the oyster to produce a pearl up to four times throughout its life. Each successive pearl is larger and rarer than the one before because of the culling that has occurred with each previous harvest and the natural lifespan of the oysters.

2. Shape: The rarest and most valuable pearls produced are perfectly round. Other shapes such as tear drop, button, and near round can also be useful and valuable under certain circumstances. Using a perfectly round nucleus increases the odds that a round pearl will be produced but does not guarantee it since the oyster does not always put an even layer of nacre on the nucleus. This is why if you rub a pearl against your teeth it will feel rough. (Don't ever mention that to a pearl dealer though. I did and he wasn't happy with me saying he considered it crass.)

3. Surface: "Special surface features are considered to be any flaws in the nacre such as pits, bumps, scratches, deposits, ridges and cracks."2 These imperfections are visible to the naked eye and decrease the pearl's value. They can also affect the luster of the pearl as they will decrease the smoothness of the surface.

4. Lustre: Lustre is the ability of the pearl to reflect light. The highest quality pearls are almost like mini mirrors reflecting their surroundings clearly. As the lustre decreases the pearl becomes more cloudy and the details are fuzzy. Not surprisingly as shine decreases the value of the pearl also goes down.

Applications in Life

I was single when I learned these things and it occurred to me that I and everyone around me is a pearl in the making. "The world is our oyster" and like the nucleus used by pearl farmers we are all inserted into it when we are born. If we are trying to follow a moral code, and especially if that moral code is outlined by a religion and not "popular", we irritate the world and it covers us in "nacre" such as labels or stigmas to decrease that irritation and decrease the probability that people will listen to us.

The greatest relationship I have sought in my life was to find a spouse that would be my spiritual equal or match. Like a pair of pearl earrings I wanted my future husband and I to be beautiful together and help to make the world a better place. While I did want to be attracted to him his physical appearance was not as important to me because external beauty will fade over time whereas a strong character only gets better with age. As I've pondered on this concept I've discovered that when looking for a spouse we can use a similar classification system to find our match.

1. Size: This is the hardest one to measure because the world is a big place and "oysters" can be deceptively roomy. How big is our character? How can you really measure someone's loyalty, courage, faith, honesty, or ability to love? Some of these traits will only show up under difficult circumstances and that is when we will get to see the real man or woman that we have fallen in love with. They will also get to know us as we work together and watch each other. Even the best actors will occasionally break character so close observation is recommended.

For those of us that believe in a life after death the real moment when the size of the "pearl earrings" we are forming in our lives and our marriages will not be completely revealed until after the final judgement. That's when we will see how big we've really become and will see how well we match each other. I believe that we will be pleasantly surprised because we do not fully see those around us the way God can see them.

2. Shape: All of us start off with the potential of becoming a perfectly round pearl but sometimes we grow thicker in some areas than others giving us a less than perfect shape. So? You're looking for your match right? You will have all of eternity to become perfectly round. In the meantime, consider the following questions when looking for your match. Do they have the same values as you? Do they have similar goals and dreams? Are they willing to help you with your goals and dreams? Do you have complimentary talents and skills that can help you work together as a team? Do you enjoy spending time together and learning new things? Can you have intelligent conversations?

3. Surface: How free are you/they from guilt and shame? Are there any habits or attitudes that either of you have that will harm your current and/or future relationship? If so, these things can be overcome through the atonement of Jesus Christ but only if you both want them to. He can fill in the cracks and dips increasing our beauty and our ability to shine.

4. Lustre: Who and what do they and you reflect? How well do you each reflect that? When you look at each other is it clear how good of a person you are and what you believe or does it feel like there is a mask in place? Can you see yourself as you truly are or does it feel like they want you to play the role that they have decided you should play? Can you see the light and beauty around you or does your present and future look cloudy or dark?

For those of you who are still single - keep growing your pearl through good actions and wait to find the person who has also been increasing the beauty of theirs. When you do it will be worth it. In the mean time make lots of great friendships that you can carry with you once you do find your spouse.

For those of you who are married - peak inside the oyster every now and then and see what has already been created. Help your spouse to see their potential and work together on making the biggest, most valuable pair of pearl earrings that the world has ever seen.

Take care and have a beautiful life

References:

Pearl Photo: https://www.bing.com/images/search?q=pearls&view=detailv2&&id=531C8F6F2608E00F2F8060F6381ABDD45B2F5C52&selectedIndex=0&ccid=WH%2blXG5q&simid=608005965450642949&thid=OIP.M587fa55c6e6a07fa36c9cb91ad0188d1H0&ajaxhist=0

1. http://marcharit.com/en/home-2/

2. http://www.sustainablepearls.org/