Single Mother Guilt

One thing that I always imagine for myself was a greater life for my child than I had ever been afforded. I wanted my little one to have all the things I never had, experience all the things I never did, and never be fearful to tell me a single thing. I've always had this perfect vision of me along side the man of my dreams raising beautiful children in an emotionally healthy home. My dreams were shattered and it left me feeling like I had truly failed.

At the age of 24 I had a daughter. I'd spent only months getting to know her father, falling so deeply in love with him, and then being turned on faster than I could have ever imagined. My daughter wasn't planned, though she is literally the greatest surprise I've gotten in my entire life. She means more to me than I ever thought a person could. Losing the family that I fought so hard to build her was the worst feeling I think I've felt.

It was ultimately my choice to leave but my hands were tied. My daughter was not about to grow up in a toxic abusive environment just so I could say she had two parents in the same household. When I left I knew exactly what I had to do but it in no way was easy. I often think that if I would have never gotten pregnant I may have never left and would have been in an even greater world of danger. My daughter truly saved me. Yet, this feeling of intense guilt still lingered in my chest.

I would sit thinking about the things I had always wanted for my children. I'd think about how my first child would have none of that. My entire pregnancy I worried if I was good enough. I'd worried if I was honestly even enough for this little girl. She deserved two parents. She deserved daddy daughter days. She deserved to come home to both of her parents showering her with so much love. For a very long time this guilt consumed me. I had been the reason she would never have these opportunities. For a long time it hurt me to think that I had taken something from my child.

As time went on I finally started to see things for what they truly were. Yes, I made a mistake by falling in love with an abusive addict. While I ignored tons of red flags there were so many green ones dancing between the two of us. The lies her told me made it hard for me to believe that one day he would turn out to be the monster that he is to this day.

I had made many mistakes in my life. I've overlooked so many things. Honestly though if I hadn't fell madly in love with the devil I would have never had my daughter. She is the best thing to ever happen out of one of the most heartbreaking situations I have ever had to live through. I've learned to give myself credit for the things I have done right. I protected my daughter. I grind every day to be able to provide for her in the now and plan for a bright future for the both of us. I'm a damn good mother and so are all of the millions of single mothers out there.

It can be hard not to feel guilty about breaking up what you thought would be the beginning to the rest of a beautiful life. It's okay to hold onto that guilt for a little while but just no that at some point you absolutely need to let it go. At the end of the day being as single mother is very hard. Especially when you are doing it all by yourself. Just know that you are rocking this shit to the best of your ability. Day in and day out you protect, nurture, provide for, and love your little ones. You. You and only you. You are a superhero.

Let that guilt wash off of you like a cleansing rain. You may not have gotten the white picket fence. You may not have had all of the things you so desperately wanted. The truth is life isn't perfect but you are perfect for your babies. You have walked through a storm you never asked for, nor did you deserve. You are incredible. You are amazing.

In place of all that guilt you feel, feel proud. You are doing the hardest job around. You are raising a kind, loving, and caring little bundle of joy that will one day do great things in this world because their mama showed the how. Don't ever feel ashamed of things you feel you failed because life happens. These men that don't care for their children are the real failures. You are doing a kick-ass job and don't you ever let me catch you forgetting it.