Sibling rivalry psychology and positive parenting

From the time your kids are born, they are vying for your attention. It’s an instinctual desire to be the center of mom and dad’s world. And while a little healthy competition between siblings can be motivating, ongoing rivalry can create Stress with a capital S in your home. If you find yourself caught in the middle of brother-versus-brother or sister-versus-sister almost daily, it may be time to seek out some sibling rivalry psychology and positive parenting solutions.

Sibling rivalry psychology

As the parent of two or more children, you’re likely to have experienced firsthand the effects of sibling rivalry. This intense competition between siblings can cause a lot of stress for both parents and children. But what causes this rivalry, and what can you do to mitigate its effects?

Research has shown that sibling rivalry is a very normal part of family life. It’s thought to arise from the natural human instinct to compete for resources. When children are growing up, they’re vying for attention, love, and approval from their parents. This can manifest as physical aggression, verbal arguments, or simply a feeling of being left out.

While some amount of sibling rivalry is to be expected, there are things you can do as a parent to lessen its impact. One important thing is to avoid showing favoritism towards one child over another. It’s also crucial to provide ample opportunities for one-on-one time with each child. This helps them feel special and valued, and less likely to direct their frustrations toward their siblings.

If your children are struggling with excessive rivalry, it may be helpful to seek out professional help. A therapist can assist in teaching positive communication and conflict-resolution skills.

Causes of sibling rivalry

Sibling rivalry is normal in every family. It can be caused by various factors, such as jealousy, competition, or simply having different personalities.

One of the main causes of sibling rivalry is jealousy. When one child perceives that another child has something they want, it can lead to envy and resentment. This can then result in the children fighting or competing with each other to get what they want.

Competition is another common cause of sibling rivalry. Children are often compared to each other by their parents or guardians. This can lead to the children feeling like they have to compete with each other to be seen as the “better” children.

Different personalities can also be a cause of sibling rivalry. If one child is more outgoing and extroverted, while the other is introverted and shy, this can lead to conflict. The introverted child may feel like they are always being left out or ignored, while the extroverted child may feel like they have to constantly be the center of attention.

Parenting style can also play a role in causing sibling rivalry. If parents are constantly comparing their children or showing favoritism, this can create tension.

When it comes to sibling rivalry, it’s important to remember that competition is natural and can be positive. However, when rivalry escalates to the point of hurt feelings and arguments, it’s time to intervene.

Tips for handling sibling rivalry in a positive way

Encourage healthy competition. Cheer on your kids when they’re trying their best and praise their accomplishments. This will teach them how to handle both winning and losing gracefully.

Avoid comparing your children to each other. Each child is unique and should be valued as an individual.

Set clear rules and expectations for behavior. If arguing and name-calling are not allowed, be consistent in enforcing this rule.

Help your kids find common ground. If they’re constantly fighting, look for activities that they can enjoy together. This can help them bond and learn to cooperate.

Sibling rivalry is a normal part of family life, but it doesn’t have to be negative. By using these positive parenting solutions, you can help your kids learn to compete healthily and build strong relationships with each other.

What causes sibling rivalry in adulthood?

Parental favoritism is one of the main reasons for rivalry in adulthood. It is common in every normal family to have favorites among kids. It is not wrong but it should not go beyond the limit. Research shows that there are negative effects created among kids due to favoritism. It affects mental wellness by creating low self-esteem for less favorite kids and increasing pressure for high favorite kids.

This adulthood rivalry can bring a break in your relationship with your sibling for so many years even when you forgot the reason. Communication is the only way to sort out all these kinds of problems. Speak to your sibling, and accept that your sibling is also growing along with you, and their needs also change over time.

Conclusion

Parents play a major role in sibling rivalry. It starts with jealousy, competition, and favoritism. Parents have to be careful when they speak with their kids. Every kid should understand that their parents are good to them. Most parents unknowingly neglect the firstborn when they need to care for the newborn, and there arises a spark. Time changes everything, but siblings should love more when they grow up and understand more to maintain this relationship longer.

Sibling rivalry was present in religion too, we could read about it in Cain and Abel’s story, Joseph’s brother’s story of selling him as a slave, Jacob, and Esau’s story, the prodigal son’s story, and the same in the Quran too. We could read about rivalries in history too, like Cleopatra murdering her three siblings for the throne, most of it for money and fame.

No need to think too much, sibling rivalry is good sometimes to understand each others’ needs but it should go beyond. Money, fame, or any other third person should not be a reason to break a blood relationship created by God. Sibling rivalry has positives like building emotional intelligence, boosting social skills, and problem-solving through communication and understanding. Parents should open up their mind to understand the sibling rivalry psychology to sort it out easily.