She's Always there

My mom is the reason I am who I am. She raised me and my sister to be individuals and proud women. She was always there for us. She knew when to be tough and when to be soft. Never forgetting to tell us she loved us at the end of the day.

I owe everything to my mom. She always knew just what to say. Yes, she was tough and brutally honest. She had no problem telling me I couldn't do something or I wouldn't make it. For example, I always wanted to be a singer. I loved to sing. I would sing to the radio, in the shower, to anyone that would listen. But my mother, who could actually sing, I mean she had the voice of an angel, would tell me I would never make it as a singer. She crushed my dreams at the ripe age of 10. She never made me stop singing though. She would still listen to me. I wanted to audition for a local singing competition and she told me to go sing in the bathroom and memorize the lyrics and listen to myself. She still supported me, even though she knew I wouldn't make it. I wanted to prove her wrong, but she was right. I didn't get a callback. They did like my voice, but said I wasn't what they were looking for. I wasn't as upset as I thought I would be. My mom was still there waiting for me to finish and told me she was proud of me for trying.

She pushed me to work hard for what I wanted. She knew my potential and always pushed me to my limits. I was really good at playing instruments. I played trumpet, flute, piano, guitar and more. I played in band throughout my time at school. I wasn't the best, and sometimes I wanted to quit. My mom never let me quit. She would make me keep practicing. She would listen to me play over and over. If I tried to hide in my room and play, especially when I really didn't want to, I could hear her yell at me from the kitchen to keep going. I secretly loved it. I'm glad I had someone that wanted to listen to me. Even though my mom always wondered how I could play since I had no rhythm. I know I had to have some rhythm, otherwise I doubt I could play as many instruments as I did. I think it just became a joke and we always laughed at it. It never bothered me.

I remember the day I told my mom I wanted to join the military. She laughed in my face. Now I was never one that was big on exercise or really into sports. I played them, but it wasn't something I put my whole heart in to. I had never shot a gun or even a airsoft gun. I did archery, but that was a totally different story. So, my mom had a reason to laugh. I knew she was going to laugh. My friends laughed when I told them too. Everyone laughed. No one believed that I could do it. Not one single person. I was upset that my mom didn't think I could do it. My dad wanted to believe I could, but he had his doubts. He just never voiced them like my mother did. Yet, my mother still told me to go for it. If it is something I wanted, then do it. I knew I had to prove her wrong. And after two years of heavy training and the struggling. I did it. I passed the physical it take to get into the Marine Corps. I went to boot camp and made. I became a Marine. My mother was so proud. She was so happy I proved her wrong.

She was tough on me, but she had her reasons. I think she thought if she was tougher it would be a bigger satisfaction for me if I actually did it. She told me later on after getting out of the Marine Corps, she knew I could do it. She admitted to doubting it in the beginning, but after watching me train for so long, she had no doubts by time I left for boot camp. It was very hard for her to watch me leave. I had never left home in the past. Well I did once, but I was back within a month. This was different. I wasn't going to have any contact with my mom or my family. I wouldn't have my cell phone, I could only write letters. My mom cried when I left. I had never really seen my mom cry. I mean she did if someone close to her passed, but that was about it. This was different. Her first child was leaving home for the first real time. I wouldn't be back for 3 months. Then after two weeks of boot leave, I would head back to do more training. I had officially left the coop and was on my own. But I called my mom as much as possible. Still telling her about my day, like I had never left.

After my daughter was born, I was essentially left to myself. My husband at the time didn't help at all. He was to busy doing his own thing. It wasn't until I got out of the military and got back home, I start the process to divorce him. My mom noticed right away what he had done to me. He changed me. Turned me into his submissive puppet. I never realized it until my mom pointed it out. She hadn't really seen me on a day to day basis until I got home and was living with my parents again. I was finally able to stand up to him with my mom backing me up. She knew the way I was acting wasn't the way she had raised me. Like I said she raised my sister and I to be independent and to be able to stand up for ourselves. With her help I was able to get out of the abusive relationship and move on.

She was the first one to push me to start writing. She thought it would help me with all the things I had going on in my life. That it would be a good outlet to get rid of stress. Which it was and still is. She pushed me to get my first short story and novel published. She always hated what I wrote about, but it didn't stop her from reading what I wrote and editing my books. It was the second time I had ever seen her so proud of me. I remember her jumping up and down with me when I got my first copy of my books.

I miss my mom. She passed away unexpectedly back in Oct. 2019. She helped me more that I knew. She was able to bring me back out of a slump I was in after leaving the military and getting a divorce. She helped me raise my child. She did way more for me than she had to. She helped me to remember who I am. I want to raise my daughter the way my mom raised me. Strong, independent, caring. She will be loved just as much as I was loved. I want her to know that love is there, that I am there. I never want her to feel alone or afraid.

Overall, my mom taught me a lot of things. Things I don't even realized she taught me. I never realized how much she was there for me until she was gone from my life. I'm proud to call her my mom. I just wish I had more time to spend with her.